disabled

All for the Sake of Power

For all the people trying to help other groups or go to bat for all the supposed slights against their group, one thing that could be done right now and people would actually have to see that Portland is about trying to help people. We have a group of people that are still struggling to get the benefits that should be given to them and often have few or no people to help get them what they are due. Disabled people, across the board, have had to deal with a system that actively pushes them away for the sake of wanting to keep payouts low. This should be a simple thing where we take evidence of the disability and see if it matches what is needed. Make sure one has the evidence to back it up, check the validity of the evidence, and if all that checks out make sure they get benefits to help out. For some reason or another, there just is a time of struggle for anyone trying to get some money in a situation where it seems like the world is against them. 

If you try to make the most of your life despite meeting the disability there is a good chance that you will be denied for years upon years. Each attempt for it failing meant another couple of years before the next appeal. Depending on their health it could very well mean that they will not be able to survive, or that they will be in much worse health because the money that should be there would be something that would allow them to keep some semblance of a quality of life. Some people may not be happy about the disability program thinking it is a quick road to ill-gotten gains and if you had thought this then you never had to go get it because when talking with people who are trying it is more shocking to hear people getting it first try and less shocking that people would wait for ten years just to get some form of pittance.

Pittance by the way is exactly as it should be because remember, this is for the people who can not work gainfully, either full or part-time to earn enough money to live a basic life. According to the census to be counted as under the poverty line one has to earn 12,880 dollars in most of theU.S with D.C, Hawaii, and Alaska. We will work from the lower number for the sake of ease and skewing it against our own side to the point to try and attempt some fair discussion. 12 thousand dollars is a lot in one time but splitting that up times the 12 months means you are now working with just over a thousand dollars but the max one can get specifically for those who have been in low pay work is generally around 800 dollars. 

You could work for ten years and have some maladious effect on your health and you still would not be able to survive on what you get. On top of that if you want to make things so that you find a way to skrimp and save you cannot have more than 2000 dollars in an account to work with. That makes it nearly impossible for people to move or do anything of value when you have to make sure that when you do it you have to make sure you will never need it again, and by the way, this does not include stuff like tax refunds or anything like that. Disability is not set or used as a hand up because there are disabled people if they could be given a way to at least get the resources they have qualified for they would be more open to trying to work or do things to help their communities. 

All of this is based on the ruling of judges who do not care to try for the most part and no punishment or party is keeping them in check. If your judge cannot read, that’s on you, if your judge cannot spell, that’s on you. If your judge just hates disabled people and gets a boner only from making people so miserable that for many there is no response, then find out where they live, send them glitter in the mail and stuff enough fruit up every tailpipe that every car can be called a fruit salad. That is also on you, though. Also, because I know some people may not be able to read the last line and understand the tone, that was done in a joking manner. 

Still, it sucks and it needs work and for a lot of people, there isn’t any hope. Really makes you wonder why more disabled people just haven’t gone full supervillain, wouldn’t shock me a bit. How much would one be able to take before feeling that the world is against them with enough moments to hammer it home.

Stay strong.

0 CommentsLeave a comment

Bad Days and Good Days

Bad days always make me grit my teeth as it seems they happen more and more. But, when your body seems to be falling shorter every day, there will always be good days and wrong and how you feel from one to the other.

When it is a bad day, it seems you are always a step back, on the back foot, and nothing can be done except getting as much done as you can and sleeping at the first opportunity. You can do a lot these days, and it just stinks sometimes. Pain is something that will always be there, and you could feel out of gas before you get out of the front door. Nothing feels worse than feeling less than your best, and things seem like you could do it, but you are not all there.

The day goes on, and you grind out what can be done, and all it leaves you is more tired with little done but a lot of trying. Nothing makes you feel so weak when your body feels like it is betraying you despite the best of your intentions until you finally fall over swearing at whatever gods are listening that you have to deal with such suffering, all for the sake of growing migraines. On top of all that, anything sticking in your craw when it comes to social relationships.

Bad days are like trying to stand up, and it isn’t the world against you. It is your body actively trying to fight your efforts, and it feels like gears grinding against gears. There is no workflow. There is no energy, and everything you try to push up only gets you to from waking up to going back to sleep without enough to make you happy in your days.

Now, if you could not guess, I am not very happy most days. If I did a hundred squats, I would want double. If I could lift a quarter ton, I want to lift half. If I have ten hours of energy, then I want fourteen.

However, when a good day comes, it feels different. For me, it is standing in a storm with winds whipping about around just an area for two parties to handle their differences in as physical a manner as they see fit. Just the winds blow, and the rains fall, and there is a crack of lightning and thunder, and it just feels like it is correct. Look across the area, and it is whatever is in your way, and all you have is the time and the moment to handle your business, and know that one of you will be left standing.

That is a good day that no matter me walking with a cane, I can take a breath and smell the lightning and feel the tremors and lock on target. It is just running and having a moment where it feels like that makes me dangerous. It makes me feel just for a moment like nothing wrong ever happened because I can take it all out on my targets. Good days are rare, but they feel good when they happen.

What are your good days and bad days like? Comment below.

Stay Strong.

0 CommentsLeave a comment

Millwordy in 2022

I will be going back to college, I will be working on millwordy, I will be releasing books and whatnot and now it is just something where I am trying to put it all together in a time frame that does not make me feel like crap. The more things that need to get done the more it is going to put my energy to the limits and moving forward.

