Writing

I write things when I can actually get enough letters together to make sense.

Trying To Do It All

Some days I feel like I am made more out of duct tape, bubblegum, and gorilla glue than whatever actually counts as a human. Over the past three months, I have had my neck pop off calcium crystals and after that had TMJ spasms that had full-on ripped things from my neck to the point where I had to cease all weightlifting exercises and stop working with my weighted vest.

Been learning how to use some AI art tools and my Instagram should show those as of late. It’s not my usual stuff but it does use my talents in another way so I cannot complain and I like working with it. Despite all the progress it sucks when I get injured and have to take more time to heal up if I could just at least get to a point where I do not have to worry about health issues and then being hurt. Pain or not things need to keep moving otherwise will be as bad as they have always been

Ai art here 

Not bad for Ai and ME

What can be done though? I do my best and try what I can all for the sake of making headway and just try to get out of my own way when I need to heal up. That is all I can do now, heal up and do other things to make sure to get my exercise and work on the projects as I need to and one of them is going to be the inside garden I need to make. It has been one of the things needing to get done but everything else has been getting pushed back. We have gotten a couple things growing though, and you know it is nice to enjoy the small bits of progress when one can. 

Progress is being made and it looks like the milwordy will be hit before the seventh month. It will be very difficult to be clear as to the halfway point but let me put it in perspective. A million words is a challenge and as of right now let me go over things that have been done. Just to put it in perspective as to what has been in that million words so far not that I have hit at 800k

41 fanfiction, including edits –https://www.fanfiction.net/~bigtanderson you can check those here 

A year of blog posts – rather loose on the meaning of creative, but even in nonfiction one has to be creative and I think if you show the writing from the start of November to now you will find a big difference.

A children’s book – https://mrtanderson.gumroad.com/l/WGdSA

2 semesters of creative writing projects, because, yes I have been going to college while I have been doing this.

2 book drafts finished

9 light edited

2 heavy edited

With several more to go.

In one year even the stupid book of insults had been something that added to the profile. I can say I will hit the goal because unless I got knocked into a coma for six months the finish line is well within range and that is good to know but we can try and push even harder and get it done before my birthday.

My birthday is May 1st. While everything is going on if I can do this in the next will be five days if I release it on time. Before that, I will not be able to do much on Sunday as that is my day with my uncle. That means I roughly have 9 days to do what I need to do with everything and to make it all possible. That would be a hard ask and probably is not going to happen but it should be able to happen before the end of May. Even to hit a million by month seven would be a sure feather in my cap I found a few more people that had done it, but I am also developing a book file to work in excel or an open office for people to chart their own writing over a year.

I have had some time to think on the point of the Indiegogo with a couple people I know who had run some successful ones and I think that will be the next project to work on behind the scenes and start getting it out there. I think we are ready to make that happen. Tweaking and working that is next on that list and the next twitch project is the music run with all that keeping classes high is going to be important because to make it on the honor roll even starting off at a community college where I am getting some progress made.

All in all, I feel I should be happy, but there is still some specter making me think not to count it until it is over the finish line. Maybe that is the kind of person I am but in any case, this month there had been a writing competition on Twitch. Yes, I am on twitch, and yes I am about as nonserious as one would expect, this is really one of my most serious points. I am rambling I just wanted to get some thoughts off with Portland being what it is right now.

Stay strong.

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All for the Sake of Power

For all the people trying to help other groups or go to bat for all the supposed slights against their group, one thing that could be done right now and people would actually have to see that Portland is about trying to help people. We have a group of people that are still struggling to get the benefits that should be given to them and often have few or no people to help get them what they are due. Disabled people, across the board, have had to deal with a system that actively pushes them away for the sake of wanting to keep payouts low. This should be a simple thing where we take evidence of the disability and see if it matches what is needed. Make sure one has the evidence to back it up, check the validity of the evidence, and if all that checks out make sure they get benefits to help out. For some reason or another, there just is a time of struggle for anyone trying to get some money in a situation where it seems like the world is against them. 

