spoonie

Of Spoons and Cards


Some may not know, but if you see someone online on Instagram, Twitter, or even in some of my own blog posts, you may see the word spoonie as a tag. The term was coined by another blogger. It was explained that each spoon represented the stores of energy that someone with a chronic condition or a condition that cannot be cured. So when you are out, you have to rest to replenish.
I never understood where spoons came out of, but I played enough cards that I used them for my understanding of it. It made more sense because you need to have cards to play trading card games. Something I have been in a lot of in my years. When you play those games, running out of cards in hand often is a death sentence to not having those pieces to work with in your hand. In fact, it made me want to think of a spoonie card game just so some people can understand what it is like.
Anytime someone can make others have fun and have it sit on a concept that can be then broken down when they want to. Sometimes we all need to look at some more serious things and can’t, but having a few laughs, it makes it that much more approachable. It is on the list of things that I need to work on but in my efforts to get everything done and be the renaissance villain trying to remake a crappy world into my own better ideas. I say that with the high-brow humor as is expected of me.

Yes this is a fart gif, nothing more evil then turning a car into a nightmare. Also nothing more hilarious.


Redbubble store is going slowly, and now it’s just working on the back end, like formatting and experimentation for the new and improved blends, which currently as the basic salt is now being infused before being mixed as is the sugars makes me think we will have the most luxurious all natural flavorings on the planet. It takes time to make the best, but I am using things no one else is using and know I am working and layering to do and books still need to be formatted. Overall it’s just more and more to do, but progress, as you see, is being made, so I cannot complain. Much.
Still trying to get everything in a body that seems to feel that it has more than just half a used battery, but I think progress is enough to at least keep me happy and move up the diet and exercise, so it would be a little more taxing, so I can get myself in better shape, it is showing some signs.
Finally, there was a moment where just everything kind of connected, and there was something that made sense. You just have that moment where things seem like they are being pulled together, and it finally dawns on you the reason for all the practice. It is a eureka moment that allows you to finally grasp how all of what you are aiming for is coming together, like a cipher where only you have the answer to the code and to make it seem so simple to understand, no matter how brutal the execution may be. It was a bit of a nice moment. Now there just is the nasty habit of execution because all the hopes mean little.
Also, my aunt has been sick since the last post. I gave her some of the rolled truffles made initially for work, she loves dark chocolate truffles, and so I had saved her and my uncle some.

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Tired. So Tired

I have a lot of projects currently almost done and there is always more to do, and soon it feels like there is never enough time in the day to figure it all out. Learning more about business and what is needed to make what is personally wanted without killing myself with taxes or other things. Just trying to do it in Oregon especially close to Portland is like trying to enter an ass kicking contest on one leg and then try to stay on said foot. It is much more difficult then it needs to be and the market is not something that makes it easier so with all that there is a need to figure out finances which luckily have been enough for me to get this far.

When everything hurts though there is a point I have learned where you get tested, when it feels like spikes going through your legs and your body can barely move but everything has a price of pain whether nerve or muscular or something and you need to write a paper and you miss a quiz and your workout hurt but the intel on the stores to start selling in places. Then you need to research things and then you have to watch a ninety minute thing for a project and wondering if a version can be found to watch at double speed, because, yes listen to all new or nonfiction videos on Youtube like that and no that will not change. If it isn’t music then it needs to be doing it faster. Funnily enough it does work for me and if a deeper watch is needed, then one can take a look over the few seconds and minutes until the deeper details are found, and often still get done before the video would do.

There will be moments when you are pushed to your limit and you will realize what those moments are. People can quit but when you try to to make it through it does something a lot different then if you quit and in some way that is more in line with my own bouts of work fueled madness that makes me happy to have them. In those moments people will be tested and through my experience it can be found to be thankful for that test because without it is a question if I will never make it to the points my goals sit if in those moments the choice chosen is not to continue but to quit.

Pardon for the odd emotional outpouring, anywho, eve though projects will be hitting points soon, there is still somethings to keep moving because one thing I have learned about myself is that there will never be a point where enough is enough, there are always more things to do and to learn and better yet, when those moments come where the finish line is reached for a major portion if not an entire project. Learning that you can do it because a loud over-bearing egotistical person could do it and you might as well is something that personally, I hope more people do.

Do you have any songs that you listen to when you kind of need to get in a good head space to cause some havoc on your tasks, get some major progress down, competition maybe? One of mine is the Godzilla theme because large lizards, and I like large lizards so simple reason but it works for me.

