Last Post of the Year

2021 is coming to an end, and like many times in the year, my jaw is quivering because of a spasm. Still, this year has a lot of highs and lows, and it seems more stuff is rolling, and we are now left here with an idea of what we had to go through in the last year and hopes for the future.

This will be the last message for me for the year, and I will write again for the blog in 2022, and hopefully, there will be much more stuff to go over. It will be difficult for some when we get into the new year, but I do hope that you will make as much progress and even more than me. Do the things you want to do and go for something you never thought possible.

My health will continue to be bad, and while that may take me out of action for a couple of days, it seems that if I can just keep going, there is something more. Some people over the year have claimed me to be one of the strongest they know, and honestly, I do not feel like it. Maybe, that is something that I can shake off in the next twelve months. Do enough that I can look in the mirror and chase off the shadows.

As an end-of-the-year post, let me tell you this.

I have been deemed depressed, or however, the tag works. It is just me against the darkness behind my eyes, and sometimes it gets hard to keep moving. If I keep moving, though, there is something of looking for something, doing more and more, breaking down doors, and going up floors, they will never dispel from the core. Still, maybe for a moment of glory in the next chapter of my story, the pieces I find can make me feel whole again.

Between all the issues in the world and my own problems, there is always a chance that I will never be content with what I have done. That is something I have already made my peace with. However, sometimes some people are never happy with everything, and if I keep my eyes on the next thing, then maybe I can get enough done to make progress. A constant need to test and grow can be bad in some cases, but at least I have enough challenges in front of me that I won’t go without something to do for a while.

Alright, that was about as much super personal stuff we got on this one. I will see you all next time, folks. Hopefully, your new year goes well and like all the other times.

Stay Strong.

Nervous but Intrigued -Personal

Part of me is scared. I hit my head hard enough that I had a nice little ride to the emergency room. My balance seems like it is getting worse, but I cannot let this whole thing turn me into a hermit while there is so much to do, and there are still so many questions. Why did I gain 120 lbs in a week and not go up a size. Why is my balance and my back and shoulders shot to hell? Why do my limbs go numb for hours at a time making it harder to use them?

I have had to retrain my body to do things. I cannot cook like I want to without risking cuts or burns. If it wasn’t for the callouses my hands would look like charcoal by now, and all this bothers me because I felt I was so good at things. Despite how hard I pushed it was only looking back that the progress was seen. I hated how slow it went, but on the rare glances back I would have that monet of fleeting happiness before the next challenge lined up.

Some people said I was emotionally running away. I think it was more running to something. I always felt like my time had passed without me knowing, and since then I have felt like I have been in a constant battle against time. Not in the sake of life and death, but just getting that little bit more experience before moving to the next part of life that we all must face leaving this world to whatever is next. I guess it wouldn’t be a fight against the clock, but against the thought of total failure then now that I’m trying to put the thoughts to keyboard.

Rushing from one goal to another like I’m an old warrior looking fora fight, this way will not do me well to have it continue. That is where the intrigue comes in because I evolve to suit my conditions fairly well and I think it will get to the point soon because I am not just going to roll over and give it up. When I was 320 I could hit hard enough to break heavy bags enough to almost be banned from a gym after the third fix even off my bad leg I could stil do leg presses for reps at 600 which is not my original weight at about 900, but after a few years without trying to keep up with it you will lose some ability without bringing it back up.

I am intrigued to see where this wil leave me because maybe if I can get the balance things sorta settled maybe speed and endurance should be my next targets physically. After you train long enough in one thing it seems to stick better, and even now if I had to I could throw my weight around still it just cant happen so much since my balance has been shot so has my endurance or stamina. Still it may just be time to redesign myself with this new issues in mind, rebuild myself to the best of my ability before reclaiming what I think should be mine so to speak.