writing

2023 Goals

Something I hope to look back on and see a bunch of things crossed off, and if I remember it an easy and entertaining call back at the end of the year.

  1. Release something, now with projects going on what I have and if it may be under my name will be something different. As long as it came from me, under whatever name I use for different reasons I hope to release something like a book, program or something.
  2. I would like to live on my own. Currently I have been living with a roommate and have been doing it long enough, I need my space.
  3. Continue doing well in school, at this point I have had a problem in just one class and I am still on honor roll despite it.
  4. I would like for the blog to do better, although granted to define it as off the rails from original purposes is an understatement of the greatest caliber.
  5. Do a physical event again. Despite being disabled I feel I have been getting much better health wise especially over the last twelve months.
  6. Get my teeth fixed. Unfortunately why my body does not use some minerals despite ingesting them, like calcium is something we are still trying to figure out. Luckily we caught it before bones went fell osteoporosis.
  7. I want to do more on twitch, and been trying to push it further. Currently the goal is to get to 500 followers but I need to work on being more entertaining.
  8. I would like to travel to another country finally. I have never been to another country and there are a few places on my list. I would count something out of state or going to conventions again
  9. Start a successful business. Pretty simple as to why.
  10. Be happier then I was last year.

If I remember this I hope to go back and see how many of these got knocked off the list.

Stay Strong and Happy New Year

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A New Experiment

I have an idea one that you may not see in connection to this blog if I did it right. Something where I hope it will get me more to the efforts of trying new things and in doing so show people success can be had. There has been progress on goals and for that I am grateful. It just is not enough.

What do you do when things are not working, well you go to do something else and see if it is better. Cannot say it will be, but for what I hope it will be enough for me to get some supplies together because one thing that had to be pounded in my head is one cannot give if one does not have and that means this year has to be my best one yet, granted college has been good for me but it cannot last.

For this project thought it is integral I do not speak of it again until it is done. For the progress on that I am looking for there needs to be something to be removed and this experiment. I hope at the end it will be something that we can look toward as something that could possibly shed light on a question because over my writing I hemmed and hawed for so long that soon some of them would go to grade school if they had been children.

The experiment will be based on this, because what if someone who is wanting to do something has no name? My guess, is that there will be an openness that come with it and to do so while there will most likely be some imitators on the case that there is any level of success and there hopefully will be, it just is something that sometimes I do not feel proud of the progress I have done or the thing I have and it just is held for some reason so hopefully this experiment takes care of that.

What the other thing is well, I have been very angry and while trying to make it positive there is a point of rage for me that is not hot, it is cold, it is ice cold and it is not something fun for others to be around. I do need to use it though so maybe this is the way to make sure things can stay separate until maybe some of it is used up. This year was rough and I have been dealing with more then what I can handle and talking to therapists had been something that has been rather fruitless.

Even though the experiment will have some releases there should be some this next year, we shall see.

Stay strong and happy new year

Question for those who stayed, what are some things you are afraid of in your projects and some things you would like to get to?

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Three Tips For Your Future

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

Back in college, for the first time, I went to the Art Institute of Portland for a double degree program of video game art and design and media art and design. Considering what I have done since then, the things I picked up definitely helped, but unfortunately, I also had to pay my way then, which led me to work full-time at a gas station between short cooking jobs. Accelerated double degree with a full-time job is the fastest way to go from a thinking human being to something short of a crash test dummy without the impact.

Then it was not about staying up all night. There was one day a week that it had to be done because transit, work, and otherwise would not allow me to sleep. I got through a year, and when I had to stay up a week to study more, it all ended with a moment when I passed out in class. The teacher, after hearing about how there was no rest between classes ( which was once a week), called my roommates to take me back home and gave me a B for the course. Despite being three years with everything, I had only made it through one. My family didn’t want to help, and my roommates thought they would bury me if, for one reason or another, something didn’t stop.

Out of all the faults, I never wanted it to be known that I did not try. Often there would even be a point where people would get nervous if their body would break down. There was never enough backup to get enough rest, and there has been more than one doctor that past sins have come due, and my body is now footing the bill for it. With things going, there is always stuff to do and not enough energy, so if someone out there is maybe realizing the things-to-do list is getting a bit big, this post is for you.

Call it the learning of someone who crashed into a lot more times. Some hints from someone who may have walked down different roads.

