What Do You Fear

People who know me will think that I am just crazy enough to seem fearless. Some people have even given me the nickname of “cyborg” because of work ethic and being calm under pressure when things count. I don’t fear things like killers or werewolves or fights. If I go down that way then I hope it is for a good reason. The world does not inspire the deep life long fear that these two things, and both stem from my past which can seem strange in just a moment though it will be explained.

First comes with a touch of backstory. A long time ago when I was still in school someone very dear to me died in a horrifying manner with me unable to help in time all i could do was hear it. Despite all of my efforts trying to change that event those who knew me before and after would describe the later one as heartless. Their were things I did that edged on the sides of brutality. What was in my way would soon be out of it with the least amount of mercy given. No quarter given for a while and some of my proudest moments came because of that no mercy style. That person that I used to be could get what I want done in a faster time, but that person had no hope for humanity he looked at them as a tool that could then be tossed at the end.

After that is the fear that I will not become who I know I can be. I need to do more, push harder, and learn faster because styaing in one place is stagnation. Stagnation is a death knell to a set of skills because if even a portion does not evolve then it will rot. The world can be so much better, and to do it in her memory I will need to put the faith in the good in humanity. Sometimes I need to convince myself somedays because that person meant so much to me that in her memory her dream will be completed through my own dream.

I wasn’t the best person to pick up her dream but in reverence when I am done the world will be a better place. To do that I will need capital so my plan of being a businessman could still yield the connections built over time. I fear going back because I need to be constantly improving in something. The odds are high that the changes may not be so big, that my business will fall, but for her it needs to at least try.

Those are the things which I guess boils down to I will not be able to grow any further and not complete any good change. The other is I get the resources needed, but it turns me in to someone without the moral compass I have now. Those are my fears, what are yours.

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Perfection and Impossible

One of my past coworkers is one of those people who is bright eyed and bushy tailed at least while at work. He would work from this desk with different pictures and sayings about driving one’s self trying to achieve perfection. We both had over our time at work found out we had a lot of goals that aligned and even just where we want to be in a few years were fairly similar, but the one thing we could never agree on was the subject of perfection.

If you like anime there is a show called Bleach where the main force is a group called the Gotei 13. It is a military group based on thirteen different squads each headed by a Captain who acts as both a leader of their own group while reporting to the captain of the first squad who also holds the title of Captain – Commander. One of these captains goes by the name of Mayuri Kurotsuchi. He was in a battle with a scientist from an opposing group who was very skilled at disabling opponents and after talking on the point of their shared interest in science they came to the point of perfection after the captain’s opponent claimed how he was the perfect scientist. Mayuri then ranted on the subject of perfection that I really had to agree on.

Here is a picture with the speech on it .

Perfection is the bane of imagination because after perfection there is nothing left. It is a condition of hopelessness when something is perfect. It does not mean you cannot strive to surpass yourself you can still try to improve, just be aware you will never be perfect.

When it comes to speaking I use impossible as many do perfect as one cannot know the odds about everything the argument can be fought how impossible is only limited by imagination and time. Impossible really can not be truly meant until you put against another abstract ideal.

Striving for better throughout your life was the only thing we could agree on whether the end we found to be abstract or within reach. The detail areound being perfect was just something that we both agreed to disagree.

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Shattered Reflections – Excerpt

Every week there was a semester being made up and over my year there at CALC my challenge was never lost. Testing was monotanous to a degree, but it was something I excelled in so it worked.While I was trying to salvage my grades there had been some who wanted to beat their chest before fighting for various reasons. To save space all of them will be here as there was not a grand fight among them.

One pair of gang banger wannabes were grabbing at a girl at lunch one day. She had come to talk to me to get them to stop. After trying once talking like human beings she had come out saying  and it ended with Harper kicking one in the skull while I tackled the other in the doorframe hard enough to break the doorframe.

Invented an armbar waltz when another male student tried to push a smaller female teacher around. The armbar waltz was just holding the standing armbar while I would negotiate him around spinning this way and that just to anger them and if I ever needed I could resort in to a hammerlock transition or give up the arm to take the leg.

One of the baby daddies thought he could sleap his girl around which is the theme of this place. Not a gang banger wannabe though he was a goth metal deadhead who got floored by a nut kick/ facejam combination then proceded to maon how that was fighting against the rules.

I did not understand such behaviors so Harper had to explain to me after another such incidents why people did such things. Supposedly it is because they think the girls are cute or they have some relationship with them, but I had to think that it would be much easier if they were treated like people first. Relationships were never a strong suit of mine. Thinking about such thing as the meaning of beauty or the understanding of the common students when I was choking someone out or grappling with them. No one got serious enough that a couple hits couldn’t stop. Put enough people on their head and eventually the message will sink in at least until the headache subsides.

