game of tomes

Final Round With A Rival

Let me tell you a story. Two fighters get into a ring. 15 rounds are on the clock and as the time runs you see these two fighters beat the holy hell out of each other. Swing, counter, swing planning, counter planning. Then sometimes they will just come together and beat the holy hell out of each other. After a while Other fighters look at that match and they go these two had something. Between them, whether it was respect or hatred or just there was something additional there, that’s a rivalry.

Five times. This will be. This month makes the fifth time me and my rival and Game of tones are competing against each other and the score is they have won twice against me. I have won twice against them. They got a third event where I could not compete, so they have three victories to two for me, but in competition against each other. Out of four times it’s evenly split two Vs two. So. This is the reason why I also had to come back. Now. There was part of me hoping I could get by and not have to deal with my rival. I am laughing as I write this because it’s almost poetic where I’ve wanted to get to three victories. They got to it first because I had to go to my schooling and focus more on that. They are now in the crosshairs and for me to get it, I have to get by someone who’s been essentially a thorn in my backside for this competition.

We will go to the final round. Both of us have lives that are moving faster. This may very well be the last time both of us can do this kind of an event against the other. Inside us is also that little bit that I know they have as well. They go “OK, can I do it a third time?”  I wonder the same.

The person that will win this? We’ve had to go through hell as a writer because there was someone in your shadow pushing you just to do that little bit more, that extra repetition, that extra page, to put it how close we have been. For the four times we have competed against each other, we have never been more than 5000 words apart. 5000 sounds like a lot and for those who are new to this, it sounds Titanic. For those who are doing 500,000 that’s less than a couple hours. Three of the most recent times it’s been less than 2500 separating us. Anyone who does anything in competition. If you do something very well, let’s say you are a running back and you get 10,000 yards overseas and you make new records in your area. You do everything and when you look at the national records for the year, you realize you’re second by 10 yards.

Going into business, you have a rival business and they make $1,000,000. You are awarded as the best new business in the city because you made $1,001,000. The difference is  minuscule. It feels like inches and when you have gone miles to lose by inches hurts. It stings, it burns, it makes you swear. Funnily enough, we both have done it. Part of me wonders if I can do that again, and I cannot tell you that I can. Because if this is the last round, it would kill me if three separate times someone got by me for the sake of maybe an hour’s worth of work in a month-long competition.

What has to be the greatest piece of comedy in all of this is that neither one of us would be so strong in this kind of event, or writing on the whole, if it weren’t for the other across from us. Pushing us just to get that extra little bit more out of us. The reason I use dictation sometimes now is because of them. During the last event, we were together after the second week. Both of us had put in more than 50,000 words daily. We also made a novel. Both of us had made separate novels in a one-week time frame. Now you may hear me say 50,000 words and novel interchangeably. Some people may go that’s too short to be a novel. I use this because as it has been practiced from National Novel Writing Month, the idea the goal is to make a 50,000 word piece of writing. Now, depending on who you talk to, it could be more, it could be less, yeah. 50,000 in any case, is the goal that everyone understands.

One more time, one more challenge and one more chance to change the past. You get one bullet to do so and you ever find yourself in a position like mine, then you will do everything you can to make sure it goes to where it needs to go. How it is done though may be them ore interesting thing because win lose or draw there will be some changes. We will not be the same people we were when we started this challenge.

The final round is going to start and this is going to be the rubber match between me and my rival all for the sake of seeing not only who can do more but just as a point of pride between us. It will be tough but when the time starts working against you it is when we will start to see the test on the soul. It is never when things are going well, that you find your drive for something. It is only when things go badly, or you face an opponent worthy of it where you have to check your gut and see if there is enough there to get by them.

Part of me is also sad, when you have someone like that you expect them in other challenge to almost be there, especially if you put a lot of time into competing against them. Finality, that colors everything and it makes you see exactly where the story between the two of your ends. I guess in a couple weeks, we are going to find out.

Stay strong

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Things done, things going.

College is going, some say well, I say it could be better. In any case there are some new things that have occurred and is going to be open to you all soon. Yes, the books are going on amazon, one can be ordered in paperback starting Halloween and it is the first real novel length (50k) I did for Nano and Game of Tomes. The rest are coming and maybe in different forms, I am learning this whole self-publishing thing. The first is writing time, a story about how a young woman finds out that the magic and adventure she craves is sometimes closer than she thinks.