If you try to make the most of your life despite meeting the disability there is a good chance that you will be denied for years upon years. Each attempt for it failing meant another couple of years before the next appeal. Depending on their health it could very well mean that they will not be able to survive, or that they will be in much worse health because the money that should be there would be something that would allow them to keep some semblance of a quality of life. Some people may not be happy about the disability program thinking it is a quick road to ill-gotten gains and if you had thought this then you never had to go get it because when talking with people who are trying it is more shocking to hear people getting it first try and less shocking that people would wait for ten years just to get some form of pittance.

Pittance by the way is exactly as it should be because remember, this is for the people who can not work gainfully, either full or part-time to earn enough money to live a basic life. According to the census to be counted as under the poverty line one has to earn 12,880 dollars in most of theU.S with D.C, Hawaii, and Alaska. We will work from the lower number for the sake of ease and skewing it against our own side to the point to try and attempt some fair discussion. 12 thousand dollars is a lot in one time but splitting that up times the 12 months means you are now working with just over a thousand dollars but the max one can get specifically for those who have been in low pay work is generally around 800 dollars. 

You could work for ten years and have some maladious effect on your health and you still would not be able to survive on what you get. On top of that if you want to make things so that you find a way to skrimp and save you cannot have more than 2000 dollars in an account to work with. That makes it nearly impossible for people to move or do anything of value when you have to make sure that when you do it you have to make sure you will never need it again, and by the way, this does not include stuff like tax refunds or anything like that. Disability is not set or used as a hand up because there are disabled people if they could be given a way to at least get the resources they have qualified for they would be more open to trying to work or do things to help their communities. 

All of this is based on the ruling of judges who do not care to try for the most part and no punishment or party is keeping them in check. If your judge cannot read, that’s on you, if your judge cannot spell, that’s on you. If your judge just hates disabled people and gets a boner only from making people so miserable that for many there is no response, then find out where they live, send them glitter in the mail and stuff enough fruit up every tailpipe that every car can be called a fruit salad. That is also on you, though. Also, because I know some people may not be able to read the last line and understand the tone, that was done in a joking manner. 

Still, it sucks and it needs work and for a lot of people, there isn’t any hope. Really makes you wonder why more disabled people just haven’t gone full supervillain, wouldn’t shock me a bit. How much would one be able to take before feeling that the world is against them with enough moments to hammer it home.

Stay strong.

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One and Two. What to do?

First, I have noticed you.

Believe it or not I do read at what posts are doing well and how people react and come to these things, and I see you like my rando recipes as well so when I get the issues with my new phone I will try to take some time and put a couple more on here because with the seasoning blends it is going to be done anyway and just things that are fun to make will be something where you can look. I did play around with the camera and it is something I feel I can work with. I may do a couple recipes with my seasoning blends as well but if you do not have it it will have the steps for a good meal nonetheless

As this is going out I am actually doing my first shift followed by a college class in many a year, and it did not work out last time. Last time this happened I was so drained, and this was before the nerve damage mind you, that I had passed out for three days after staying up a week straight so there are going to be problems, but we may be able to work our way through.

Second, and the meat of the matter. When things go bad, there is a lot of ear in the world, people in power seem to be in a race no matter what party they represent to the bottom of respectability, and during all this when things are bad I remember a line, one that made me do a lot of the stuff I have done. A line that has been instrumental in my own paperwork stepping in.

Why I train. Why I write. Why time after time to punch walls it seems with little improvement on a task. Why do I keep trying.

If you want something done right, you cannot blame state, country, family or circumstance. If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself. This does not mean not to take help, it means you cannot let anyone else drive to the goal because often times they will not have the investment to your goal that you do, and people will often disappoint with their decisions. It is why I have a certain line on my whiteboard. Good or bad, whatever life throws at me I have to work with it and if I can’t that is one me.

Sometimes, I have not been great at this, sometimes I have needed a hard lesson. Not saying I am good at it, I am stating I am trying though. Any who this one is going to be short, but if there are things you need to learn or keep in mind sometimes people will fail. That does not mean you are bad at it it means you are learning it and how it applies in different situations. Give yourself a break sometimes and do all you can to keep your eyes on the prize whether you are learning that through the great resignation or just through some things. The times be a changing and a lot of people are sitting on their rump so a lot of people need to get in the game, and as DJ Professor K said “

“The game is gonna start soon, and ya’ll gonna be making the plays.”

