At Worse There Can Be Change

The city of Portland seems to read my blog because a few weeks ago I made a post that I wouldn’t write on it unless it was just something abyssal. A new high in low. It seems that it looked at my blog post, handed me a half open bottle of some hipster brew and asked me to hold it because it seems every day since then it decided to just keep digging for the grail in stupidity and I wonder here if they had focused such efforts into something good the progress that would be made.

So, rapid fire because Portland leadership is a font of idiocy so deep that we could only approximate the bottom. One. Jo Ann Hardesty One could lead a class on morals by taking what she had done in her job as commissioner and simply going, don’t do that. Now, that would be rude, she would have had to do one thing of good. Right?

Well, after running up debt and then being sued for it and then the hit and run debacle and then the uber debacle and then being an idiot in the pandemic, and the being an idiot during the homeless issue and backing the politics that drove business in the ground, and then not pushing for punishing the D.A for not charging those who had politics similar. I mean all of these are absolutely shameful. Calling a political opponent Republican when he is not just because he has a different opinion. Now, some may see that statement and think I support Rene. I have not seen his work and right now there has to be a major amount of work done for me not to count him as an abject failure just because he wanted the position. It is the risk that comes from people failing at it for long periods and really if one could fire the commissioners since Hales then many would.

The mayor before Wheeler I used to call him as interesting as wallpaper paste, now I have to say he had to be smarter then any person in politics. That or, he was one of the luckiest because after that things went down at the speed of gravity. Where things hoped to have change is after a cycle with the main morons and people went, there is no better candidate, no one wants to run and now we are happy with this. Well, happy is not the word I would use but people have shown they are willing to look away as long as things still stay as normal.

Wheeler, the mayor, went out to protest with people he thought would be the base of the city only to find out that he was wrong. Went on pushing the ideology and backed by the movements of the D.A crime spiraled out of control, police budgets cut, and then the spiral grew wider. There will be a time where Portland has to begin to grow but the ideology of the past decade needs to be discarded for the toxic process that it has been. Not because the political party is toxic, it isn’t but because what has taken Portland has been thought to be for some moral superiority and brilliant action when morally its often disgusting under the surface and tactically its as useful as a paper seat belt.

This is not going to Brown and what she did because she caused damages as well a lot of them, but everyone thought they could stand together against Trump instead of actually working on bettering their areas. If it had been done it would be the greatest flaunting against their foes because what the president had wished when those described above hated him, could look to their city and say. We are doing it and we got it. That would be too hard they found out and did the political thing of try to get people to look away except there was no place to look without their failings on full display. It is now something where other cities and states look at, and go ‘don’t be like that’.

I wish there was some good news, but there isn’t and won’t be for a while, but everything can change and Portland will too, it just may take some time.

Stay Strong.

Three Tips For Your Future

Photo by Tim Mossholder on

Back in college, for the first time, I went to the Art Institute of Portland for a double degree program of video game art and design and media art and design. Considering what I have done since then, the things I picked up definitely helped, but unfortunately, I also had to pay my way then, which led me to work full-time at a gas station between short cooking jobs. Accelerated double degree with a full-time job is the fastest way to go from a thinking human being to something short of a crash test dummy without the impact.

Then it was not about staying up all night. There was one day a week that it had to be done because transit, work, and otherwise would not allow me to sleep. I got through a year, and when I had to stay up a week to study more, it all ended with a moment when I passed out in class. The teacher, after hearing about how there was no rest between classes ( which was once a week), called my roommates to take me back home and gave me a B for the course. Despite being three years with everything, I had only made it through one. My family didn’t want to help, and my roommates thought they would bury me if, for one reason or another, something didn’t stop.

Out of all the faults, I never wanted it to be known that I did not try. Often there would even be a point where people would get nervous if their body would break down. There was never enough backup to get enough rest, and there has been more than one doctor that past sins have come due, and my body is now footing the bill for it. With things going, there is always stuff to do and not enough energy, so if someone out there is maybe realizing the things-to-do list is getting a bit big, this post is for you.

Call it the learning of someone who crashed into a lot more times. Some hints from someone who may have walked down different roads.