Now, I am also working on learning how to be a better advocate, because a school picked a black hat wearing outlaw to be someone to defend the people going through the halls of not one college but two. That was a bit of a problem over time because as I got more serious about it there was more to do. I have made no qualms that I do not think myself as a good man, and hopefully none of that bled here. What I realized is after all the fighting, the scrapping  the clawing, and brutality. Sometimes you need someone who is like that to get jobs done, and that is okay.

There was a lot of growth that was done since I wrote last. I had a lot of lessons and painful roads, and a lot of standing before the final bell. I found out that groups made moves to make sure that I would never climb higher than I was. Big groups that tilted the table because they could not break down my morals, that I was the outlaw to their mediocrity.

To those who read this thinking they got away, I do know. I know who you are, and I know why you did it. Something weird happened looking towards the stars because when multiple groups felt I was the outsider, the too fiery, the too strong, the too hard. There was a moment of calm. Everyone that joined me on those battles learned, and grew. One outlaw turned into a group of more than fifteen in one case to learn and a group of twenty. These people now look to help others because they saw a loud too old college student put some cracks in a lot of doors and while none of them broke, a lot are much weaker now. I know what’s coming, and you may have stopped me, but I am not the last shot, and now both groups must see that there is more coming. Have fun with that.

I am still not great about speaking with my emotions on this blog. Call it a bit of growth I may still need, but there is always something that could use work could it not?  One thing that many of you may know from working near me or with me, is when someone wants to step on my toes, then they need to realize that there is a price to pay. Disrespect never did well, and my wall is filling with certifications and awards that people thought would never happen.

This will be going up on the first day of November because of a couple things, first is that I will be returning to Game of Tomes with a little bit of business to handle. Second, by this time one of my books will now be available in paperback on Amazon. That is something I did not think would happen but sure enough that is the case.

It’s mine, and even if you read it and hate it, it still exists and that’s good enough for me right now.  

Writing Time on Amazon

The problem is the other books that will obviously need a cover and then I must finish some series up including the devil book.

Devil book? Yes, someone made a comment how releasing ten versions of a book where it is the same save for the ending would be brutal, and who knows it may be eleven because I have a sadistic streak in me. Think about that if you read a novel, you are engrossed, and the ending is one of however many.  If it is a bad book, it will be laughed at, and if it is a good novel otherwise, I feel the Post Office will have to start x-raying packages any “fans” would send me. Logistically, it does provide some challenges because that would mean you would have to have all ten endings written and the leadups and that would be the equivalent of a new novel. Then it must be given at random at first, and then after that it needs to be verified so that they can choose the one they want.

Doing like that I feel could be good and would be different but not painful because after all the endings are out you can just find the one you want. It would also be good because then you can see which endings people like and why. After a while you can make a hardcover version and have all the endings in one place, and because my sadistic streak can be summed as the equivalent of a highway. I would put a new ending there specifically for that release.

Rating wise would have to be careful as well because the endings would need to be enough to not change the rating or they can be sussed out by a quick investigation of the book.

Some people may go and not like it and say it is horrible. I understand fully only under the conditions that people like that book, and that if they do, they are entertained by the endings would it ever work out, for anything else would just be a mockery. Also, this is the internet age, you can ask a doctor halfway around the world the proper color your beard should be within a few minutes. There is some expectation there may be conversations about this then.

Stay Strong, and enjoy the book, just be aware the Epub is cheaper.

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Back Against the Wall.

There are moments that when things get really high stress there is a part of me that likes to smile. Like right now, I am trying to get my third victory in game of tomes, there are people chasing me that can beat me, they have the ability to do it, and just need to run a little bit longer. Push a little harder, find another gear despite things not looking my way sometimes, all of it has just to be a little longer, and I can make it.

When my time started in Game of Tomes there was just someone who came and picked me up for their team, an offer that no one else made. Despite professional editors and writers all that was on my resume was some small stories and fan fiction no one liked to read. People seemed to be so proud of what they could do, and part of that insulted me. There never was that sort of pride with me then, and because of it there was a rage that came and gave me a charge that many found hard to fight against. Attempt after attempt was made to be a better writer, and some of the efforts are shown here, some are given away here.