Things will get worse in some cases and it will be up to the individual to try and make things better and through the efforts of many individuals there is a chance.

Stay Strong and see you next time.

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Last week today.

How was your week?

Ya, it has been one of those weeks. As of the writing of this I got about 10 days left in the month and 10k to go to hit my goal and then I need to try and make ground because next month is short. College is good we have gotten into a nice rhythm and it isn’t too boring so I just need to keep up on it, working through some programs to help for the education bit.

I want to work on all the details before even starting an Indiegogo because I don’t want to be someone who need all the extra time. Right now I can only work in the US. I may just have to pull the trigger on indiegogo for us people only right now.

So at some point it will just be time to pull the trigger and get stuff done and I even went so far to asking my family if they wanted to help. They said they were short on money paying for my sister’s horse lessons and paying off a new truck. It is fine. Family was something that never really worked for me. All of it just means I can do it alone.

All you can do is keep moving forward and even when family is poisonous. Looking into running for state government to start at least trying to help my area with a better quality of person. Some people in state government are good but right now the state is going down some bad roads and while there are other people that could do it, there is a line I remember.

“If you want something done right, do it yourself.”

Progress is progress and that is great it just sometimes stings and the the achy malaise just never goes away so you have to pick yourself up and keep working on yourself. There is always something to work on there are always faults to grind to a gleam, and one of the ones recently for me is that I do not take compliments very well.

My seasonings have been getting great reviews in testing. I have been complimented many times because of this and there is so much of me bound in the work that when I receive a compliment I make a face that looks like my brain is loading and failed. So I am trying to handle compliments with a proper thank you and enjoying it for a moment before moving on. It will be something I need to do because I want people to be so happy with my products and my work to compliment me, I just need to not insult them when I do not mean to.

In relaxing I have found myself liking the games of teamfight tactics and I think I might go for gold and blue rank in hyper role. Competing like that just makes me feel like the disability did not occur, and I am who I always was. It provides me that little bit of peace, that I am sure hunting for it my opponents wish I never found. I write that line with a smile.

So tell me about whaty ou are doing? Working on social media outreach? Projects got your eye for a while, let me know and we can chew the fat on it.

Stay strong everyone.

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First O’ The Year.

The new year and it already feels like there is a lot of uncertainty in the world. Working on a lot of things it makes me wonder what the year has in store for me and I can only hope that a lot is going to come and part of something that has been the big problem for me has been my youtube channel.

I don’t know what people will want to see on the site and looking at my channel that has been around for a while and at this point I do not know what to do with it. I want to have something with it and it has just been something where there should be something and the time has changed that I will do more on Twitch then YouTube and I want to do something here, I just don’t feel that gaming is it for me here, right now.

Enough of the down, here is what is going on Millwordy is going to be fun, college classes are on for later this month and I am excited and I am looking at getting the business plan polished because we need to figure out how to get some money and how to get these products to more people. We have had some good talks so far and the end of the year has ended with some high notes when it comes to restaurants starting with orders.

Writing is going to be big and depending on how I can get to other projects there may be much more coming, but I also have to learn a couple things on those ways. In any case I hope you all find yourself a happy new year and things do get better in your lives.

Ever play Jet Set Radio Future? I love that game, when I think of being part of a group it is really that game because each character had their own personality but they came together for their own group. That and DJ Professor K was awesome. Video games have such an ability to go into depth of story and honestly I do not think we even scratched far beneath the surface on it. I hope to get to the point I can help produce them but that will be something down the road. Not as far as it was last year but sometime down there still.

Anywho I hope you all enjoy and I will be here next week 😀

Stay Strong

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Last Post of the Year

2021 is coming to an end, and like many times in the year, my jaw is quivering because of a spasm. Still, this year has a lot of highs and lows, and it seems more stuff is rolling, and we are now left here with an idea of what we had to go through in the last year and hopes for the future.