  1. Find the value (in time) of what you are doing. We have all been in places where we have to do one thing after another, and the energy is just running out. There are times when you need to push on being tired and times when you will need to force yourself to rest because that will get you the greatest return. Look to what you need to and find at what point your time gets rewarded. If you need four more hours but can only muster two, you may be able to get to four, but after a certain point, the time you take for today will be taken out of tomorrow resting up.
  2. No one can go forever. Rest is not something that is needed just for the weak. Where people often forget in trying to act tough is that even machines will need some upkeep and often have people around them to make sure things are at peak efficiency. Rest is not a weakness. It is something to make sure your time working on things is going to be as close to a hundred percent as possible. 
  3. Never stop learning. One of those fortune cookie lines that touch on something people seem to still forget. When you stop learning, you stop growing. Does not matter if you are six or sixty, powerhouse or paraplegic. The moment you stop learning about something is when you need to figure out the exit strategy. Sometimes you will find things that may not give you value right after you put in. Sometimes, you will discover new ways to act in certain situations. Learning isn’t something that will provide a direct response. After you learn, you need to give it a couple tries. Other times what you know may not work for your situation. 

We will keep the pearls there for now, but I do hope this year you have made a lot of progress, and hopefully, I will see you in the next one. We still got a few posts before the year ends, though. 

Stay strong. 

Portland Death Spiral

This blog was initially built on the idea that is going from homeless to a semi-productive member of society, there would be some things I can see that others would miss. One could even say that because of my intelligence and my experience, there are bits and details that politicians do not have or would only use in the political batoning for their own political side. Those who have read this know my politics are rather centered and may pull from both sides depending on what may be needed for specific problems to be removed or handled.

That being said, this is not against a side or a party.

Portland is spiraling into something not a lot of people want to be associated with. Stolen cars are being broken down in broad daylight. Homeless people all over, and laws that made it so there would be no problem carrying all kinds of drugs without a problem. The city commissioners went through protest after protest. Then, there was no movement when they had to rebuild from the ashes. All people who are against them have been deemed from the opposing party when they have made error after error, and the city right now is hurting to the point where no one wants to live there. Nobody wants to open a business there, and there are more taxes than in the surrounding areas.

There are so many problems that when you look at what is going on, you have to ask, where do you start? From that, I do not have an answer, and there is something that seems to be missing every day. Like the city had finally died, it feels passed on. While moments had been good, looking almost normal for small snippets, it is about what the normal is, and the normal in the city is a far shadow from what it once was. There are not enough good things coming, and a lot of the bad has been left to fester, meaning there is even more that needs to get done to bring it back. Again, it looks terrible, and there is not a lot that can be done right now without people enforcing laws and punishing those guilty. None of this is new, and if it is, look in the back posts; trust me, there is plenty to get mad about.

I haven’t written about my home city because unless it is more people not doing their jobs or people trying politically smack people only to get a riptide in the wrong direction, there just isn’t much to say. People in charge in Portland must be the most extensive collection of abject failures in politics. If any of them can look from this time and say they did a good job, I would love to hear their side because it looked like they just sat and played Genshin Impact all term.

Who knows, when things change, I will write about it, and if something is horrible, I will do that too, but right now, I really do not want to. May do some cheap and fun foods to make for later. With the cost of everything, we can all use a couple extra pennies for groceries. We shall see, though.

Keep your head up and stay strong.

Thoughts on School Senate

So for those who don’t know, I am a school senator for my community college. With everything going, it would be nice if something got easier. Then I had to hear the results from the first week and found two people past me.


Welp. Things get hard. You gotta get harder. With everything going on, my body will be made of diamonds for the rest of my life because there is not enough time to do it while everything is still getting done as of writing this, a lot of things are already coming in, and there is little idea what to do although some projects do need to get wrapped up some time and there had been some work done in quite a few things.

People have told me that things will need to take time and that it moves slowly. For those new here, I am the same person most people think would stop breathing if I stopped doing it. Makes this infinitely more difficult because slow means good in some cases, but sometimes things need to get done. With coming back from the pandemic, from going from online only for the most part to bringing people back, there is a lot that needs to be done, and time will be something that will not be friendly.

Agreements are had when something will need to go slow, but there are times one needs to hit the gas and move before one can’t, or one will lose momentum. We cannot have that because we can only be senators for a short time, a year, which means we have to put as much into it as possible. Does anyone else feel like a clock is running too quickly about their work or your projects? Right now, it feels like there is a lot getting done, but to counter the clock is right behind me. What can be done? I wish I knew, but right now, it seems there is movement on all fronts, so in that case, we gonna run for as much as we can til the wheels fall off.

Remember, winter is coming, and that means now more than ever. If you can get extra things to eat in case the power goes out or you have a way to light your fireplace, then now is the time to get it in order. We have had some in storage here, and while you do not need a lot, make sure you have some to rely on in case things go badly.