Now, I have been top writer twice, been second twice, beat leaders and writers and editors and are sitting on more books then ever, now so more because the time it takes to release means there is not writing being done, and the focus is the writing and the editing. Ever since my youth there were moments were people would fight until my back was too the wall, where my wrists would be sprained or broken, where my ribs were cracked by shots with baseball bats or pieces of wood. There is something that my friends back then noticed about me.

When it came to the last card, when it came to the point where it was no escape, then I turned into a devil to survive. Some were even scared it despite them being bigger then me. The fact was not that they had been trained and my size was the factor, it was the factor that when there was one way out, there would be no expense spare to make it through. In fact in different circles it is why I am nicknamed Red, or the smiling devil. Those unused to it and had to see me fight would watch as the person who was happy and trying to help them out was painted in his own blood in a brawl and was smiling.

Fun fact, my hair is still long not because it is normal in Portland, because of the scars on my scalp, it looks really scary so the hair keeps it covered up really well. The reason that these moments are brought up is that there is something almost beneficial pushing yourself to those limits in something, even if it is for survival. When something you are so invested in is your goal where anything will be the cost to be paid. You realize how far you can go, and it is always farther then you originally thought. For this round of Game of Tomes, this is where I am. Due to being behind these posts did not get typed until the last day of July.

These are the moments that make me smile. One more fight, one more try, one more goal, one more path, just me and my surroundings against others and their capabilities. No health issues, no problems no handicap, just who can do more and part of me wants it to be me. The other part just smiles knowing if we lose that it was a good fight, and that allows me to sleep. It stands that for individuals no one, not a professional writer, or editor has done more then me and the work that is in my pile is proof of that. This time there was no practice on edits save for the light ones, this was just getting it done.

Backs to the wall facing your enemy seeing the goal behind them. One more fight, one more round, time to see who writes the end of the story on the competition. Let us see if the punk from Forest Grove who got in fights can win one more. Either way I will let you know of the results.

Stay Strong and keep fighting.

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Hunting Against the Clock

Time, you always lose it and for some reason you always need more. Some people may fret and some get a little chaotic. So what is on the docket for me this month?

Classes, I am a full time student and that means there is a lot of homework to do. There are reasons I need to stay on honor roll so there cannot be any times to falter. All of this takes time and it is first on my list of objectives.

Second, is Game of Tomes where the plan is to collect a third victory. Currently I have been first twice, and been in second twice when it comes to the individual writing amounts. Two major writing projects have been completed and there are still a few more that I can try to get done. All of this is good, but there a lot of power writers in the game and there has to be some point where they catch up. Homework takes so much time that getting time to write is going to be tough. Also, because of the competitions I am entering later in the year it is not like I can take my easy classes off. I got to go full force into making all of this happen.

Third, has to be the Destiny 2 rank, it is a game but there is enough time in it that I would like to do well and there would be a little smirk to see that I made it to at least rank 10. The plan is still to get to rank 11, and all this despite dashing around from point to point there is still enough to be able to fit it in.

Somewhere between first and second is making sure my transition to university goes well. Just between all of that it is looking like there is little time left, but right now as I am doing all of this there is working out when you can and making sure you try to do more for your physical health. To get stronger, and faster, and all against the half energy that is growing, maybe because of the pain that all the nerve attacks that won’t let me sleep. It would be funny if that for all the problems and how many times it left me exhausted, also made me able to still fight on.

Photo by Eva Bronzini on Pexels.com

All to chase some dragons. Part of me is smiling because the odds are more against me then with me. This old snake in the grass still has some venom left in him, ya know. Hopefully, things are doing well for you as well, things are tough, they are the times that will test you, and you can disappoint yourself very easy. Take it one step at a time, and you can make it further then you ever thought.

Stay Strong.