This will be the last message for me for the year, and I will write again for the blog in 2022, and hopefully, there will be much more stuff to go over. It will be difficult for some when we get into the new year, but I do hope that you will make as much progress and even more than me. Do the things you want to do and go for something you never thought possible.

My health will continue to be bad, and while that may take me out of action for a couple of days, it seems that if I can just keep going, there is something more. Some people over the year have claimed me to be one of the strongest they know, and honestly, I do not feel like it. Maybe, that is something that I can shake off in the next twelve months. Do enough that I can look in the mirror and chase off the shadows.

As an end-of-the-year post, let me tell you this.

I have been deemed depressed, or however, the tag works. It is just me against the darkness behind my eyes, and sometimes it gets hard to keep moving. If I keep moving, though, there is something of looking for something, doing more and more, breaking down doors, and going up floors, they will never dispel from the core. Still, maybe for a moment of glory in the next chapter of my story, the pieces I find can make me feel whole again.

Between all the issues in the world and my own problems, there is always a chance that I will never be content with what I have done. That is something I have already made my peace with. However, sometimes some people are never happy with everything, and if I keep my eyes on the next thing, then maybe I can get enough done to make progress. A constant need to test and grow can be bad in some cases, but at least I have enough challenges in front of me that I won’t go without something to do for a while.

Alright, that was about as much super personal stuff we got on this one. I will see you all next time, folks. Hopefully, your new year goes well and like all the other times.

Stay Strong.

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Millwordy in 2022

I will be going back to college, I will be working on millwordy, I will be releasing books and whatnot and now it is just something where I am trying to put it all together in a time frame that does not make me feel like crap. The more things that need to get done the more it is going to put my energy to the limits and moving forward.

Through workouts and taking vitamins and trying to eat better I have gotten some usage back, but there is still the part of my body where always want more but I think that may just be a personality defect, no matter how much I try it will always be something where I want to try to do more. So I may have a few more books coming out I guess and I am hoping I can release one next year. That would be a good plan.

One million words and so many plans and goals had been going now and it seems these next twelve months will seem to be important for the rest of my life and looking at that it makes me a little nervous. Failure here may be something where I cannot get back, but making this year work. To a new year of challenges and hopefully of goals being hit, and of hopefully life getting better despite the world trying to get worse.

Will explain more next week.

Stay Strong and Merry Christmas.

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Hyper Plans

Welcome all to a running tally of my madness. No, not really, but still I bet some of you have felt the same things working on your stuff for so long, and with some writers finding some peace after NanoWrimo. When it feels like there is always more to do and the body cannot handle all of it sometimes makes you think you never should have tried. I happen to fall in the trap of thinking as one thing cannot be done as fast as I would like that it would be worthless for me to do it at all.

On top of everything else I am going back to college and I could be getting some medical help for something that has been bothering me for a long time now. For those who do not know, between the fights, the diet, the issues of my body not absorbing well had made my teeth that more of a hockey smile versus regular smile and it has been something that people have been made nervous seeing it, and I had just finished the paperwork to get some help.

I could be going to college, and while some may some it has less value then ever there are certain holes in my game it could help cover and I will love to learn about how to do that especially if I do not need to be the one to pay in ( That is the trick after all.) This is more of a future bet on myself to use the training for something that could get me back on my feet despite all the damage this body has carried over the years.

Finally, the big thing of what is going on and that is the food company is coming together there are more things being filled out in the business plan and soon there will be a need to start getting the word out. Costing has gone well I felt and even with the containers at the worst profit margin one could it had been something that came out where I wanted which may be bad or good but it provides the best price point without being so cheap that people find something wrong with it, people had done that before from what I sold and it was a painful lesson. Sell at the point where people feel comfortable, because that is a thing, and if you did not know that, now you do. I would say find it just high enough that it invites faith in the product through their price point but not so high where people are needlessly taken out of potentially buying it, because that is not what we want, we ant people to enjoy the thing we make at the base value.

