self growth

2023 Goals

Something I hope to look back on and see a bunch of things crossed off, and if I remember it an easy and entertaining call back at the end of the year.

  1. Release something, now with projects going on what I have and if it may be under my name will be something different. As long as it came from me, under whatever name I use for different reasons I hope to release something like a book, program or something.
  2. I would like to live on my own. Currently I have been living with a roommate and have been doing it long enough, I need my space.
  3. Continue doing well in school, at this point I have had a problem in just one class and I am still on honor roll despite it.
  4. I would like for the blog to do better, although granted to define it as off the rails from original purposes is an understatement of the greatest caliber.
  5. Do a physical event again. Despite being disabled I feel I have been getting much better health wise especially over the last twelve months.
  6. Get my teeth fixed. Unfortunately why my body does not use some minerals despite ingesting them, like calcium is something we are still trying to figure out. Luckily we caught it before bones went fell osteoporosis.
  7. I want to do more on twitch, and been trying to push it further. Currently the goal is to get to 500 followers but I need to work on being more entertaining.
  8. I would like to travel to another country finally. I have never been to another country and there are a few places on my list. I would count something out of state or going to conventions again
  9. Start a successful business. Pretty simple as to why.
  10. Be happier then I was last year.

If I remember this I hope to go back and see how many of these got knocked off the list.

Stay Strong and Happy New Year

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It Stings In Blind Spots

As many of the writings have shown here, I ask a lot of questions, sometimes I get it wrong, sometimes right, but I do try. One thing I absolutely hate is zealotry for the sake of one’s side despite everything. That is different from believing it and realizing there are faults. In fact, it could be just as much as the difference between meaningful conversation and yelling at a wall.

Also, as much as I try to push myself to do better things. The past few days have been difficult because there have been many moments where I feel out of place.

It finally capped off with a conversation on Twitter about politics. While they were very passionate and we had issues with the other’s points, something was touched upon that made me think.

I have lived and around the Portland area for the better part of three decades. Politically it is not a flattering cross-section for any group. Those who backed the mayor failed in many metrics, including gun safety, homelessness, quality of life. They couldn’t stop the protests when they picked up and continued. This person was so adamant so passionate about their political beliefs being correct. While they were more open than most, they still were more emotionally wrapped in the issues.

Which made me think back to the concert. I have been so emotionally numb for fear that I don’t want something I may do or say to be used against me, especially against my goals. This is led me to think about why I am so guarded, and it came to me.

In my life, I have had my family betray me, my loved friends killed, my name besmirched, harassed by police, used as a poker chip, tossed away from a family that hated me. I have been shot at dozens of times, lit on fire on three separate occasions, countless sprains, concussions, bruises, torn tendons, pulled muscles, spasms, fibromyalgia, and that is just off the top of my head.

After all that, you get a bit jaded. I have found that in going day by day, I never really allowed myself to emotionally relax.

It stings when you know you still have growing to do, especially when you feel you made progress. Still, a mile is made of many steps, and hopefully, by the time I reach my goals, I can be a good enough person, at least to make this mudball a little better as well.

Stay strong.

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Learning the Rules of Business

I do not know how to do business.

I know how to make deals. Trading is within my wheelhouse just fine but I do not know how to take what I can do and start something new with it. Knowledge and skill just don’t fall in to the formula mentally for me to know that path.

Been listening to a few different podcasts and YouTube videos and he said a line that at least I think, taught me something important. Paul Heyman is, for those who do not know is a wrestling promoter and personality, that has done a fair amount in a lot of different places. Content, financing, and distribution are three things he deems the most important in reference to the business. He was on Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Ranch and it was just also a lesson in something else.

Until it happens, until the money is in your account, do not count on anyone honoring to their word, as he regaled those with how the pay-per-view company held more then two million dollars when they needed it and the company in charge of the ppv distribution thought it would be cheaper to handle it in court versus just paying them what had been earned from their contract.

Those three things if I can hammer out and make sure that I am not going from one paycheck to another should be a good set of things to start my future businesses. After that then the first things would be how to get money to invest into my business when for all intents and purposes I’m broke as a joke.

Always something to do. It seems no rest for the wicked, but I will stop here for now. Stay strong everyone.

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