  1. Find the value (in time) of what you are doing. We have all been in places where we have to do one thing after another, and the energy is just running out. There are times when you need to push on being tired and times when you will need to force yourself to rest because that will get you the greatest return. Look to what you need to and find at what point your time gets rewarded. If you need four more hours but can only muster two, you may be able to get to four, but after a certain point, the time you take for today will be taken out of tomorrow resting up.
  2. No one can go forever. Rest is not something that is needed just for the weak. Where people often forget in trying to act tough is that even machines will need some upkeep and often have people around them to make sure things are at peak efficiency. Rest is not a weakness. It is something to make sure your time working on things is going to be as close to a hundred percent as possible. 
  3. Never stop learning. One of those fortune cookie lines that touch on something people seem to still forget. When you stop learning, you stop growing. Does not matter if you are six or sixty, powerhouse or paraplegic. The moment you stop learning about something is when you need to figure out the exit strategy. Sometimes you will find things that may not give you value right after you put in. Sometimes, you will discover new ways to act in certain situations. Learning isn’t something that will provide a direct response. After you learn, you need to give it a couple tries. Other times what you know may not work for your situation. 

We will keep the pearls there for now, but I do hope this year you have made a lot of progress, and hopefully, I will see you in the next one. We still got a few posts before the year ends, though. 

Stay strong. 

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Thoughts on School Senate

So for those who don’t know, I am a school senator for my community college. With everything going, it would be nice if something got easier. Then I had to hear the results from the first week and found two people past me.

Fuck.

When best efforts puts you third.

Welp. Things get hard. You gotta get harder. With everything going on, my body will be made of diamonds for the rest of my life because there is not enough time to do it while everything is still getting done as of writing this, a lot of things are already coming in, and there is little idea what to do although some projects do need to get wrapped up some time and there had been some work done in quite a few things.

People have told me that things will need to take time and that it moves slowly. For those new here, I am the same person most people think would stop breathing if I stopped doing it. Makes this infinitely more difficult because slow means good in some cases, but sometimes things need to get done. With coming back from the pandemic, from going from online only for the most part to bringing people back, there is a lot that needs to be done, and time will be something that will not be friendly.

Agreements are had when something will need to go slow, but there are times one needs to hit the gas and move before one can’t, or one will lose momentum. We cannot have that because we can only be senators for a short time, a year, which means we have to put as much into it as possible. Does anyone else feel like a clock is running too quickly about their work or your projects? Right now, it feels like there is a lot getting done, but to counter the clock is right behind me. What can be done? I wish I knew, but right now, it seems there is movement on all fronts, so in that case, we gonna run for as much as we can til the wheels fall off.

Remember, winter is coming, and that means now more than ever. If you can get extra things to eat in case the power goes out or you have a way to light your fireplace, then now is the time to get it in order. We have had some in storage here, and while you do not need a lot, make sure you have some to rely on in case things go badly.

Stay warm and stay strong.

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Two Months Left

November comes, and things change in the game of tomes. New forces want to make a name, and old ones want to re-establish why they had been around so long. I won the first time to show I could write. I won the second individual award to show that I belonged. Since then, life has gotten only more chaotic and more painful. I am a senator of the student body in my community college. Now, as it stands, I will be moving forward as the only two-time winner competing because of events in between the competitions.

The other one, who was in my house also, had not been able to continue moving forward. We have a new leader in my house, and now I am the elder. I am the person with the longest tenure. My house has never been the house that won, and now we need to be a major player more than ever. So my goal is half a million to do half a million words or edits in thirty days when it was such a problem a year ago to do a million.

The first time was to try, second was to show I belonged. Each time the past few have been a problem because there has been more that takes my energy, and last time I pushed so hard my hands cramped up and needed days of rest just to loosen. I need to beat that score by about 80,000. Now, it is a small thing in life. Still, I never really counted myself as a writer and not even a good one at times. I need to work on self-depreciation, but this is a moment where if I want to show people they can through my action, I need the victory. There are enough projects I can do, and there are enough ways to work on them. It is just about if I have enough time and energy to do it on top of everything else.

Normally my writing has not been about me, or at least efforts were made to not have to be so self-focused. This is more just my thoughts because it hurt last time to finish, but it hurt more to finish second. In the time between events editing and polishing have been a focus, but there needs to be a victory here, to be the first to three. Not because of force but to show that I am genuinely about what I say I am, another piece of advice in a time seemingly ready to spin falsehoods. I want people to look at me in competitions and take a crack if that makes them better people. To be the one that people look to in something and goes, ‘if he can, then so can I”. To do it, I need to constantly push myself. Here is something where the victory individually needs to be mine.