I say it all here because I have a habit of going too low and suddenly think there is something wrong with it. This is more for me and look back to go, ‘hey, ya you talked about it, take your own advice.’ Sometimes we need to give ourselves such advice I have pushed myself far, but it has been something that we can make a lot of progress on things and while I still need to balance some things it is times like these I wish I would get my old batteries back.

Wishes are like ifs and buts, candies and nuts, Toronto still gets no cup, or however the line went, in any case there is still some energy going through me and that means there is still stuff to be done so please take the time and peruse some of the things you may find on the books page, right now everything on there is for free, but I am also editing my own original works and those will have a price after some people who write more for a living, and learning how I can use each place I post as something different.

This post is going to sound like a kid hopped up on sugar and I do not care, we are looking at things for the indiegogo plan so if there is something you want to see , please let me know, follow me in the spots I wark at and I hope the stuff I can do makes your day brighter in some aspect.

Seasons Greetings and Stay Strong

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Writing at Nyoom Speed

Writing, writing, writing. I have been writing a lot recently and it has added up to a few things that will be sold soon but right now we have to go over the little treats for you all. Two projects. One, a selection of fanfiction. I challenged myself to write and that can be picked up off of Gumroad, that is something you do not need to pay for, none of my Gumroad ones are. Just, if you do want to pay something I would appreciate it.

70k of words as short stories in 2k to 2.5k each about a character I have in the game, because I like the game, and that is enough for that right now. Share it, join me on twitch, (https://www.twitch.tv/mrbigtanderson) have a good time, but there is more that will be done in other things because you know I cannot rest for long periods of time. It just does not work well for me that way.

Also, after cost out it looks like I can sell each 4oz container by volume will be sold five dollars per but as one can see, there is a fair amount in each one and it will have flavors that will boost your food from the flat to the gold, but there is a video that is in the works. Five dollars per is at the high end of where I wanted it to be, and was within the range already in the stores. I still haven’t worked out the whole mail thing yet. Working on it, though, but it is a lot done in the month so far and we got a week and change to go.

We are going to get some stuff done, and hopefully have fun. It has been a rough road so far, but like everything you got to be more hard headed then your obstacles, and while I have had some low points, from the death of family members semi recently to issues with the body, it is still sweet to get a little progress. More is coming.

Stay Strong Everyone.

This is the face of nyoom. Speed unfiltered.

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November Begins.

Mentally I have constantly pushed ways to get better, and mental is a part of the game like everything else.

For those who do not know, I am disabled. I don’t think I have advertised it as much, but I haven’t hidden from it either. More of my nerve system is damaged than not, and that is always trouble, leading me to what we can call some unusual situations. Like dealing with disability judges, I bring part of this up because, for those who don’t know, I am getting close to 8 years fighting for a disability that we have medical testing. We have multiple examinations in favor.

I was told I could go into production with nerve damage in my hands, fingers, passing out, and vertigo spells.

I was told I could be a welder. This is not a joke, lets take Mr. McCrabclaw and then give him explosive fuels because nothing could go wrong. Let that be a lesson that if you can’t read and can only count to 1, you can always get a judge’s position in disability. Glad to know that the support net is there for them. What bothers me is that my story isn’t even the worst I have heard, I have gone to town halls and city meetings on this, and no one can tell me why this is the case.

You know how bad I feel when people look at me and see someone who represents them I feel horrible because I am not good at it. I am a loudmouth who used to cook and saw a load of bs where people said the disability system is.

However, it is educational because in a time where people have to seem to each have their own thing. Maybe, as the idea has been rattling in my brainpan, that I could perhaps do something because I am making progress, and I will do so until I cannot any further.

Also, I need to cost out, but I also need to work on writing projects, and it is NaNoWriMo, the month I am just trying to get to 75k in words across my projects so I can finish up as many projects as I can. Typing this on the first, I am already 10% of the way with this post. It will be a big month, and I need to step up to the plate.

It seems each month I need to go another level, and at this point, I am in what some would call the ‘fuck it’ territory, which can be best described for those who do not know with the picture below.

If you like my work, share it, talk about it and catch me on other places online, and I hope you all stay strong.

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