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Finishing Business

https://gameoftomes.org/a/mrbigtanderson-person

There is no shame in losing to the best of a competition. Even though one tried their best it should be still a feeling a pride that if they had done everything and still not gotten it. That is what was once told when I was younger. Part of me believes it and part of me doesn’t because it hurts as everyone knows to put everything in your efforts and still have to be that much short of the goal, of the prize no matter how big or small it may be. In a competition that is all about base numbers and getting them high as possible there is something to when an amateur can stack with the pros. Looks good to see you can hang with people who may have made this their profession or who made it their main hobby because you may not have the time or the health or the energy but still you are there and doing everything to stand amongst them. This competition has something left for me to get because I have been the top writer in two separate events. Out of everyone I have been the one guy to beat and pushed myself to pain whether I like it or not and as much as those two times make me smile because some small part of me looks at all the people trying for everything and still feels like the outsider. No worries, while our work shows that we belong.

What had been the most painful has been the two times where I had been close, so close at doing it with all the books written the plots hammered out and the words counted only to find that unfortunately, my spot was one short of the goal. Jafar makes a good song about only being second best, but it stings when that is the case. It hurts, it burns and there is enough pain in my life that this time there is less a plan and just will. There needs to be a third victory, even if it never mattered and even if my fingers go numb and my body breaks again, fine. It will be done. Who knows, it may be that this will be second best again.

As Alexander Anderson said once, though” I would like a stab at it.”

Part of it will have to be new to get to the number that is in my crosshairs, but this time we are going to do, we are going to put on the joker makeup and act like a dog chasing an ambulance and see what happens when we get to it, if we do. Sometimes it has to be something that we put all our chips in and find the next level we have in something and let all we have be on the wayside. There is something to be said reaching that point for a goal no matter how inconsequential in the long run, and finding that right now would be nice.

Stay Strong.

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Thoughts on School Senate

So for those who don’t know, I am a school senator for my community college. With everything going, it would be nice if something got easier. Then I had to hear the results from the first week and found two people past me.

Fuck.

When best efforts puts you third.

Welp. Things get hard. You gotta get harder. With everything going on, my body will be made of diamonds for the rest of my life because there is not enough time to do it while everything is still getting done as of writing this, a lot of things are already coming in, and there is little idea what to do although some projects do need to get wrapped up some time and there had been some work done in quite a few things.

People have told me that things will need to take time and that it moves slowly. For those new here, I am the same person most people think would stop breathing if I stopped doing it. Makes this infinitely more difficult because slow means good in some cases, but sometimes things need to get done. With coming back from the pandemic, from going from online only for the most part to bringing people back, there is a lot that needs to be done, and time will be something that will not be friendly.

Agreements are had when something will need to go slow, but there are times one needs to hit the gas and move before one can’t, or one will lose momentum. We cannot have that because we can only be senators for a short time, a year, which means we have to put as much into it as possible. Does anyone else feel like a clock is running too quickly about their work or your projects? Right now, it feels like there is a lot getting done, but to counter the clock is right behind me. What can be done? I wish I knew, but right now, it seems there is movement on all fronts, so in that case, we gonna run for as much as we can til the wheels fall off.

Remember, winter is coming, and that means now more than ever. If you can get extra things to eat in case the power goes out or you have a way to light your fireplace, then now is the time to get it in order. We have had some in storage here, and while you do not need a lot, make sure you have some to rely on in case things go badly.

Stay warm and stay strong.

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Two Months Left

November comes, and things change in the game of tomes. New forces want to make a name, and old ones want to re-establish why they had been around so long. I won the first time to show I could write. I won the second individual award to show that I belonged. Since then, life has gotten only more chaotic and more painful. I am a senator of the student body in my community college. Now, as it stands, I will be moving forward as the only two-time winner competing because of events in between the competitions.

The other one, who was in my house also, had not been able to continue moving forward. We have a new leader in my house, and now I am the elder. I am the person with the longest tenure. My house has never been the house that won, and now we need to be a major player more than ever. So my goal is half a million to do half a million words or edits in thirty days when it was such a problem a year ago to do a million.

The first time was to try, second was to show I belonged. Each time the past few have been a problem because there has been more that takes my energy, and last time I pushed so hard my hands cramped up and needed days of rest just to loosen. I need to beat that score by about 80,000. Now, it is a small thing in life. Still, I never really counted myself as a writer and not even a good one at times. I need to work on self-depreciation, but this is a moment where if I want to show people they can through my action, I need the victory. There are enough projects I can do, and there are enough ways to work on them. It is just about if I have enough time and energy to do it on top of everything else.