Stay warm and stay strong.

Two Months Left

November comes, and things change in the game of tomes. New forces want to make a name, and old ones want to re-establish why they had been around so long. I won the first time to show I could write. I won the second individual award to show that I belonged. Since then, life has gotten only more chaotic and more painful. I am a senator of the student body in my community college. Now, as it stands, I will be moving forward as the only two-time winner competing because of events in between the competitions.

The other one, who was in my house also, had not been able to continue moving forward. We have a new leader in my house, and now I am the elder. I am the person with the longest tenure. My house has never been the house that won, and now we need to be a major player more than ever. So my goal is half a million to do half a million words or edits in thirty days when it was such a problem a year ago to do a million.

The first time was to try, second was to show I belonged. Each time the past few have been a problem because there has been more that takes my energy, and last time I pushed so hard my hands cramped up and needed days of rest just to loosen. I need to beat that score by about 80,000. Now, it is a small thing in life. Still, I never really counted myself as a writer and not even a good one at times. I need to work on self-depreciation, but this is a moment where if I want to show people they can through my action, I need the victory. There are enough projects I can do, and there are enough ways to work on them. It is just about if I have enough time and energy to do it on top of everything else.

Normally my writing has not been about me, or at least efforts were made to not have to be so self-focused. This is more just my thoughts because it hurt last time to finish, but it hurt more to finish second. In the time between events editing and polishing have been a focus, but there needs to be a victory here, to be the first to three. Not because of force but to show that I am genuinely about what I say I am, another piece of advice in a time seemingly ready to spin falsehoods. I want people to look at me in competitions and take a crack if that makes them better people. To be the one that people look to in something and goes, ‘if he can, then so can I”. To do it, I need to constantly push myself. Here is something where the victory individually needs to be mine.

The goal for this event is that there needs to be 50k every three days, no missing any, and no time off for thirty days. Something that I, three years ago, would have thought to be a fool’s errand.
I was close last time, I did the math, and if there was health for thirty days, I would have been brushing against it then. I have to find a way to make myself the machine I need to be to finish and then look at the plans for the next goals and see where my next steps are. That will be after this because a lot of work will need to be done.

This will not be so polished because there is doubt, and some portion is unsure if it can be done. There is no place it can stop me; it will just be me trying, and hopefully, it is enough. Afterward, the work can be done into something people can enjoy. I hope this month there is something you can go for as passionately as I go for mine, and if you do not, may I hope you find it.

Sorry for the thought vomit. I just had to get some things out.
Happy Halloween, and Stay Strong

Identity Clubbing and the New York Times

Funny thing about life. There are things where people will have disagreements, like my last post. I disagreed with Adam of Adam ruins everything, but there was respect there. Only some will agree on something, and sometimes it is better when we don’t on subjects that take some depth to really get to issues. People will learn in different ways. I may change, and others may change, but the passion for doing better drives us all on that one.

Then we have this.

For those who do not know, I am disabled. I harp on the subject a bit. First, I do not know about the issues or who is saying them all that is laid before me is how people react. Seeing that there was never a greater need to imbibe the volume of the Willamette River in bourbon than watching people specifically after the debate.

Listen, politics is the next great blood sport. People will look to their political side like they used to during the Yankees-Red Sox feud or the Cowboys- 49’ers feuds if you are familiar with Baseball or American Football. An international one would be Manchester United and Liverpool for those familiar with Euro Football or Soccer. Each of those feuds brings something where the fans are not only emotionally invested but also combative of the opposing side. In some cases can be nothing more than adding fuel to the competition, but here is the problem.

Politics is not a competition. It isn’t a game with winners and losers, and the fact that it is being looked at in that way shows some of the reasons we are having some problems. For example, among my friends from high school, there is a marine (conservative) Mormon (more conservative), Jehova’s witness (semi-conservative), and a farmer (conservative). If you asked them, they would say I am a liberal, not as an insult, I look at things differently, but we can always discuss what is on our minds and afterward find a way to come to some ground we can all agree on in majority, where some of the details we may not like. Still, the majority of the action is approved.

So, this made watching the comments from others and the article created by the New York Times (above) felt like a migraine powered by a thousand symbol-clapping monkeys. Looking back to see what had been said about both sides makes the monkeys get a stereo system. It makes it much louder because this is especially going on as of late. People are using identity as a defense, some defending Fetterman, who had just come out of a stroke, a major medical event, to a debate.