Through workouts and taking vitamins and trying to eat better I have gotten some usage back, but there is still the part of my body where always want more but I think that may just be a personality defect, no matter how much I try it will always be something where I want to try to do more. So I may have a few more books coming out I guess and I am hoping I can release one next year. That would be a good plan.

One million words and so many plans and goals had been going now and it seems these next twelve months will seem to be important for the rest of my life and looking at that it makes me a little nervous. Failure here may be something where I cannot get back, but making this year work. To a new year of challenges and hopefully of goals being hit, and of hopefully life getting better despite the world trying to get worse.

Will explain more next week.

Stay Strong and Merry Christmas.

0 CommentsLeave a comment

Writing at Nyoom Speed

Writing, writing, writing. I have been writing a lot recently and it has added up to a few things that will be sold soon but right now we have to go over the little treats for you all. Two projects. One, a selection of fanfiction. I challenged myself to write and that can be picked up off of Gumroad, that is something you do not need to pay for, none of my Gumroad ones are. Just, if you do want to pay something I would appreciate it.

70k of words as short stories in 2k to 2.5k each about a character I have in the game, because I like the game, and that is enough for that right now. Share it, join me on twitch, (https://www.twitch.tv/mrbigtanderson) have a good time, but there is more that will be done in other things because you know I cannot rest for long periods of time. It just does not work well for me that way.

Also, after cost out it looks like I can sell each 4oz container by volume will be sold five dollars per but as one can see, there is a fair amount in each one and it will have flavors that will boost your food from the flat to the gold, but there is a video that is in the works. Five dollars per is at the high end of where I wanted it to be, and was within the range already in the stores. I still haven’t worked out the whole mail thing yet. Working on it, though, but it is a lot done in the month so far and we got a week and change to go.

We are going to get some stuff done, and hopefully have fun. It has been a rough road so far, but like everything you got to be more hard headed then your obstacles, and while I have had some low points, from the death of family members semi recently to issues with the body, it is still sweet to get a little progress. More is coming.

Stay Strong Everyone.

This is the face of nyoom. Speed unfiltered.

0 CommentsLeave a comment

It Stings In Blind Spots

As many of the writings have shown here, I ask a lot of questions, sometimes I get it wrong, sometimes right, but I do try. One thing I absolutely hate is zealotry for the sake of one’s side despite everything. That is different from believing it and realizing there are faults. In fact, it could be just as much as the difference between meaningful conversation and yelling at a wall.

Also, as much as I try to push myself to do better things. The past few days have been difficult because there have been many moments where I feel out of place.

It finally capped off with a conversation on Twitter about politics. While they were very passionate and we had issues with the other’s points, something was touched upon that made me think.

I have lived and around the Portland area for the better part of three decades. Politically it is not a flattering cross-section for any group. Those who backed the mayor failed in many metrics, including gun safety, homelessness, quality of life. They couldn’t stop the protests when they picked up and continued. This person was so adamant so passionate about their political beliefs being correct. While they were more open than most, they still were more emotionally wrapped in the issues.

Which made me think back to the concert. I have been so emotionally numb for fear that I don’t want something I may do or say to be used against me, especially against my goals. This is led me to think about why I am so guarded, and it came to me.

In my life, I have had my family betray me, my loved friends killed, my name besmirched, harassed by police, used as a poker chip, tossed away from a family that hated me. I have been shot at dozens of times, lit on fire on three separate occasions, countless sprains, concussions, bruises, torn tendons, pulled muscles, spasms, fibromyalgia, and that is just off the top of my head.

After all that, you get a bit jaded. I have found that in going day by day, I never really allowed myself to emotionally relax.

It stings when you know you still have growing to do, especially when you feel you made progress. Still, a mile is made of many steps, and hopefully, by the time I reach my goals, I can be a good enough person, at least to make this mudball a little better as well.

Stay strong.

0 CommentsLeave a comment

What to do When Bored

Boredom is something right now we are all dealing with and while you some people may think being homeless means you can get everything done with people, the thing is that is true, until you get tabbed. After that you will find people start moving away from you. Your best bet then would be how to pass the time without getting cabin fever for your tarp or tent, yes you can get it.

For a lot of people this pandemic is the most difficult moment of their lives because there is no social life here, there is not going to the Starbucks or Dunkin for a coffee. If you have a job, your hours are cut. If you are filing for unemployment you won’t get it yet, and if you are disabled you will find SSDI do everything in their power to shutdown people looking for it who may deserve it. All that even if it isn’t the worst moment in your life just in portion after portion of your life of getting shut out makes you wonder a lot of things.

No matter if it has been the worst or not you are in it now. Put your eyes on the target, and spend thought after thought to learn everything. You can take a look at the negative and make peace wit hit because no one goes to actively make their lives worse.

Currently we are in a time where some people are falling into some negative habits, using the windfalls instead of rent on other things, it is so bad it is a meme now. Despite rent being paused it is still needing to paid and while some can’t some are just taking advantage. It can be said that if the roles were reversed they would wish that people do their best and pay what they could. A little is fine to keep some things rolling because that is using a tool (money), but over doing it can make you look like a fool.

What would be some things you can do? Learn a new hobby, the amount of information available even with just a half decent phone is absurd. Now, if you want to learn the basics of a skill you can just tap it in somewhere and get a couple ideas or moves or thought exercises. Make yourself better because the time will go by and it is a place where you can get out miles ahead of where you started.

Stay strong and learn something new.

0 CommentsLeave a comment