Disappointment In People

A lot was going on this week, and part of it made me think about how I deal with people I felt I could trust. I am not made of money right now, and on top of it, I had to get rid of some weapons-grade bullshit.

My roomie suddenly fell in love with a con man. She is two decades older than me, devout Christian type, supposedly. Well, con man has this supposed business idea he has been trying to get off the ground for a few years now. So she put in her laptop and hundreds if not thousands of dollars, only being told that her paycheck was on the way.

Well, at the behest of my roomie she stated, that a guest would be coming down to help with the business, and I don’t like this guy. Conman said he is black ops, is about 5’9, 130 lbs dripping wet and is on the phone at all times and cannot handle when he screws up, and when anyone is mad at him, he will run away like he had to change his pants after a taco night. This person came down, and she explained she would be paid by Tuesday. Thursday came with both my roommate and conman running away. The only time my roomie shows up, she says it is not her problem despite earlier helping the guest get here and working with a con artist.

While all this is going, conman insults her, brings up her kids, and is just trying to get a rise out of her and tells her, the guest, that she needs to give five things about what she did wrong. He also said to her that the apartment was his (it wasn’t), that they had money (they don’t), and that she just had to take a loan out on her boat in Michigan before she could get paid.

Things go sour because this person, who drove down to a different state with at least a five-hour drive, recognized she was scammed and after contacting my roomie wondering what was going on. She replies that it wasn’t her problem, and I exclaim that she put her name to all this. No reply, the guest is stuck in our apartment, and now she is just walking off, not caring. I talk to her outside, wondering what caused this change, and I explain conman can’t be here.

She says that she needs to find a place for him now. I ask why she needs to if he was a businessman and couldn’t get a home, and she huffs off, stating that she will need to move in with him. She tries, explaining that they were supposed to drive down to Vegas when she said they had flight tickets. The more my roommate tries to defend this, the more times their stories are getting incorrect, disappointing me.

I wish my body could be average. I wish I could work like I used to with boundless energy. Then, I would work much longer, and all this wouldn’t be a problem.

I still got to keep going, so stay strong.

Banging My Head Against A Wall

Drying things yourself will be interesting. The items last much longer and are much easier to pulverize to powder. The problem is drying removes water which, takes away a lot of mass which means I will need more of it.

The good news is that it holds very well after being bagged up. Drying such things makes it valid for items like ramen packs, another source for a product line. If I can make a good pack in America, it could sell well.

When I can get a smoker that works for a smaller amount by cold smoking, I will work on it. Right now, I have a smoker grill, but it would be difficult to use it for smaller amounts. I wonder how that will work. In any case, maybe there is another way to get the smoking effect I am looking for.

Doing more research on who might be against me in sales is the Oregon Spice Company, which seems to only work with businesses. Through my searches in stores (when I could), I could not find any products they sold, which means they would only be competing on the business-to-business scale.

Then there was an issue that came from my family. I found out that my mother had died. The first thing that had been from that was actually a disappointment. A portion of my family had used her. Through previous visits, rare they may be, that she was not getting better care, and her own doctors and physical therapists have said just as much.

My sister would use everyone to make her own life better and emotionally manipulate all to do so. She was someone who made the deal to get our mother out of my care and under her own. Through my visits, the care she had brought and been much worse than under my supervision, and I knew it, and my mother knew it as well.

If all these people knew it, if the rest of the family understood what that meant, why didn’t they try and make an effort to give better care? Well, my father, who had the house, gave up. My sister was lazy and thought smoking was the better idea to while away her time. My sister’s husband, who lived with them, did his best but found caring for two kids and an elder and trying to clean up the house while doing his work, which was too much for him.

My brother couldn’t stand to be around them and their egotistical ways. My father couldn’t deal with the problems and just gave up and walked back into his room and his games and gave up all other goals or dreams and letting my sister run the show for the most part.

Dealing with her passing is like banging ahead in the well, like my father, her ex-husband, after a 20-year marriage. My sister is in charge of the funeral and her paperwork. She has already botched it enough times the extended family had to call her out. It has been disappointing, but I plan to focus on my goals and hope the family can clear their shit out.

