Panic Attacks and Amazons

People have bad days, sometimes they have days where you wonder why you got to a certain point and how they can do so without having at least a big migraine or you have a panic attack. Everything gets to the point where you just want to survive while doing something. This past week was sort of that to me. Roommate was spiraling, people did not want to do their job because they never had to, other people were getting pushed, and no one seems to be reading the rules and laws to which a modicum of civilized culture is maintained.

Overall not a fun time. Sometimes you need to get through the challenging moments. Now, some may be surprised to know I do get panic attacks. It happens when I feel things are slipping past me and are essential to me, like when I miss a point on a quiz or a test. I get into this feedback loop of my own self-depreciation, just going over how that point was the most important.

Now, one can pass a class when you miss one point. It is a rarity when that is not the case. Still, we need to remember when you are in a panic attack that, you are in a place where survival instinct is in one area, and your normal activities are in another. You are held between the two, where things feel both fast and slow to the point where you feel out of place, even if you are sitting down. The thing is that no matter what happens during your bad days, you just need to get by. You need to make it and finish whatever you are. Afterward, you are just sitting in a funk of hatred and wondering where you failed and how you go on but what happens when things are not going as you need them to go.

I am so happy for those who never have it because a panic attack is a royal kick to the head. Not fun to the degree that I would rather wrestle an amazon practicing leg scissors than do it again. It is a great pain, and I think suits did a great job showing it.

Particularly the last couple of minutes, but sometimes you just have to get through the bad times because, with enough practice and enough work, the good times will outnumber the bad.

Hope you have a good time, and stay strong.

Bad Days and Good Days

Bad days always make me grit my teeth as it seems they happen more and more. But, when your body seems to be falling shorter every day, there will always be good days and wrong and how you feel from one to the other.

When it is a bad day, it seems you are always a step back, on the back foot, and nothing can be done except getting as much done as you can and sleeping at the first opportunity. You can do a lot these days, and it just stinks sometimes. Pain is something that will always be there, and you could feel out of gas before you get out of the front door. Nothing feels worse than feeling less than your best, and things seem like you could do it, but you are not all there.

The day goes on, and you grind out what can be done, and all it leaves you is more tired with little done but a lot of trying. Nothing makes you feel so weak when your body feels like it is betraying you despite the best of your intentions until you finally fall over swearing at whatever gods are listening that you have to deal with such suffering, all for the sake of growing migraines. On top of all that, anything sticking in your craw when it comes to social relationships.

Bad days are like trying to stand up, and it isn’t the world against you. It is your body actively trying to fight your efforts, and it feels like gears grinding against gears. There is no workflow. There is no energy, and everything you try to push up only gets you to from waking up to going back to sleep without enough to make you happy in your days.

Now, if you could not guess, I am not very happy most days. If I did a hundred squats, I would want double. If I could lift a quarter ton, I want to lift half. If I have ten hours of energy, then I want fourteen.

However, when a good day comes, it feels different. For me, it is standing in a storm with winds whipping about around just an area for two parties to handle their differences in as physical a manner as they see fit. Just the winds blow, and the rains fall, and there is a crack of lightning and thunder, and it just feels like it is correct. Look across the area, and it is whatever is in your way, and all you have is the time and the moment to handle your business, and know that one of you will be left standing.

That is a good day that no matter me walking with a cane, I can take a breath and smell the lightning and feel the tremors and lock on target. It is just running and having a moment where it feels like that makes me dangerous. It makes me feel just for a moment like nothing wrong ever happened because I can take it all out on my targets. Good days are rare, but they feel good when they happen.

What are your good days and bad days like? Comment below.

Stay Strong.