life

Scary Decisions To Make

Fear is an odd thing, it comes when you never expect it and when you do expect it it never goes the way you think. When you get close to a big goal where it is within your reach.

Life has not been the kindest to me, but there was one memory, her memory that wanted Portland to be a better place. That goal has been the reason for me to get up every day, the reason to patch myself up, to learn and go to college the way I have instead just focusing on me. Now I sit on the precipice of a decision that will win or lose change my life, and for the first time in years I was scared.

This reason to go on, this goal, could be accomplished if I win one more time. I will have the road to make this city better and I think I can do it. Then a hand feels like its squeezing your heart and panic starts to rise, and you hear your own breathing a little too well, and suddenly you feel like you don’t know if you are hunt or hunted, target or tracker.

Honestly, it feels strange. When you spend so much time with a reason being why you push yourself and suddenly you have a chance, a moment where you can step forward and try to get it, knowing if you win that you have done it, or you may lose. Finality brings the fear, a chance of maybe you aren’t that good, you can or can’t. When the reason you made it through hard times was for a mission and you can finish it something happens with who you are.

A decision here one way or another will change my life.  I may lose. I may be made a fool. I may be the lowest scoring person to ever try.

However, I have to try.

More Coming.

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Pet Peeves – Wasting Time in Politics

I do not like wasting time, it is one of those things that just drives at me because no matter what is done that time cannot be gotten back.

Seeing people from the state government try to prop Portland as some no problem paradise just pisses me off. We have crime problems, we have job problems, we have money problems and the most people want to talk about it is saying if you talk bad about Portland you are an evil MAGA.

I am a registered democrat and there are others who see this and look at the lies over the years and for those thinking Antifa is getting cleaner, they did this in 2020 with their free milkshakes and walk with families, they then poisoned a milkshake and turned it into a chemical weapon against Andy Ngo. How do I know?

I was at those protests five years ago, hell, you scour the video you will find me in a white and blue jacket. I was there and have seen the down fall and the same people who say there are no problems are now trying to show nothing is wrong when everything in their paperwork says otherwise. I have seen them try to barricade front doors since 23, the bags of rocks or the hap hazard stacks of bricks during the 2020 riots, the fireworks and items thrown at police, the hiding behind mothers who believed with them. The only thing I say what was wrong was this was something I tried to understand, I tried talking to them, and everything they said was utter trash.

Portland state had their library trashed causing more than a million dollars’ worth of damage in  a series of years where they had their budget shrink and had to make those cuts during more years of budgets shrinking. It is a lot harder to cut a shrinking budget then a growing one. We cannot as a school,(Portland state) as a city (Portland) or as a state (Oregon) be so foolish that we simply not look at out problems, and seeing that so many people want to brush them under the rug is absolutely infuriating because it means that all the good done is essentially wasted.

No program can last without funding, and no funds can be collected without people with jobs, and those jobs do not exist without businesses. Also these failed fact checks like the Oregonian is just a show of stupidity they claim no explosives have ever been used meanwhile there are videos in 2020 and 2021 of explosives being used. Hell, I saw them from a park trying to figure out why people would do this in the city.

I would have no problem if it had some point, but after five years of this, it clearly does not have one, it has been a waste of time and money for everyone in the city and the worst part is it does not even help their own case.

Gaslighting and picking the best times to show video just as a gotcha is the equivalent of someone hiding a broken plate behind their back because they know if caught it will mean they will be punished. Honestly I think we just need a better level of politician not more one way liberal or conservative, just more honest about the situation…

Maybe I need to think about doing something about it.

Stay strong.

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Personal Update (Not Falling in a Black Hole)

You know I have an absolutely atrocious sleep schedule, I do not think I have slept 8 hours straight since the Clinton administration. I have talked over problems of the city and what could be fixed in it this time I just want to talk.

In the next sixty days I will be in three separate competitions, now I won’t go in depth for what I am doing but being in three competitions, alone, is kind of a problem to me because for two of them I should be on teams. Now, is that going to stop me? No. I tried to get teams and no one wanted to try it thinking there were other things to do, they didn’t feel it aligned with their majors or just thought it was not a good idea.

Now, for some that could be the end of it but this is something that may help me later and so I am going to step in with schools with teams incredibly more qualified and like I normally do take my best shot at it and who knows. Sometimes dark horses run sometimes.

Outside of this there is a lot going on and sometimes everything just feels like it is getting away from me in a form or another. Sometimes I do not even know why I try to do so much, but I have learned the level generally I do this with and how the next couple months I am pushing myself past that point for the sake of stretching my capabilities.