Behind The Clock

No, I did not forget, just was working on a lot of stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Well, got a digital scale again so now I can start costing things out and this will get me to figure out my price points. Also, got my old laptop powered up and got my old bath salt formulas for the sake of maybe selling it later, all natural, pleasing and unique scents, but that is for later. We are working on the foodstuffs and currently roasting off the onion and garlic to see what it grinds down to, taking down some info and going over some of what I had from my old laptop.

That is about 15 gb of data to go through getting what I can from it. That is a lot of work.

Also found older formulas for other products flavor mixes, and whatnot so that is always a nice little thing to hold on too. I know this is way late, but I have also had a lot of health issues including a set of tmj spasms that feel like someone is bolting my tendons to my skull.

Still it is nice to have that extra laptop and charger in the closet just in case I need it. Other things are just getting some data and beginning to see where my numbers are which would have been a lot easier if it were for my health. I cant complain though, I am doing what I can to get better health and I knew this had a chance of happening so all I can do is continue to soldier on.

Sorry, this took a while to get down but I do hope you join me as I try to make it even further because right now with how things going seeing some positive front and center is something we can all use.

Stay strong.

It Stings In Blind Spots

As many of the writings have shown here, I ask a lot of questions, sometimes I get it wrong, sometimes right, but I do try. One thing I absolutely hate is zealotry for the sake of one’s side despite everything. That is different from believing it and realizing there are faults. In fact, it could be just as much as the difference between meaningful conversation and yelling at a wall.

Also, as much as I try to push myself to do better things. The past few days have been difficult because there have been many moments where I feel out of place.

It finally capped off with a conversation on Twitter about politics. While they were very passionate and we had issues with the other’s points, something was touched upon that made me think.

I have lived and around the Portland area for the better part of three decades. Politically it is not a flattering cross-section for any group. Those who backed the mayor failed in many metrics, including gun safety, homelessness, quality of life. They couldn’t stop the protests when they picked up and continued. This person was so adamant so passionate about their political beliefs being correct. While they were more open than most, they still were more emotionally wrapped in the issues.

Which made me think back to the concert. I have been so emotionally numb for fear that I don’t want something I may do or say to be used against me, especially against my goals. This is led me to think about why I am so guarded, and it came to me.

In my life, I have had my family betray me, my loved friends killed, my name besmirched, harassed by police, used as a poker chip, tossed away from a family that hated me. I have been shot at dozens of times, lit on fire on three separate occasions, countless sprains, concussions, bruises, torn tendons, pulled muscles, spasms, fibromyalgia, and that is just off the top of my head.

After all that, you get a bit jaded. I have found that in going day by day, I never really allowed myself to emotionally relax.

It stings when you know you still have growing to do, especially when you feel you made progress. Still, a mile is made of many steps, and hopefully, by the time I reach my goals, I can be a good enough person, at least to make this mudball a little better as well.

Stay strong.

Relaxing when Onions get Expensive

I got to put my hair down, so to speak, and go see a concert, a concert whose tickets I had been holding since before the pandemic. Joy. The show still had a VIP meetup but did not tell me about it because I didn’t buy it in July or September. I held on to my tickets from 2020.

Thanks, Moda Center; nothing makes me feel like I know what I am doing, like getting your people on phone calls and getting “I don’t know for 30 minutes” and no effort to help out. Makes me feel like a real wunderkind when the guy with half a properly working nervous system can do better.

Do I sound angry? Really I am not. Lindsay Stirling had a great concert, and I was close enough that the bass gave me a free back massage through my ribcage for missing the VIP meetup earlier.

Roommate couldn’t get her paperwork, so I invited a past co-worker who I knew liked it. All the while, I couldn’t shake the idea that I should be trying to look at different formulas for flavor profiles or work on my project and being in a group of people like that.

Well, to say out of place would be an understatement.

Moda center needs better food, though. Seating-wise, the front area near the stage was sold out. However, it was not a complete sell-out which is sad; Lindsay Stirling is a bright, bubbly person that is almost so saccharine sweet that every jaded one will feel their own hearts growing a size by the end of the show. It shows honestly, though, and I would suggest it if you like her music.

