Handicapped and Homeless- Prepare for Hard Mode

Warning this goes over some graphic moments, I warned you.

Hope everyone enjoyed the holiday.  My neck had been really acting up and trying to give it some time to rest I decided to lay down all memorial day and it got me to thinking. After applying some Bengay just to get me to not notice the pain and after a look through of my articles I realized there wasn’t anything just what was the difference between healthy and handicapped while homeless.

Short version of that is just life is harder, there are no major benefits or charities at least in my area targeting handicapped homeless. That means a lot of them have to get the jump on everything versus other homeless that are physically healthy. For your information my body has nerve damage throughout resulting in about half my nerve function to be gone and resorting for me to walk with a cane. It didn’t matter when I tried to get help. Everyone had some one else they would rather help out more.

Dental, if you could get on state insurance and manage it, well you have clinics deny you as the Virginia Garcia Clinic in Cornelius denied me because they needed to take…

“Women, mothers and family are allowed to come in as customers at this time, unfortunately we are not taking any men.”

When my teeth broke, for various reasons, that meant I had to pull pieces out and the only way that could be done was the pair of pliers on my multi tool.

ozrk trail

This is the model of mine, an ozark trail multi tool, could be better but as served me well.

Trying to get help for housing I had gone to one charity that during my meeting I had passed out and had to be removed via ambulance. Keeping their eye on the ball they preceded to leave the paperwork on a desk for two weeks before sending it back and saying after they had stamped it, that I had never done it specifically that I could not be verified and needed a letter fro ma vocational rehab counselor. That letter was the first page of what was sent back You know it is bad when even a Vocational Rehab counselor was calling it bullshit when she is trying to be the calm presence.

Disability, something that is supposed to be there for people who meet the requirements had been so stymied in the area that the first meeting with a full breakdown from a neurologist at a specializing hospital, and a head of ER backed with other nurses, counselors, and another federal board looked at it saying clearly disabled. Meanwhile, SSDI ruling came for me last time and said I could go in to production. This is despite passing out at times, low blood pressure, can’t feel most of your fingers and some days different pieces of your body feeling like its tazed or on fire.

I have heard this from thousands of others and the disability I asked Senator Ron Wyden and he did not have an answer. People afterwards shook my hand and thanked me for those who had issues and who died waiting. The senator had no answer, but we did get a picture together, and if you check my instagram, you will find it, lost some fat since then bulked up a little, less facial hair, but it is still me.

When you are handicapped and homeless prepare to fight against the world. Work to show them of what a homeless person can do. Through the process you will find your mettle as well as your ability to continue.

Moving Forward

It has been a while. Sorry about that, I wanted to really do more typing, but I did a lot of writing.

Some of my practice with the camera.

I am no longer homeless, I signed a lease for a year as of the third week of November, and resigned it last month. Despite the current situation, I still work for about half my normal hours. Three days a week I work four hours a day for a transit service as a reservationist. After getting my Twitch and Blog up to scratch it sounded like a good as time as any to start working on all this typing.

This blog is going to be pretty homeless centric because of where I have been in my life, but there will be other things on here every so often just to break up the seasoning until I have no more to say on the matter. I don’t think it will be for a little bit, just saying because for the most part I feel there is a lot to be said because for what a lot of people who have never been it is a whole new world.

Part of this blog is also to show hope though, it is to show one can change and one can grow so various other things are just here to show that despite what you are now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you go for it. There is still a lot that can be done with just a hard head and the will to move forward.


What Do You Fear

People who know me will think that I am just crazy enough to seem fearless. Some people have even given me the nickname of “cyborg” because of work ethic and being calm under pressure when things count. I don’t fear things like killers or werewolves or fights. If I go down that way then I hope it is for a good reason. The world does not inspire the deep life long fear that these two things, and both stem from my past which can seem strange in just a moment though it will be explained.

First comes with a touch of backstory. A long time ago when I was still in school someone very dear to me died in a horrifying manner with me unable to help in time all i could do was hear it. Despite all of my efforts trying to change that event those who knew me before and after would describe the later one as heartless. Their were things I did that edged on the sides of brutality. What was in my way would soon be out of it with the least amount of mercy given. No quarter given for a while and some of my proudest moments came because of that no mercy style. That person that I used to be could get what I want done in a faster time, but that person had no hope for humanity he looked at them as a tool that could then be tossed at the end.

After that is the fear that I will not become who I know I can be. I need to do more, push harder, and learn faster because styaing in one place is stagnation. Stagnation is a death knell to a set of skills because if even a portion does not evolve then it will rot. The world can be so much better, and to do it in her memory I will need to put the faith in the good in humanity. Sometimes I need to convince myself somedays because that person meant so much to me that in her memory her dream will be completed through my own dream.

