Writing

I write things when I can actually get enough letters together to make sense.

Thoughts on School Senate

So for those who don’t know, I am a school senator for my community college. With everything going, it would be nice if something got easier. Then I had to hear the results from the first week and found two people past me.

Fuck.

When best efforts puts you third.

Welp. Things get hard. You gotta get harder. With everything going on, my body will be made of diamonds for the rest of my life because there is not enough time to do it while everything is still getting done as of writing this, a lot of things are already coming in, and there is little idea what to do although some projects do need to get wrapped up some time and there had been some work done in quite a few things.

People have told me that things will need to take time and that it moves slowly. For those new here, I am the same person most people think would stop breathing if I stopped doing it. Makes this infinitely more difficult because slow means good in some cases, but sometimes things need to get done. With coming back from the pandemic, from going from online only for the most part to bringing people back, there is a lot that needs to be done, and time will be something that will not be friendly.

Agreements are had when something will need to go slow, but there are times one needs to hit the gas and move before one can’t, or one will lose momentum. We cannot have that because we can only be senators for a short time, a year, which means we have to put as much into it as possible. Does anyone else feel like a clock is running too quickly about their work or your projects? Right now, it feels like there is a lot getting done, but to counter the clock is right behind me. What can be done? I wish I knew, but right now, it seems there is movement on all fronts, so in that case, we gonna run for as much as we can til the wheels fall off.

Remember, winter is coming, and that means now more than ever. If you can get extra things to eat in case the power goes out or you have a way to light your fireplace, then now is the time to get it in order. We have had some in storage here, and while you do not need a lot, make sure you have some to rely on in case things go badly.

Stay warm and stay strong.

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Two Months Left

November comes, and things change in the game of tomes. New forces want to make a name, and old ones want to re-establish why they had been around so long. I won the first time to show I could write. I won the second individual award to show that I belonged. Since then, life has gotten only more chaotic and more painful. I am a senator of the student body in my community college. Now, as it stands, I will be moving forward as the only two-time winner competing because of events in between the competitions.

The other one, who was in my house also, had not been able to continue moving forward. We have a new leader in my house, and now I am the elder. I am the person with the longest tenure. My house has never been the house that won, and now we need to be a major player more than ever. So my goal is half a million to do half a million words or edits in thirty days when it was such a problem a year ago to do a million.

The first time was to try, second was to show I belonged. Each time the past few have been a problem because there has been more that takes my energy, and last time I pushed so hard my hands cramped up and needed days of rest just to loosen. I need to beat that score by about 80,000. Now, it is a small thing in life. Still, I never really counted myself as a writer and not even a good one at times. I need to work on self-depreciation, but this is a moment where if I want to show people they can through my action, I need the victory. There are enough projects I can do, and there are enough ways to work on them. It is just about if I have enough time and energy to do it on top of everything else.

Normally my writing has not been about me, or at least efforts were made to not have to be so self-focused. This is more just my thoughts because it hurt last time to finish, but it hurt more to finish second. In the time between events editing and polishing have been a focus, but there needs to be a victory here, to be the first to three. Not because of force but to show that I am genuinely about what I say I am, another piece of advice in a time seemingly ready to spin falsehoods. I want people to look at me in competitions and take a crack if that makes them better people. To be the one that people look to in something and goes, ‘if he can, then so can I”. To do it, I need to constantly push myself. Here is something where the victory individually needs to be mine.

The goal for this event is that there needs to be 50k every three days, no missing any, and no time off for thirty days. Something that I, three years ago, would have thought to be a fool’s errand.
I was close last time, I did the math, and if there was health for thirty days, I would have been brushing against it then. I have to find a way to make myself the machine I need to be to finish and then look at the plans for the next goals and see where my next steps are. That will be after this because a lot of work will need to be done.

This will not be so polished because there is doubt, and some portion is unsure if it can be done. There is no place it can stop me; it will just be me trying, and hopefully, it is enough. Afterward, the work can be done into something people can enjoy. I hope this month there is something you can go for as passionately as I go for mine, and if you do not, may I hope you find it.

Sorry for the thought vomit. I just had to get some things out.
Happy Halloween, and Stay Strong

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One New Book on Gumroad

Did some work on formatting this one and could not get it how I want it. The pdf was fine so we are going to work on the idea for Amazon and we will keep going we will tinker with this because the idea of AI art is something that has garnered some rage and of course there are those who wish to hide the fact it is made with AI. I feel some writing may be good with it, but for now this project is done. Can’t be happier about that. Progress made, progress done and another book down.