Now, this is one of two ways, either one, Fetterman had the passion for trying and continuing but did not have the way to make a showing of skills to make up for the loss of skills in the stroke, which could very well be temporary. His passion made a choice in this scenario where discretion would have been the better form of valor. He did not do well in the debate, but he made the decision thinking he could show what his strengths were.

The second way is his team backed him into it, thinking they could together show the strengths that maybe he could not on his own and take care of the public relations issues, not knowing what may come back. Now, in this case, one can look to the media giving the sudden disability tag and trying to make it an identity case when legitimate points are brought up.

Looking at the kind of pieces written about from both sides, it is clear that disability is being used as a defense for a bad situation, so let me say this to groups like the New York Times or anyone else who think taking it suddenly when things go bad. The identitarian political clubbing that causes people to reach for disabled, black, jew, and more like they were weapons in an arena is sickening and cheapens the experiences and problems we have gone through. It degrades the experiences the people have had and sows discord for those when people honestly want to use what experiences they have accrued to the service of the group, whether in politics or in specific teams. So, for those who think this is okay, where one can be black or disabled to get a couple extra points in something because you feel a lead slipping away. Let me say this.

Screw You.

Screw your paper, screw your reporting, screw this identitarian clubbing, screw the political bloodsport, screw it all with a drill deep enough that it can be driven into the ground and out of sight like some moral version of the elephant’s foot in Chernobyl, where people only remember it knowing what disaster we caused and look to it to make sure we never do it again. The only reason the disabled tag was taken by those is there was a hope it would be used to gain favor and defenders in the light of a bad showing. Not taking into account the people who can’t get disability payments because they are trying to still make something out of themselves, not those who died with the last knowledge they had that the supposed nets for them did not want to pay out. Not taking into account that being disabled seems to be dictated by political leaning as well nowadays. Taking a title of a group of people with enough problems, and no one in politics seems to want to give them answers or at least a hand, makes me want to ask exactly who thought it was a great idea.

Screw you for those who died with nothing, only for a case to be paid to their next of kin. Screw you for those who work themselves, knowing doing so at paces they need to without help will drop the axe on their finances. This is me angry about it because this has no reason. It was the move of someone trying to paint a picture that had no right existing.

Not to Fetterman or his team or both. If they were in agreement, they made a decision, but it didn’t work. Come back stronger and the best of health to Mr. Fetterman. No idea what your politics are about or even if I agree with a single point. We get stronger when we defend our points and grow in the weaknesses they present.

Keep Calm and Stay Strong.

Adam Ruins His Argument

Money is a strange thing to me. It is a tool, something to which to buy time, energy, or skill. The problem is that many people will often try to get tools and never use them. At all. Getting money for the sake of having it makes no sense.

Let us replace one tool for another, one variable for another, and run it through a similar. Would you go and collect as many hammers as possible and fill a room with them? There is a lot of hatred for millionaires and billionaires, but as they can amass so well, they can also lose, which is what people like Adam forget.

I disagree with Adam, but just as his title suggests, his views

 “Why There’s No Such Thing as a Good Billionaire.”

While trendy, it is, however, very much incorrect. Not even opinion related. It is just wrong. As he goes on blustering about the causes that could have been done better or even the best possible way, there are problems in his arguments from the get-go.

One. Nothing is ever perfect. You may not like them and think they are rampaging idiots buoyed by money and a family. Still, we live in a world where we apply emotion to logic and expect logic to bow, only when it does not for us to be shocked. Even I do it, so nothing against him here. His example with Patagonia is how the value went to a charity run by the family minutes after making a claim. He could have done so and let the family do so if the most good was going to be achieved. Once I thought it was sarcasm when he started on, but as it continued, no, he actually seemed to mean it.

Two. This is another thing Adam has little standing on. What is good? If you said, “it depends,” or “It depends on what each person sees as good, ” or some variation, you are correct. Adam has a set of things that are the most important to him, and I have a set of my own. When something is done, and one can claim it is genuinely inherently evil, one needs evidence. I think Adam is a buffoon buoyed by an echo chamber of braying donkeys but is he evil? No. Passionate, yes. Motivated, yes, correct. No.

Marketing, networking, and PR are tools that those who have wielded them well will tell you the value, and with those funds, when you have an instrument you know and use well, what do you often do. Artists go from Crayola to Prismacolor, mechanics get better tools, and surgeons and data nuts get better energy drinks. When you know something, and you use it well, you upgrade the physical items and, often after that, learn the more advanced technique. If you do not like how someone uses their tools, there really is not much you can do save to ensure they cannot get it. It’s my blog. Sometimes I go on tangents.