I wasn’t the best person to pick up her dream but in reverence when I am done the world will be a better place. To do that I will need capital so my plan of being a businessman could still yield the connections built over time. I fear going back because I need to be constantly improving in something. The odds are high that the changes may not be so big, that my business will fall, but for her it needs to at least try.

Those are the things which I guess boils down to I will not be able to grow any further and not complete any good change. The other is I get the resources needed, but it turns me in to someone without the moral compass I have now. Those are my fears, what are yours.

Rant: People can do it

Something has been bothering me for a while. Longer then people not wanting to think sometimes or how some people can have the intelligence of a sentient can of spam.

There is so much ability out there that people are so afraid to use. whether they think they will fail or they do not deserve a chance or what have you. I know what I can do I try not to brag about it sometimes while still providing insightful blog posts and that has been a learning process. But this is not about me.

I know people who can be so much. Who have a great amount of ability, but for one reason or another it gets in their head that they cannot do it despite events pointing to otherwise.

I won’t use names for the sake of the people.

A girl who I had gone to school with wanted to translate and be a voice actress for anime. She studied Japanese for years and went to college in Japanese language to ease her way in to it. She tries to break in to voice acting, but suddenly she stops because their is this small group of friends who say that she can’t make it and she should quit to save the pain. On top of this she feels horrible because she has always been short and she can’t see how awesome she is when she defends herself. Because no one but me believed in her though she didn’t even feel pretty. I did what I could to argue otherwise.but numbers won and know she pushes paper for a state.

Someone else who feels horrible and can be a great writer but cuts herself short so much it makes go mad. She has the ability to write something wonderful. It is there as clear as the light of the new day. She downs herself so much though I almost want to shake her and get the point across that she could do it. She can be as lovely a writer and as a human being as she dreams about. I talk to her when I can and I want to hear how she did something she wanted to. She is pretty in her own way she can do what she sets her mind to.

A male friend who wanted to work on his own business something, but because his family said he couldn’t he stopped. Despite business plans and a litany of reports saying that it would be a good chance to take that their was enough there to make it work and for him to have his dream the faith of his family. They say no and suddenly he loses all self assurance.

Three people on top of so many others who have the skill, but just can’t get themselves to believe for a single moment. I understand that we do not live in a meritocracy, but can anyone tell me why people give up when they still want to do something so passionately but can still be dissuaded when everything remotely scientific points to the possibility of success.

More people can make it to their dreams

3 months in goal check.

So I say the word dreams so much it is kinda funny. However, it is a concept I do believe in. So as one cannot preach without practicing it. Here is how things are looking after three months.

Cookbook – Pictures still going

Cooking blog – Practicing recipes on this blog

Mtg Grand Prix – Training

Get more social – All this noise

Youtube channel – Eleven videos and counting

Work on my inventions : All my progress has been transcribed and running in a journal. Slowed due to fundage

Zazzle : Logic that’s why is the most popular shirt and I am getting a small trickle of sales ( A couple here and there) Currently working on a batch of final fantasy designs.

Back burner:

Recording – Need better equipment

Pro wrestling training – Saving for it

Writing for funds – Learning that aspect

Draw more – Working slowly on it

L.o.l team – Still one short but we are still practicing 😀

As you can see there is a lot I am trying for. Gotta go big when your on your last life.

With that in mind how are you doing with your dreams since the beginning of the new year? I hope you all ( I am legit surprised to see that between just on the wordpress page. I have close to 200 subscribers Thanks for everything so far and if we can hit 250 I am going to do my best to come up with a couple really good.

Some of the hardest people to cook for

 In a kitchen there are two major problems. One is you find out that you have a table of food critics and the other is you have a table of true cooks. Not those that announce that they have been cooks for years because often times those that do that in a restaurant are about as good in a kitchen as a critic. I am talking the old school been there thirty years and have forgotten more about food then most people know.

One can utter a word based out of stupidity and the business dies the other can tell exactly what you are doing by the plate. So you have to be on your “A” game because your little tricks will be on full display to them.

What is surprising is critics often have no culinary experience to draw from and that is the norm. You want the best food then you go ask a cook. This article may seem a bit harsh, but I do agree with the point.


Food critics to be food critics are just not that good you can either go to sites where you can get a wider range of experiences or you can just ask a cook where he would go to get some good grub. If in a city a cook is impressed enough to respect the food he is given then that is the highest show of respect.

What is sad is that it is a very rare moment where a food critic that gets respected in the writing circles has actual kitchen experience. The same is true for health inspectors. Often times you do not need any experience to become one. You could see though how past experience in a kitchen would help when you need to grade it because if you know all the tricks then you know where to look.

Cooks can really be useful in a lot of different aspects if you think hard enough, but that is true in nearly any job.