The goal for this event is that there needs to be 50k every three days, no missing any, and no time off for thirty days. Something that I, three years ago, would have thought to be a fool’s errand.
I was close last time, I did the math, and if there was health for thirty days, I would have been brushing against it then. I have to find a way to make myself the machine I need to be to finish and then look at the plans for the next goals and see where my next steps are. That will be after this because a lot of work will need to be done.

This will not be so polished because there is doubt, and some portion is unsure if it can be done. There is no place it can stop me; it will just be me trying, and hopefully, it is enough. Afterward, the work can be done into something people can enjoy. I hope this month there is something you can go for as passionately as I go for mine, and if you do not, may I hope you find it.

Sorry for the thought vomit. I just had to get some things out.
Happy Halloween, and Stay Strong

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I am Heading a Table at a Virtual Convention

I never understood how some people could have nothing to do. I seemingly have 34 hours of work every day. It tires me to the core when everything isn’t hurting, or my jaw is ripped up. Unfortunately, I did rip up something in my jaw again. It is getting easier, though. My second semester is done, and we know what the second degree should be. Despite everything, the decision was made to take some school loans just in case things go bonkers again.

The second semester of college is done, and unless I botched the final for statistics which could very well be the case, except there was a formulas sheet that was allowed to be used and could not be found, making it all much more difficult as if anyone has tried doing a math final without even a sheet of formulas is a ‘migraine. Nevertheless, I feel that while not an ‘A’, the final will be enough to keep me on the honor roll, which was a goal at the beginning of this semester.

I also made some cookie-filled cupcakes with white chocolate and cream cheese frosting. At some point, the recipe card should be put up here sometime. One of those things that get done hopefully sooner than later. Also, Writers Conduit on Twitch ( I am on twitch @ MrBigTAnderson ) during the last weekend in June will have me as someone heading up the table about Milwordy. How to beat it, the challenges you would face, and how to get the most out of it.

Third Table in Two Years

Speaking of challenges, more are coming, and while some signs of my body going for the better, jaw spasms and tears are not in that count. It seems that disability or not, more physical force will be needed. If one wants to change the world, then one needs a change the world effort, and it does not care if the body can handle it or not.

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Tinker Tailor Soldier Sailor

Tiring, school is very tiring, but we had some work done, so let us go over the basics. I have found some places I can sell artwork. I think Redbubble will be my choice for right now as I have not heard too much negative from my friends using them, so that is coming soon. We have a lot of different artwork and even a couple of designs. I have one for a couple of designs I came up with when I was dabbling, and with the art and some other things, it could be a time to push that a little further. It will be fun to say I have merch and whatnot.
One other thing I wanted to get done is to fix up a Milwordy document readable in both excel and open office that can keep track of your word count if you try Milwordy or are just wanting something to keep you honest over a time frame. Due to how much time it took to get all the graphs ready on the last page breaking down by every three-month block what heavy edits, light edits writing and how everything stacks up. I will have it on Gumroad for a price of one dollar. It took me a fair amount of time. It includes something for excel, open office, and a read me, so anyone who wants to try Milwordy can give it a round. So products are going well. A few more of those are being sold, and been looking through the logistics for something akin to a U.S made version of Alibaba, something where it can be mass made in country, and yet that sort of thing does not exist; I have found.
I would like to get three things done, but looking at prices and some health risks on the third thing, the first two may be what I can do this year, and that is to upgrade both my desk and my computer because right now I am currently working on my laptop that has had some issues but has been like a good dog, faithful and doing its best for all it needs to do. Been a lot of work, and now we just need to keep rolling on everything else that is done. For all the problems there have been going on, I feel that a lot can be made and really build a better future we had in mind. It may be a pipe dream, but we shall see in that case.
So if you are a writer and fancy yourself wanting to see how much you do over a period, I will try to have this up after the Gumroad account has it. It may take me a few moments until afterward, but I am working on it. I am happy to see that it may be something to make a little money for writers. It may be late at night for me and maybe for you the day it comes out, but I hope you take a look and if you want to write and keep track then.

https://gumroad.com/js/gumroad-embed.js
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Trying to make things happen. Stay strong, everyone.

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Musings of a Tryhard

College, business, games, and twitch. Music, writing son-of-a-bitch.

My time is always running and I need a car to pick it up for if time keeps running out on me I guess my moment is up.

Don’t know why I am rhyming.