I did also change the gumroad page, it had the Genshin fanfiction anthology in entirety and the sarge’s verbal debriefing, both those have been removed. Quality could be better. That is how we learn though and we can definitely try again later. Sometimes we have to bang our head on the wall a couple times before getting what we want.

The books page will change obviously to match this and here is the link to the new book (click the pic)

Price is five dollars, but through this blog if you use the code highwind at check out it will take 50% off. That way you can get a little cheaper as a small token of thanks for the blog. Check that out. I think I will do another abstract book with some writings on the subjects of art and how it works in business. Could be a good project, but it is at the bottom of the list and one piece is done and there are others to do.

Somewhere between my raging at how stupid portland politics is, my own hopes, and how to be a villain we can find some things to enjoy on the blog into the future.

Of course stay strong.

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July is Over

There is a level where you do something, and there seems to be a part of you that wants to do the chaos dance, especially against a specific group. In Genshin Impact, the term ‘chaos mage’ may be familiar. For those who would play it, they would be in a single element, often shielded, and make your life that much worse in game. Out of game, a chaos mage is someone who does something intricate to anger or tweak the nose of a group. So there is a writing project that will add to the books to get everything even more chaotic, but this is something I had a giggle fit when listening to everyone talk about the lore of World of Warcraft, something I know less than some breakfast dishes about. An idea came that I should take the most egregious of the lore spinners. Such spinners think their crap doesn’t stink, and they own the book on all things within the universe and tweak their nose to the point they crack under pressure or laugh at the absurdity of my work.

On top of that, there is a bit of fun that will be a little later as this is also being used to pad my word counts a touch because let us say things in the writing competition I am in as come down to in the third week a difference of over 150 words. All the projects need formatting, getting to the point of hilarity. Remember, there is a large, almost nutty pile of things that can be formatted and worked on to their release, and it is getting to the point where things are silly if I do not. This does not mean they are great works of fiction, but over time I think they have gotten better from the first drafts. I need to get a lot of these out soon. After that, I will need to look at my classes and my projects, but something about competing is what I missed. It reminds me of who I was once and who I can be again, and for the briefest moments, I forget the pain and feel like I can charge one more time. I will be the first three-time winner, but oh boy, it will be tough to do it. Through this whole thing, it looks like I will be close to a million not in a year but in three individual months, and that is more than I ever thought done. If my score ends at 333k, that will mean there will be something to the tune of 850 thousand words written and edited in three months, and that will be amazing writers groups or not.

With that kind of fire, there are projects that will make a dip in the water, and there is excitement coming through me. It will not be an easy fight, someone is trying to make their second victory in this, and they had competed in one of the first events. Who wins, the old guard looking to show they can make a comeback or the current champ? Mind you, a rival is gaining steam. A shadowy writer is trying to catch up, so all of this converges at one moment where people can all try, and only one person will win. I will talk about how I did next week from this post, but like any day with a blog post, it must end with something.

Stay Strong.

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Tunnel Vision on the Finish Line

There are moments in your life when talking really has to stop. When a goal is right in front of you and all you can do is just stretch yourself and grasp it. After every pain and practice you took to be good at something it was within that moment it all added up and those extra inches, and moments added to all you could do making you seem more then your usual self. Despite all the good and bad in the world it takes so much focus that you cannot see much else except on the task in front of you and what it means to you. It could be something big or something small.

I love these moments because there is no place for me to soften the sting of failure, I did it or I failed and good competition makes it something where you have to rise to the challenge. When you look in the mirror and there is no more talking and there is a bizarre calmness where you have to just do it and there is nothing else that can be done. You could be crippled or poor but they cannot take you away from you and making yourself work to the best of your strengths and lose the least from your weaknesses is something that can make you smile because you have a chance.

