Moving Forward

It has been a while. Sorry about that, I wanted to really do more typing, but I did a lot of writing.

Some of my practice with the camera.

I am no longer homeless, I signed a lease for a year as of the third week of November, and resigned it last month. Despite the current situation, I still work for about half my normal hours. Three days a week I work four hours a day for a transit service as a reservationist. After getting my Twitch and Blog up to scratch it sounded like a good as time as any to start working on all this typing.

This blog is going to be pretty homeless centric because of where I have been in my life, but there will be other things on here every so often just to break up the seasoning until I have no more to say on the matter. I don’t think it will be for a little bit, just saying because for the most part I feel there is a lot to be said because for what a lot of people who have never been it is a whole new world.

Part of this blog is also to show hope though, it is to show one can change and one can grow so various other things are just here to show that despite what you are now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you go for it. There is still a lot that can be done with just a hard head and the will to move forward.

 

Existential Nightmare

Since being hamstrung with all these medical issues, there has been a bit of a trap waiting for me. What has seemed like a little bit of reflection could very easily be turned to wondering something that a lot of us have a problem with grasping.

“Why am I here?”

These thoughts are often never fun stemming from negative experiences, or at least a negative mind frame, and when you are not feeling too good in your own head then you have to work almost ten times as hard. Even if it was something that you normally used to do.Once you lose the faith in yourself and wonder about your own meaning everything suddenly becomes almost impossible just as you explain to yourself that there is no reason to do it sapping all passion or skill you had for such things until all you can do is sit there and think about you own impending death.

Pretty depressing when you have to deal with it, but if you can get yourself through it then you can come out of it a lot more focused. I have three really big targets and a bunch of smaller ones which has been on here at various times. Bigger ones are pretty easy to guess, but it boils down to games, the company, and doing well for people.

Changing how I do everything due to the medical problems just make it harder, but not impossible. I just have to figure out another way to do it that maybe before I wouldn’t have thought, and it may seem so scary for others. I was terrified, and still am. Not being able to reach levels that were once easy just bothers me in that special way that headbutting walls seems therapeutic, not that it is possible.

So, thinking on the floor, wondering where life and I had our differences there was a memory that came back over and over.I think it reminded me of something I forgot so long ago and we shall see if there is a difference