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Not the right one

So recently I did an update of my bleesed bath salts and I have actually had some meetings with investors for small sums just to see if I can get some things going a little quicker. Brought my business plan to them, the numbers of possible sales, other companies in the field, profit margins, creation, possible advertising possibilities.I thought it was going well we had a good long discussion and what felt like suddenly to me was them saying thy like the plan. They like what it could build to and they think it can be done. They just believe that I am not the person for it, and due to that they would not invest.

I thanked them for the time, but inside I was boiling. I wasn’t the right guy. It rang in my head over and over. Until after that night I was up because it just made me mad. I wasn’t depressed at the time I thought I could pull it off. Now, for those who don’t know I do have bouts of depression where that feeling does come up and I do second guess myself.

It didn’t happen here. I couldn’t feel bad for myself. I am sure that it wil swing that way later but I made it through before and I will again. Dismissing someone as not good enough though made me wonder something for the future of my own businesses.

People nowadays go through life at speeds that taking in all the details, the little nuances of characters can be lost. It is after all through small nuances that different things can be found, tried, and applied and checked against the status quo to see what works best.

The possibility of a nuanced indidividual not being what people expect for a certain position and still have the skills made me think that workforce issues really boils down more to a workplace issue as well.

I really need to stop thinking of such things when people yell at me about how big their deposit is at work.

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What is beauty?

I have heard a lot of people talk about how they are pretty or are not. Their are a pair of brides to be that have been not feeling beautiful often trying to get themselves to lose weight to fit better in their dresses.

Being as I had no earthly idea of marriage, and they were more experienced as well as a reputation established for questioning previously established.I asked one why they would need to feel beautiful if by at this point the people who love you for your beauty is who you will be married to.

My first response back was how “that is such a guy answer!” Surprise, I thought I was turning in to Robo from Chrono Trigger. That’s this handsome creature below.

So as to be human one of the things you need to have is a gender one would think it is clear that upon giving such a supposed male answer that everything is ok? Right? Wrong. Although more then a few doctors have said I need to get my oil changed so maybe they know something I don’t.

What if though we can only percieve beauty in so many ways though clouded by things like our own wishes and desires. What if everyone does have their own beauty like a lock only for those who understand its value becoming the key would one dictate that someone is without such a thing when everyone seems to have a basis of it and hence some form of it?

Would it be closer to correct saying that oned id not understand some others model of beauty?

This is the stuff I think about when people yell about their deposit at work.

 

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Blessed Bath Salts – Business Update

So the business is very slowly beginning to roll. Not only do I write I try to push myself to do more everyday and after hearing some friends of mine not able to get higher quality products that can be safe if their kids get their hands on it I decided to take some time and make a bath salt that even if the little ones were to get their hands in it they need a cup of water more then a posion ward.

That’s not all because since then i had tested multiple times how to get the best item made. I have a touch of ocd and it only shows it sometimes. This last batch though is one though I can be proud of because it was just one of those things that you got done and felt it was right. The plan includes branching out to other products and making it more easily accessable instead of a thirty dollar container or a twenty dollar container for 5-6 oz its going to be roughly about 5 dollars for a portion good for one bath.

We use herbs often used in tea, extracts, fruits and alcohols before instilling this mix in to our salts. Right now we only sell per bathc because we dont want to be one company that cant fufill orders.

It is very satisfying to report though that there is already interest in spas and small salon groups to start carrying these items. When you are wanting good products at competitive prices then there should be people out there who wish to use it. Pictures will be coming soon but it is good to report on this project that their will be more incoming. With three formulas of the bath salts done their will be more products down the line

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Writing Contest – 1 down

I am also doing writing contests. One of which that I had found was interesting. You had to write a life lesson you have learned with fifteen hundred words or less. It does not cost anything to enter this contest.

Recently, I took some time to get in to the spirit of the contest. What would I want to tell myself from an earlier age. What my life lesson was may seem a bit strange, but I have a fair amount of words to explain it and so it can be surmised just as.

Learn to fight.

Now, fight in this case is specifically the definition of concentrating your efforts towards something. I have been in enough fights of the other variety for a lifetime and really throughout my life if I didn’t go through those moments then I would have never get the grasp of this one. Violence is in all honesty something that is almost tiring even if it was for the best reasons. My body looks like a roadmap of scars sometimes, and considering how little I went to the hospital. Well, there is going to be a price to pay on that.

Learning to concentrate one’s efforts does not mean going out to pick fistfights with everyone that passes by. You can fight in ways when it comes in refrence to a skill or competition. Fighting for a goal is what some people should really work on more, myself included.

I recently just got the writing portion on it done which sounds easy at fifteen hundred words or less working with that size you can’t mince words. When it’s time to put everything in I hope I do well.