So let me answer why these writing events are like that for me. Because, all three months, all three events had been under different circumstances and had enough to deal with. One I didn’t even know if I was a writer, two was when it only mattered to me and I matched the only other person out of hundreds of possible people who had won twice. This one, means I have to keep everything going to such a degree where I cannot fail because if I do then everything fails. I am currently an honor student, I am in summer classes. I am working part time and I am training to get in better shape. All of this in the same time frame, day by day and work on your projects, your food, your music and your stream do it all and do not let anything go one inch back. It makes me smile because it is just the level of crazy that I would approve of, and the thing when it is done like this. When people make excuses there is some attempt to mar it but the sheer amount, the sheer volume and list of everything done is something where people can try to make excuses but it would only make them look foolish.

You may do badly and tell everyone it was a conspiracy, but let us be honest you know better. Good or bad sometimes you just are not at the level you want and you take that fire to grow and turn into something you are proud of. Change is coming and there is a point where you instead of running away from it just brace you feet and start running knowing win or lose with whatever comes you may make some memories and you have just that inkling of that faith in you because you made it through harder times, through more painful times, through, more depressing times, and you still finished to the best of your ability.

There is something maddening and yet something not because when you run hot you feel it through you. You know you are running like a fine tuned machine and hiccups aside this is as good as you will get at this time and now people or yourself has to deal because there is no chance you are letting this time, that practice and all that work go to waste. Is the world gonna suck? Always, to some degree, but you have control over you and how you react and some can be happy and bubbly and some not but you can do this and make it happen all you have to do is push a little more. Stretch yourself and grab the banner at the finish line on your goals. People may not get it and they do not need to, if goals were easy everyone would do it, and a lot of people do not do a darn thing.

Find something and start pushing because the world is gonna change and you might as well do it, because you never know what you can do sometimes if you just go.

Stay strong and write your legend.

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One More Time in Tourney of Tomes

No, I am not getting into the supreme court decisions at this time. I have had to explain no less than three separate times when even those on Twitter cannot argue the points. The actual facts, well, I am going to take the time and go over things because otherwise, it has been a good week, and people can get doom and gloom anywhere else. So for this moment, the move seems to be to take the time and go over the positives because more stuff got done, and for everything to progress, there are still things to learn.

July, the target is to claim the Game of Tomes top spot for the third consecutive time and have more books, more things, and all of what could be done. After that, nothing else could be done, and paperwork is getting in to join the student senate, granted at community college. Still, all things start at one point or another. If for the third time, my name stands at the top of the individual board, that means not only done three separate times, not only back to back, but it would be for twelve months straight. My first was in the November competition last year, then the tourney of tales after that, and from the first day of the previous Game of Tomes to the next, it will be one full year. Getting this third event means that for 365 days, the top writer and editor on Twitch is me since for at least another full year, at a minimum, no one would be able to do it. I am the second to do it back to back, but three times means something a little more, allowing me to knock out more stuff off the writing list.

News from the doctor came back bad because while there was a lot of good seen from the diet and exercise regiment, there was a fear that pushing to join any strongman events this year would be a risk too many and so has said as of now unless a severe change can be done that clearance will not be granted. That hurts but is understandable and does not stop the physical process of trying to better myself. It just means it may take longer.

Added is also a link to the nexus page https://www.nexus.gg/mrbigtanderson a game storefront for creators where a small portion of it goes to me. Do not push yourself, but every so often, it will change just to see, and sometimes a good deal will be there. Check if you are looking for something new. All of it has been something, and there is still a lot to do. There always is, so stay strong. 

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I am Heading a Table at a Virtual Convention

I never understood how some people could have nothing to do. I seemingly have 34 hours of work every day. It tires me to the core when everything isn’t hurting, or my jaw is ripped up. Unfortunately, I did rip up something in my jaw again. It is getting easier, though. My second semester is done, and we know what the second degree should be. Despite everything, the decision was made to take some school loans just in case things go bonkers again.

The second semester of college is done, and unless I botched the final for statistics which could very well be the case, except there was a formulas sheet that was allowed to be used and could not be found, making it all much more difficult as if anyone has tried doing a math final without even a sheet of formulas is a ‘migraine. Nevertheless, I feel that while not an ‘A’, the final will be enough to keep me on the honor roll, which was a goal at the beginning of this semester.

I also made some cookie-filled cupcakes with white chocolate and cream cheese frosting. At some point, the recipe card should be put up here sometime. One of those things that get done hopefully sooner than later. Also, Writers Conduit on Twitch ( I am on twitch @ MrBigTAnderson ) during the last weekend in June will have me as someone heading up the table about Milwordy. How to beat it, the challenges you would face, and how to get the most out of it.