So, what is done since last time and last week was my birthday so no article. Hope you all had a good week. Got some writing done on a d/d campaign and did more work for the kickstarter thing to start, there is some character sheets done for a manga and beginning to work on some music so while this may be late at night currently there is six full books that need to be formatted because it sounds like doing the self publish is the better route right now. Overall things are moving, more progress should be coming.

Stay Strong.

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One and Two. What to do?

First, I have noticed you.

Believe it or not I do read at what posts are doing well and how people react and come to these things, and I see you like my rando recipes as well so when I get the issues with my new phone I will try to take some time and put a couple more on here because with the seasoning blends it is going to be done anyway and just things that are fun to make will be something where you can look. I did play around with the camera and it is something I feel I can work with. I may do a couple recipes with my seasoning blends as well but if you do not have it it will have the steps for a good meal nonetheless

As this is going out I am actually doing my first shift followed by a college class in many a year, and it did not work out last time. Last time this happened I was so drained, and this was before the nerve damage mind you, that I had passed out for three days after staying up a week straight so there are going to be problems, but we may be able to work our way through.

Second, and the meat of the matter. When things go bad, there is a lot of ear in the world, people in power seem to be in a race no matter what party they represent to the bottom of respectability, and during all this when things are bad I remember a line, one that made me do a lot of the stuff I have done. A line that has been instrumental in my own paperwork stepping in.

Why I train. Why I write. Why time after time to punch walls it seems with little improvement on a task. Why do I keep trying.

If you want something done right, you cannot blame state, country, family or circumstance. If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself. This does not mean not to take help, it means you cannot let anyone else drive to the goal because often times they will not have the investment to your goal that you do, and people will often disappoint with their decisions. It is why I have a certain line on my whiteboard. Good or bad, whatever life throws at me I have to work with it and if I can’t that is one me.

Sometimes, I have not been great at this, sometimes I have needed a hard lesson. Not saying I am good at it, I am stating I am trying though. Any who this one is going to be short, but if there are things you need to learn or keep in mind sometimes people will fail. That does not mean you are bad at it it means you are learning it and how it applies in different situations. Give yourself a break sometimes and do all you can to keep your eyes on the prize whether you are learning that through the great resignation or just through some things. The times be a changing and a lot of people are sitting on their rump so a lot of people need to get in the game, and as DJ Professor K said “

“The game is gonna start soon, and ya’ll gonna be making the plays.”

Things will get worse in some cases and it will be up to the individual to try and make things better and through the efforts of many individuals there is a chance.

Stay Strong and see you next time.

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It Stings In Blind Spots

As many of the writings have shown here, I ask a lot of questions, sometimes I get it wrong, sometimes right, but I do try. One thing I absolutely hate is zealotry for the sake of one’s side despite everything. That is different from believing it and realizing there are faults. In fact, it could be just as much as the difference between meaningful conversation and yelling at a wall.

Also, as much as I try to push myself to do better things. The past few days have been difficult because there have been many moments where I feel out of place.

It finally capped off with a conversation on Twitter about politics. While they were very passionate and we had issues with the other’s points, something was touched upon that made me think.

I have lived and around the Portland area for the better part of three decades. Politically it is not a flattering cross-section for any group. Those who backed the mayor failed in many metrics, including gun safety, homelessness, quality of life. They couldn’t stop the protests when they picked up and continued. This person was so adamant so passionate about their political beliefs being correct. While they were more open than most, they still were more emotionally wrapped in the issues.

Which made me think back to the concert. I have been so emotionally numb for fear that I don’t want something I may do or say to be used against me, especially against my goals. This is led me to think about why I am so guarded, and it came to me.

In my life, I have had my family betray me, my loved friends killed, my name besmirched, harassed by police, used as a poker chip, tossed away from a family that hated me. I have been shot at dozens of times, lit on fire on three separate occasions, countless sprains, concussions, bruises, torn tendons, pulled muscles, spasms, fibromyalgia, and that is just off the top of my head.

After all that, you get a bit jaded. I have found that in going day by day, I never really allowed myself to emotionally relax.

It stings when you know you still have growing to do, especially when you feel you made progress. Still, a mile is made of many steps, and hopefully, by the time I reach my goals, I can be a good enough person, at least to make this mudball a little better as well.

Stay strong.

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