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Vent piece

So in trying to make this wordpress thing show what I want to it to show I may have sent a post twice. Sorry about that, if anyone was wondering why then it was just user error on my part most likely. Something got my attention and if you have been reading the news then maybe you already know where I am going with this.

Orlando. Never been there, and personally too humid for me. People who do live there had a horrible event unfold in their own backyard. A shooting of a nature undescribable by many against a crowd that just wanted to have a fun night. Someone had gone in to a club popular to many, and shot it up.

I felt mad, and I never been to Orlando. Personally I am not someone who believes in a homosexual lifestyle. I never got it. There are some things that everyone can understand though. If someone is happy in a lifestyle that does not outright hurt them or others then who am I to say they can’t. It is pretty hard to be happy in this life it seemes so if some people can do it by going a different route then groovy. Friends of mine as come out as gay, and it did not matter one bit, heroes of mine came out of the closet and it didn’t change one bit. I learned something new about them, but that didn’t change them.

Which is why Orlando gets to me not just for how much pain it has brought upon others. Some people think that because it was a lgbt club supposedly then it was okay. I don’t care what kind of a club it is. Someone killed people’s sons, daughters, best friends, squadmates, and a portion of the population believes because of one detail in their life that it is okay.

I came from a a life that some would seem as none too friendly. I have had had been shot at more then three dozen times without being a soldier or a police officer or even working in a job that makes you get close to guns. If there was a problem with someone you went to them and you hashed it out. sometimes with words and other times in more physical means. You fought it out and whoever walked away was the victor.

Now with some saying those people deserved it there are some calling for action against Muslims  in America. For those who read my post about the black lives matter thing you can guess where this is going. WE. ALL. MATTER. Some in different ways then others  with some being different value to others. It is not an Islamic attack it is an extremist group with no other way to speak except with guns and that is the saddest show of their intelligence. Life has been too bloody for my taste, and now others who never learned how to handle it get thrust head first in the grief just because of someone’s preferred fuckbuddies.

I am so angry though, not because of just the action but for the responses I see. Other then those trying to help or those sorry for what happeneed they seem to be matched with how some group should be punished.

Muslims are not to be punished. The qu’ran speaks how taking one life is like killing mankind and how one should compete in doing good. Christians who think because it was wrong to be gay that they should be shot can answer me this, what about the portions about treating others as brothers, loving happily, and allowing others to learn their own way with their own interpretation of a spiratual being.

LGBTQ are not to be punished. I will not be mad at someone just because they like a different something then me. If you like vanilla ice cream, and I like strawberry then enjoy your vanilla and let me have my strawberry. It sounds really silly when people get hurt, but that is really the argument boiled down to base function at least to me.

For me from this point, sorry about the rant.

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Drinking time

After a long day working, writing, working on business plans and just overall tiring myself out I like to have an adult beverage. My roommate tends to join me in such ventures and I thought I should share what we have going in the cups when we try to change the world from our little apartment.

Kraken’s Revenge:

2 shots Kraken rum, 1 shot Triple Sec, 1 scoop vanilla bean ice cream, top with the root bear of your choice.

Comrade Kraken:

2 shots Kraken, 1 shot Triple Sec, a half cup of root beer before topping off with heavy cream.

Redneck Margarita

2 shots Patron Orange, half a capful of cream de menthe, a cup of Mountain Dew and top off with ginger ale .

It should alwys be said to drink responsibly. It is never fun when you get hung over. I have more coming this week but let’s get some fun going before we get to the meat of the matter for the week.I just thought that as goofy as it is to try these out if you have the time.

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Not the most tech savvy – Update

So I do not know if this is WordPress or Windows updating but the theme on my blog does not come through on my screen. While I am working on that there are few other things that are getting some steam rolling and although each one doesn’t deserve its own post yet it is still enough for an all round update.

I am still learning the ins and outs of this wordpress deal. I don’t think I will ever stop learning, but if anyone else is having little problems with their blog then let me know. Did you get it fixed? Was it something that just took time to handle?

Anyway, on the books the editing has begun. Slow going just on the fact that I get an hour in here and there after work.

The card game has been paused for a moment because for the ones where rough sketches are needed it just does not feel right whenever one is atrempted.

Business wise there will be some small sales of the bath salts and a couple other products. Packaging is being a little difficult, and after looking some different designs there may be more on that coming.

Got ten writing contests  of which that I either have writing projects that already work for entry or create from scratch. The first one is a life lesson in 1500 words or less and mine will be to “learn to fight”.

Gotten some advertising for different projects coming up, but as Jim Carrey said ” Can’t make the scene if you don’t have the green.”

Otherwise it may be slow but it is gonna go and I hope you all have a good week. .

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