Third Table in Two Years

Speaking of challenges, more are coming, and while some signs of my body going for the better, jaw spasms and tears are not in that count. It seems that disability or not, more physical force will be needed. If one wants to change the world, then one needs a change the world effort, and it does not care if the body can handle it or not.

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Tinker Tailor Soldier Sailor

Tiring, school is very tiring, but we had some work done, so let us go over the basics. I have found some places I can sell artwork. I think Redbubble will be my choice for right now as I have not heard too much negative from my friends using them, so that is coming soon. We have a lot of different artwork and even a couple of designs. I have one for a couple of designs I came up with when I was dabbling, and with the art and some other things, it could be a time to push that a little further. It will be fun to say I have merch and whatnot.
One other thing I wanted to get done is to fix up a Milwordy document readable in both excel and open office that can keep track of your word count if you try Milwordy or are just wanting something to keep you honest over a time frame. Due to how much time it took to get all the graphs ready on the last page breaking down by every three-month block what heavy edits, light edits writing and how everything stacks up. I will have it on Gumroad for a price of one dollar. It took me a fair amount of time. It includes something for excel, open office, and a read me, so anyone who wants to try Milwordy can give it a round. So products are going well. A few more of those are being sold, and been looking through the logistics for something akin to a U.S made version of Alibaba, something where it can be mass made in country, and yet that sort of thing does not exist; I have found.
I would like to get three things done, but looking at prices and some health risks on the third thing, the first two may be what I can do this year, and that is to upgrade both my desk and my computer because right now I am currently working on my laptop that has had some issues but has been like a good dog, faithful and doing its best for all it needs to do. Been a lot of work, and now we just need to keep rolling on everything else that is done. For all the problems there have been going on, I feel that a lot can be made and really build a better future we had in mind. It may be a pipe dream, but we shall see in that case.
So if you are a writer and fancy yourself wanting to see how much you do over a period, I will try to have this up after the Gumroad account has it. It may take me a few moments until afterward, but I am working on it. I am happy to see that it may be something to make a little money for writers. It may be late at night for me and maybe for you the day it comes out, but I hope you take a look and if you want to write and keep track then.

https://gumroad.com/js/gumroad-embed.js
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Trying to make things happen. Stay strong, everyone.

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Trying To Do It All

Some days I feel like I am made more out of duct tape, bubblegum, and gorilla glue than whatever actually counts as a human. Over the past three months, I have had my neck pop off calcium crystals and after that had TMJ spasms that had full-on ripped things from my neck to the point where I had to cease all weightlifting exercises and stop working with my weighted vest.

Been learning how to use some AI art tools and my Instagram should show those as of late. It’s not my usual stuff but it does use my talents in another way so I cannot complain and I like working with it. Despite all the progress it sucks when I get injured and have to take more time to heal up if I could just at least get to a point where I do not have to worry about health issues and then being hurt. Pain or not things need to keep moving otherwise will be as bad as they have always been

Ai art here 

Not bad for Ai and ME

What can be done though? I do my best and try what I can all for the sake of making headway and just try to get out of my own way when I need to heal up. That is all I can do now, heal up and do other things to make sure to get my exercise and work on the projects as I need to and one of them is going to be the inside garden I need to make. It has been one of the things needing to get done but everything else has been getting pushed back. We have gotten a couple things growing though, and you know it is nice to enjoy the small bits of progress when one can. 

Progress is being made and it looks like the milwordy will be hit before the seventh month. It will be very difficult to be clear as to the halfway point but let me put it in perspective. A million words is a challenge and as of right now let me go over things that have been done. Just to put it in perspective as to what has been in that million words so far not that I have hit at 800k

41 fanfiction, including edits –https://www.fanfiction.net/~bigtanderson you can check those here 

A year of blog posts – rather loose on the meaning of creative, but even in nonfiction one has to be creative and I think if you show the writing from the start of November to now you will find a big difference.

A children’s book – https://mrtanderson.gumroad.com/l/WGdSA

2 semesters of creative writing projects, because, yes I have been going to college while I have been doing this.

2 book drafts finished

9 light edited

2 heavy edited

With several more to go.

In one year even the stupid book of insults had been something that added to the profile. I can say I will hit the goal because unless I got knocked into a coma for six months the finish line is well within range and that is good to know but we can try and push even harder and get it done before my birthday.