Doing other things when I could be working on my projects makes me fidgety, it makes my breath hitch a little more, and I get a little more skittish when I need to stand still.

Started building the price book and a couple new formulas I want to try that I think will be proper hits. One stumbling block has been my roommate, who was borrowing my digital scale, has lost it, so I will need to replace it to get more accurate numbers on use and volume. Overall though, it was a good experience. It made me think of more than just what but the why with some exciting introspection.

Costs are still going up, but luckily I can make things in a way that doesn’t kill the price, I feel. I still need to math it out to find out what my cost is and how to get the best profit from it.

Always some to do, but progress can be found even in lighter weeks. Hope things are going well for you.

Stay Strong.

Progress at Any Length

Three products were designed and worked on to the point where I can feel like selling them.

One is a salt substitute that includes some different dried mushrooms ground to powder and a pinch of white pepper. If salt does it, then this combination, after a process, brings out more flavor than ever. It takes a full day from when the mushrooms come into when I can put them in the seasoning, and that is, although time-intensive, the flavor it brings is second to none. I have done some light testing against similar products, which are not many, and honestly, I feel like mine tops the heap.

The second one is sugar and a mix of roasted vegetables, fruits, and garlic with a bit of brown sugar. Put that together, and it becomes a mix that works on anything and has a sweet, savory balance that works on meats and roasted vegetables and even some panna cotta. It does not blast other foods or seasonings you are enjoying. No matter how much you eat, it does stand up to anything I have thrown at it making it a perfect co-star in the spice cabinet.

Last is something I tripped over, taking some of the two blends and a couple of extra things and turning them into a spice rub that turned out some of the best barbecue I ever made. Three products, and right now, I cant make a whole lot. It takes at least a full day to cook them down and grind them to powders, so there is that, but I also will have a powdered soup stock as my next item to try.

I still need to find a price point that people can understand. I mean, if someone can make all your food taste good, how much would you pay for it? For restaurants, if I can provide you a flavor profile that would take you hours and take anything next level, how much?

Price points have been an issue of mine before, so it will take some time to research them. However, I have tried selling things at too cheap, and people that there was something wrong with it, and it was a price I had initially thought to be fair.

I had a meeting with a score mentor to go over some of the things I will need to find out about my products to succeed. Of course, there always seems to be things to do, but if you go to my stream and look at my banner, you will see something. A grid behind the big T and in the filled squares is something of a collage, each one representing something I have done as a streamer.

So many questions to answer, but we made it farther than we were last week, so progress is something at least.

So much to do. So little time

I love my city. My past collection of writings are kind of a tip-off to it. Unfortunately, the problem is now bigger than ever. We have a sheer flood of zealotry with some of the worst people on the city commissioner. Honestly, it seems that the different groups of people want to act like screaming children.

Blood has been shed, people have been hurt, and honestly, it hurts to see so much pain, the dirt, the homelessness. It really does hurt because there was a magic of Portland before all of this; there really was. It is just something where people have really poisoned it over time, and now it honestly feels like seeing someone I actually care about die. There is nothing I can do about it.

Luckily, cities can build again, but right now, it is so sick from top to bottom that I would need to have a herculean effort. A little luck to get the ball moving in the right direction. Hence, when people try to say some things, I tend to fire my mouth off without holstering.

If people ever call me an asshole, there is a good chance that I will nod and accept it; I have made my peace with it.

Okay, enough bitching, what is new, been filling out some formulas on spice blends and seeing what prices are previously dried, but it looks like that it would be much cheaper doing it in-house. Got a logo done as well and even thought of some fun new ways of advertising that I think will get a chuckle. Still, that is getting ahead, but if one is a fan of the old Segata Sanshiro commercials, one may like where I take it.

Also got a draft of the primary logo, filled out a more in-depth business plan, and looked for ways to make the business really shine. All of this is kind of new to me again, and hopefully, the idea maybe I can go on Indiegogo, or Kickstarter, or something like that.

I got to go to the doctor because I have been more exhausted than ever as of late. So hopefully, I can come up with a plan to fight it because I cannot sleep all the time. Always seems like there are more things to do than time in the day. I also need to fix a grinder. Oh well.