Adam’s kvetching notwithstanding, it goes to show something, we are a lot angrier as a people now when someone else has a hammer and goes to do their thing. We get so mad that someone has the tool we do not, so I ask you, if you don’t like the tool, why not change the value of the tasks they try to assist. If what they do is not so important, then the value will decrease. If you do not like how they handle their hammers, make sure they can do less with them. Make things so they cannot use them. Every tool, whether money or mallets, can be made less effective, and in doing so, the best worth will push those to at least use it or watch it become nothing.

Going through economic classes in micro and macro and accounting so far makes me wonder what people need, personally, for what will be required. I have to start getting a big of hammers together.

Lift well and Stand Strong.

Panic Attacks and Amazons

People have bad days, sometimes they have days where you wonder why you got to a certain point and how they can do so without having at least a big migraine or you have a panic attack. Everything gets to the point where you just want to survive while doing something. This past week was sort of that to me. Roommate was spiraling, people did not want to do their job because they never had to, other people were getting pushed, and no one seems to be reading the rules and laws to which a modicum of civilized culture is maintained.

Overall not a fun time. Sometimes you need to get through the challenging moments. Now, some may be surprised to know I do get panic attacks. It happens when I feel things are slipping past me and are essential to me, like when I miss a point on a quiz or a test. I get into this feedback loop of my own self-depreciation, just going over how that point was the most important.

Now, one can pass a class when you miss one point. It is a rarity when that is not the case. Still, we need to remember when you are in a panic attack that, you are in a place where survival instinct is in one area, and your normal activities are in another. You are held between the two, where things feel both fast and slow to the point where you feel out of place, even if you are sitting down. The thing is that no matter what happens during your bad days, you just need to get by. You need to make it and finish whatever you are. Afterward, you are just sitting in a funk of hatred and wondering where you failed and how you go on but what happens when things are not going as you need them to go.

I am so happy for those who never have it because a panic attack is a royal kick to the head. Not fun to the degree that I would rather wrestle an amazon practicing leg scissors than do it again. It is a great pain, and I think suits did a great job showing it.

Particularly the last couple of minutes, but sometimes you just have to get through the bad times because, with enough practice and enough work, the good times will outnumber the bad.

Hope you have a good time, and stay strong.

200800 Hours

Value your time

I cannot stand wasted time, that is to say I don’t mean be serious all the time. Sometimes a bit of time invested with a giggle can be enough to keep flying during the tough times. This is some math though, let us say on average a person lives to 80 and there are thirty years where you are a kid or out to find yourself or whatever. Means you have fifty years, and working at 8 hour days, five times a week. Comes out to about 100000 hours, if you include the 8 hours out of work, and you sleep the last 8 it means for fifty years of work on the job and your stuff you have 200800 hours.

200800 hours for everything you do. All of your work boiling down to what you got done in those hours. Seeing that number is scary for some and to see your life in such a finite state where it is the product of that time, there is still the chance where you may not get the full amount of time. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. All that time, what do you spend it on and what would make you happy when your time is up.

Some may also see that is rather dark, but for me it kind of keeps my head on the ground. Never waste time, know your value, and when others want to lower it, get out of there. No villain or anyone worth their salt are looking those hours and wondering how to fail that kind of investment. When other people make you feel worthless you have time to work into whatever you wish.

Stay Strong.

One New Book on Gumroad

Did some work on formatting this one and could not get it how I want it. The pdf was fine so we are going to work on the idea for Amazon and we will keep going we will tinker with this because the idea of AI art is something that has garnered some rage and of course there are those who wish to hide the fact it is made with AI. I feel some writing may be good with it, but for now this project is done. Can’t be happier about that. Progress made, progress done and another book down.

I did also change the gumroad page, it had the Genshin fanfiction anthology in entirety and the sarge’s verbal debriefing, both those have been removed. Quality could be better. That is how we learn though and we can definitely try again later. Sometimes we have to bang our head on the wall a couple times before getting what we want.

The books page will change obviously to match this and here is the link to the new book (click the pic)

Price is five dollars, but through this blog if you use the code highwind at check out it will take 50% off. That way you can get a little cheaper as a small token of thanks for the blog. Check that out. I think I will do another abstract book with some writings on the subjects of art and how it works in business. Could be a good project, but it is at the bottom of the list and one piece is done and there are others to do.

Somewhere between my raging at how stupid portland politics is, my own hopes, and how to be a villain we can find some things to enjoy on the blog into the future.

Of course stay strong.