My birthday is May 1st. While everything is going on if I can do this in the next will be five days if I release it on time. Before that, I will not be able to do much on Sunday as that is my day with my uncle. That means I roughly have 9 days to do what I need to do with everything and to make it all possible. That would be a hard ask and probably is not going to happen but it should be able to happen before the end of May. Even to hit a million by month seven would be a sure feather in my cap I found a few more people that had done it, but I am also developing a book file to work in excel or an open office for people to chart their own writing over a year.

I have had some time to think on the point of the Indiegogo with a couple people I know who had run some successful ones and I think that will be the next project to work on behind the scenes and start getting it out there. I think we are ready to make that happen. Tweaking and working that is next on that list and the next twitch project is the music run with all that keeping classes high is going to be important because to make it on the honor roll even starting off at a community college where I am getting some progress made.

All in all, I feel I should be happy, but there is still some specter making me think not to count it until it is over the finish line. Maybe that is the kind of person I am but in any case, this month there had been a writing competition on Twitch. Yes, I am on twitch, and yes I am about as nonserious as one would expect, this is really one of my most serious points. I am rambling I just wanted to get some thoughts off with Portland being what it is right now.

Stay strong.

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All for the Sake of Power

For all the people trying to help other groups or go to bat for all the supposed slights against their group, one thing that could be done right now and people would actually have to see that Portland is about trying to help people. We have a group of people that are still struggling to get the benefits that should be given to them and often have few or no people to help get them what they are due. Disabled people, across the board, have had to deal with a system that actively pushes them away for the sake of wanting to keep payouts low. This should be a simple thing where we take evidence of the disability and see if it matches what is needed. Make sure one has the evidence to back it up, check the validity of the evidence, and if all that checks out make sure they get benefits to help out. For some reason or another, there just is a time of struggle for anyone trying to get some money in a situation where it seems like the world is against them. 

If you try to make the most of your life despite meeting the disability there is a good chance that you will be denied for years upon years. Each attempt for it failing meant another couple of years before the next appeal. Depending on their health it could very well mean that they will not be able to survive, or that they will be in much worse health because the money that should be there would be something that would allow them to keep some semblance of a quality of life. Some people may not be happy about the disability program thinking it is a quick road to ill-gotten gains and if you had thought this then you never had to go get it because when talking with people who are trying it is more shocking to hear people getting it first try and less shocking that people would wait for ten years just to get some form of pittance.

Pittance by the way is exactly as it should be because remember, this is for the people who can not work gainfully, either full or part-time to earn enough money to live a basic life. According to the census to be counted as under the poverty line one has to earn 12,880 dollars in most of theU.S with D.C, Hawaii, and Alaska. We will work from the lower number for the sake of ease and skewing it against our own side to the point to try and attempt some fair discussion. 12 thousand dollars is a lot in one time but splitting that up times the 12 months means you are now working with just over a thousand dollars but the max one can get specifically for those who have been in low pay work is generally around 800 dollars. 

You could work for ten years and have some maladious effect on your health and you still would not be able to survive on what you get. On top of that if you want to make things so that you find a way to skrimp and save you cannot have more than 2000 dollars in an account to work with. That makes it nearly impossible for people to move or do anything of value when you have to make sure that when you do it you have to make sure you will never need it again, and by the way, this does not include stuff like tax refunds or anything like that. Disability is not set or used as a hand up because there are disabled people if they could be given a way to at least get the resources they have qualified for they would be more open to trying to work or do things to help their communities. 

All of this is based on the ruling of judges who do not care to try for the most part and no punishment or party is keeping them in check. If your judge cannot read, that’s on you, if your judge cannot spell, that’s on you. If your judge just hates disabled people and gets a boner only from making people so miserable that for many there is no response, then find out where they live, send them glitter in the mail and stuff enough fruit up every tailpipe that every car can be called a fruit salad. That is also on you, though. Also, because I know some people may not be able to read the last line and understand the tone, that was done in a joking manner. 

Still, it sucks and it needs work and for a lot of people, there isn’t any hope. Really makes you wonder why more disabled people just haven’t gone full supervillain, wouldn’t shock me a bit. How much would one be able to take before feeling that the world is against them with enough moments to hammer it home.

Stay strong.

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