Monday Thoughts

Wrote a children’s book, illustrated it, tried to to have conversations and the world is down to being a group of screeching narwhals seemingly for no reason except screaming and it is tiring.

Starting to come up with a business plan, and starting to start up some paperwork about things to make and costing each portion out.

If you want to get the book you can do so below.

https://mrtanderson.gumroad.com/l/WGdSA

Learning the Rules of Business

I do not know how to do business.

I know how to make deals. Trading is within my wheelhouse just fine but I do not know how to take what I can do and start something new with it. Knowledge and skill just don’t fall in to the formula mentally for me to know that path.

Been listening to a few different podcasts and YouTube videos and he said a line that at least I think, taught me something important. Paul Heyman is, for those who do not know is a wrestling promoter and personality, that has done a fair amount in a lot of different places. Content, financing, and distribution are three things he deems the most important in reference to the business. He was on Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Ranch and it was just also a lesson in something else.

Until it happens, until the money is in your account, do not count on anyone honoring to their word, as he regaled those with how the pay-per-view company held more then two million dollars when they needed it and the company in charge of the ppv distribution thought it would be cheaper to handle it in court versus just paying them what had been earned from their contract.

Those three things if I can hammer out and make sure that I am not going from one paycheck to another should be a good set of things to start my future businesses. After that then the first things would be how to get money to invest into my business when for all intents and purposes I’m broke as a joke.

Always something to do. It seems no rest for the wicked, but I will stop here for now. Stay strong everyone.

Portland to Portlandia to Portlandistan

I have felt utterly defeated not only because people in this city seem to have a problem with listening. I am utterly disgusted by the city, in efforts to try and stop whatever they are trying to do with the pandemic businesses are closing down in masses, homeless camp cover the parks where they dotted them before and watching Hardesty and Wheeler speak on things of importance is like wanting to bond my soul to a bottle of bleach and the only reason the others on the city board aren’t here is they have done absolutely nothing of major importance.

Not one positive thing has come out of this collection of intellectual failures roaming around as a city council. Instead, more people are dying, less people protect them, more businesses are shuttering, and less money can be made. While some of the dumbest people are clucking about signaling they have the brightest virtues. Failing in methods makes me wonder if they are either full of malice or idiots so low on an intellectual scale that they should be removed from office.

Hardesty is emotional, but she is a fool. Her intense reliance on everything being racism with no evidence and no moral fiber is easy enough to understand. She is hunting boogeymen that are simply not there, even by the cities and her own numbers.

Wheeler. Ted Wheeler has to be one of the dumbest people to take the office of mayor. May I remind you that this was the same person who actively worked Antifa and allied groups against the proud boys. Hate them or love them, I don’t care but the proud boys are not worse then Antifa and their ilk. Which made the start of banning one and permitting the other a shocking turn. Something I even said “ would rebound badly if this civil unrest is not put under control” I was right. Some people say I wasn’t because that it hurts their feelings.

Fuck you I was right, and I hate that I was. I hate I cannot stand that me, a person with no formal political training called almost verbatim, I said 5-10 years and I sunk it closer to 10. Portland’s east side is beginning to mirror that of Chicago, and the nickname from those who live there is based off a conflict we had for years. So Chiraq being what it is, I would like the right to nickname, as I have been right more then any other person on the subject of the city, to be Portlandistan.

Also, those on Twitter claim that nothing is wrong by the city’s own numbers things are factually incorrect. Living in the whitest, hipster infested, morally bankrupt sections of the city does not meanmuch when you do not know any better. You do not count for east, northwest or even the southwest where camps have sprouted in the woods near highways. You. Are.Wrong.

What is a big problem is the following. Say you don’t like something doing their job, so someone else needs to do it or the duties need to be transferred over. You cannot just go and try to destroy the old jobholder without planning to move the duties to something else that can properly handle it. No matter what it is from the cops, the city council, or even the mental health system, one can’t just burn it down without putting in something else. If it isn’t ready, the damage trying to install a new system from scratch will pale what the system previous did.

Another thing will be coming out today on this blog about another project. So if you want to stay and keep reading, then that’s great. If you do not I understand but for my own mental health if I don’t do other things, I will need a bottle of rum and a padded room.