My health has gotten better in places, now we are doing enough I am losing weight slowly but naturally and my muscle is more coming in. Blood pressure is low at times but I have something now to help me with that, and something in case it goes too far. It sounds weird for those who see me to think I have low blood pressure, but it is true.

A joke I heard from a friend was that I had to be part shark (like Great White or Hammerhead as those sharks are the kind that need to if memory serves.) because otherwise I would just die, and the need to try and do definitely feels like that. Generally, I try to do one piece of advice so y’all can learn from my stupidity.

Just take care of your neck, I injured mine many times and I pay for it so take care of yourself. Don’t want to take your health from the present and pay for it in the future.

I did make a few things for different foods spices, but I need some more products that people want so I am working on that, in the free moments.

Writing novels have been fun, I may try to get published in the old-fashioned way and see what comes of it. Who knows, I don’t.

Until next time

Stay Sharky

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An Outlaw Returns

It has been a little bit of time. Working on some civic projects, and trying to get more people involved in civics if not politics. Sometimes all you need is the first one.

I am not happy with how people have gone more to the left in the city of Portland there is a group of people clamoring for blood based on things that not one person cannot prove with bending themselves into a knot in some moral purity test. There is a problem here that these people do not understand they are making, because for all the wishes of violence for all they claim how the left has never had violence on anything, there are those who had seen it and lived through it.

Being homeless it was never the proud boys that beat up the homeless or stole their stuff, it was antifa. It was not the republicans who thought me to be a stereotype but it had been the leftists time and again. All of this had been personal experience but had also been the experience of those who been in my position as well. Moderates had been nice, but for those who had this idea of leftists or nothing, the ones that make politics their religion are angry when others have a different moral code.

What worries me about these people on the hard left claiming they want blood think they have the unspoken majority when nothing in the world says it. It is not even something that any poll has even spoken and on the left I do not see that. For the city of Portland I am worried about this wanting to pick a fight because I cannot see anyway that this idea of social justice will be able to stand if they demean everyone who does not believe in the same thing they do.

There will be more posts coming soon as the summer and the pasty ear has been exciting. And a lot of progress has been done but it has been something where working through the bureaucracy has been painful at time but it has been something that allowed things to change in smaller ways thinking that those with more power if driven can aim to get stuff done.

Before realizing I live in a city where everyone would bankrupt themselves as an own to their political opponent. It makes me wonder where this will lead, and how we can avoid the worst at the end of it.

I will go over some of the things new, and I hope your years have gotten better.

Stay Strong.

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3rd round zazzle shirts.

Over the past nine days we have had a lot of fun. The third set of shirts have been finished and while the artistic integrity is not quite at the level where I want it. It definitely shows improvement.

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These were a couple from the last batch one is more simplistic while the other shows the artistic side. The second one is also a shirt a friend of mine and a rabid Nippon Ichi game fan wanted me to make. It is now the wallpaper on his computer. Souffle had to get pushed back because once again life decided to muck with my carefully laid out plans. It happens though so I have not forgotten. When life makes changes to your plan then own those changes though. If anyone has a moment you can take a look at my zazzle store through the links. The next bath of shirts will have a final fantasy theme to them so if you are a gamer you may want to keep an eye on it. If you have a suggestion of a recipe after the souffle. Leave a comment in the subscription. Thanks for reading folks, good luck on your paths.

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Hitting the books – What I want to write

As I may have alluded to I want to do some publishing somewhere before my funeral.

One is something called 100 Ingredients: Home Edition. This book would be just talking about how different ingredients are handled and common applications over different recipes. This is going to be for people who are not the most comfortable in the kitchen. I was hoping to do more books in this line of thought with different sets of ingredients. That’s putting things too far ahead though. People who know how to cook will have something to gain from reading it. It has recipes in it, but it will be more focusing on the ingredient so you ( the readers ) can come up with your own recipes a lot easier.

The second is called Life, Love and Cooking. It is set up so you can read one page for every day of the year and it goes over dishes, experiences I have had in the kitchen, Working in the industry and some of the adventures I have gone on. Other cooks can laugh at some of the mistakes. People who want to get in the industry know some of the goings on. People who burn water will hopefully not and every one wins.

The typing is done on both and I have gotten some good returns from agents just not good enough to be contract worthy. Yet.

So tell me what you think of my book ideas? Like? Hate? Let me know because I would like to know.

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