Anywho. So in the realm of things that do not matter I made silver in tft and green in hyper which is like finding a single free piece of pizza on the niceness scale but considering the year I think we can all take what we can get.

Next is the writing and I have learned to edit during my tft time so that means another book should be done, will I finally publish, if I can figure out the other things like a cover and overcome the crippling self doubt. Most likely is what I am saying.

Also, filling out some paperwork but that is a secret for now. Shhhh.

So that leaves really things are going and they seem to be going good for now but the need for money is coming and the person who I made the sale through who does work at a restaurant, (I checked) needs to finish his part of the bargain it is during these moments I would like to do it in person but, I really don’t get out much and honestly the cost of transportation is already killing me.

Disability thinks I am still not disabled despite the stack of tests and paperwork taller then me ( six feet tall) so I feel I still have the right to continue bashing judges because if ya’ll are that stupid then you need to get a talking to and possibly a third grade reading lesson.

College is next on the list and work has been going good, being pulled in so many different directions is really painful though especially when it comes to how much needs to be done still. I still need to find some stuff to do when it comes to how to market but nothing gets done with money to do it and right now a lot of places don’t want to hire even for part time work, I have tried, but once again being disabled tends to throw a couple dozen spanners in the grinder.

Just really need to keep moving forward and while things can feel like it is so aggravating that you want start to bang your head on the desk and while it may feel that way. The only thing that would do is give you a nasty headache. I am just speaking from experience on that myself. When people say there are jobs they do not mean in Portland because right now nobody wants to hire.

Problems come and then we need to find solutions to it so all of this should hope things get a little more comfortable soon.

You know the drill.

Stay strong.

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First O’ The Year.

The new year and it already feels like there is a lot of uncertainty in the world. Working on a lot of things it makes me wonder what the year has in store for me and I can only hope that a lot is going to come and part of something that has been the big problem for me has been my youtube channel.

I don’t know what people will want to see on the site and looking at my channel that has been around for a while and at this point I do not know what to do with it. I want to have something with it and it has just been something where there should be something and the time has changed that I will do more on Twitch then YouTube and I want to do something here, I just don’t feel that gaming is it for me here, right now.

Enough of the down, here is what is going on Millwordy is going to be fun, college classes are on for later this month and I am excited and I am looking at getting the business plan polished because we need to figure out how to get some money and how to get these products to more people. We have had some good talks so far and the end of the year has ended with some high notes when it comes to restaurants starting with orders.

Writing is going to be big and depending on how I can get to other projects there may be much more coming, but I also have to learn a couple things on those ways. In any case I hope you all find yourself a happy new year and things do get better in your lives.

Ever play Jet Set Radio Future? I love that game, when I think of being part of a group it is really that game because each character had their own personality but they came together for their own group. That and DJ Professor K was awesome. Video games have such an ability to go into depth of story and honestly I do not think we even scratched far beneath the surface on it. I hope to get to the point I can help produce them but that will be something down the road. Not as far as it was last year but sometime down there still.

Anywho I hope you all enjoy and I will be here next week 😀

Stay Strong

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Writing at Nyoom Speed

Writing, writing, writing. I have been writing a lot recently and it has added up to a few things that will be sold soon but right now we have to go over the little treats for you all. Two projects. One, a selection of fanfiction. I challenged myself to write and that can be picked up off of Gumroad, that is something you do not need to pay for, none of my Gumroad ones are. Just, if you do want to pay something I would appreciate it.

70k of words as short stories in 2k to 2.5k each about a character I have in the game, because I like the game, and that is enough for that right now. Share it, join me on twitch, (https://www.twitch.tv/mrbigtanderson) have a good time, but there is more that will be done in other things because you know I cannot rest for long periods of time. It just does not work well for me that way.

Also, after cost out it looks like I can sell each 4oz container by volume will be sold five dollars per but as one can see, there is a fair amount in each one and it will have flavors that will boost your food from the flat to the gold, but there is a video that is in the works. Five dollars per is at the high end of where I wanted it to be, and was within the range already in the stores. I still haven’t worked out the whole mail thing yet. Working on it, though, but it is a lot done in the month so far and we got a week and change to go.

We are going to get some stuff done, and hopefully have fun. It has been a rough road so far, but like everything you got to be more hard headed then your obstacles, and while I have had some low points, from the death of family members semi recently to issues with the body, it is still sweet to get a little progress. More is coming.

Stay Strong Everyone.

This is the face of nyoom. Speed unfiltered.

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