Normally my writing has not been about me, or at least efforts were made to not have to be so self-focused. This is more just my thoughts because it hurt last time to finish, but it hurt more to finish second. In the time between events editing and polishing have been a focus, but there needs to be a victory here, to be the first to three. Not because of force but to show that I am genuinely about what I say I am, another piece of advice in a time seemingly ready to spin falsehoods. I want people to look at me in competitions and take a crack if that makes them better people. To be the one that people look to in something and goes, ‘if he can, then so can I”. To do it, I need to constantly push myself. Here is something where the victory individually needs to be mine.

The goal for this event is that there needs to be 50k every three days, no missing any, and no time off for thirty days. Something that I, three years ago, would have thought to be a fool’s errand.
I was close last time, I did the math, and if there was health for thirty days, I would have been brushing against it then. I have to find a way to make myself the machine I need to be to finish and then look at the plans for the next goals and see where my next steps are. That will be after this because a lot of work will need to be done.

This will not be so polished because there is doubt, and some portion is unsure if it can be done. There is no place it can stop me; it will just be me trying, and hopefully, it is enough. Afterward, the work can be done into something people can enjoy. I hope this month there is something you can go for as passionately as I go for mine, and if you do not, may I hope you find it.

Sorry for the thought vomit. I just had to get some things out.
Happy Halloween, and Stay Strong

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July is Over

There is a level where you do something, and there seems to be a part of you that wants to do the chaos dance, especially against a specific group. In Genshin Impact, the term ‘chaos mage’ may be familiar. For those who would play it, they would be in a single element, often shielded, and make your life that much worse in game. Out of game, a chaos mage is someone who does something intricate to anger or tweak the nose of a group. So there is a writing project that will add to the books to get everything even more chaotic, but this is something I had a giggle fit when listening to everyone talk about the lore of World of Warcraft, something I know less than some breakfast dishes about. An idea came that I should take the most egregious of the lore spinners. Such spinners think their crap doesn’t stink, and they own the book on all things within the universe and tweak their nose to the point they crack under pressure or laugh at the absurdity of my work.

On top of that, there is a bit of fun that will be a little later as this is also being used to pad my word counts a touch because let us say things in the writing competition I am in as come down to in the third week a difference of over 150 words. All the projects need formatting, getting to the point of hilarity. Remember, there is a large, almost nutty pile of things that can be formatted and worked on to their release, and it is getting to the point where things are silly if I do not. This does not mean they are great works of fiction, but over time I think they have gotten better from the first drafts. I need to get a lot of these out soon. After that, I will need to look at my classes and my projects, but something about competing is what I missed. It reminds me of who I was once and who I can be again, and for the briefest moments, I forget the pain and feel like I can charge one more time. I will be the first three-time winner, but oh boy, it will be tough to do it. Through this whole thing, it looks like I will be close to a million not in a year but in three individual months, and that is more than I ever thought done. If my score ends at 333k, that will mean there will be something to the tune of 850 thousand words written and edited in three months, and that will be amazing writers groups or not.

With that kind of fire, there are projects that will make a dip in the water, and there is excitement coming through me. It will not be an easy fight, someone is trying to make their second victory in this, and they had competed in one of the first events. Who wins, the old guard looking to show they can make a comeback or the current champ? Mind you, a rival is gaining steam. A shadowy writer is trying to catch up, so all of this converges at one moment where people can all try, and only one person will win. I will talk about how I did next week from this post, but like any day with a blog post, it must end with something.

Stay Strong.

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Tunnel Vision on the Finish Line

There are moments in your life when talking really has to stop. When a goal is right in front of you and all you can do is just stretch yourself and grasp it. After every pain and practice you took to be good at something it was within that moment it all added up and those extra inches, and moments added to all you could do making you seem more then your usual self. Despite all the good and bad in the world it takes so much focus that you cannot see much else except on the task in front of you and what it means to you. It could be something big or something small.

I love these moments because there is no place for me to soften the sting of failure, I did it or I failed and good competition makes it something where you have to rise to the challenge. When you look in the mirror and there is no more talking and there is a bizarre calmness where you have to just do it and there is nothing else that can be done. You could be crippled or poor but they cannot take you away from you and making yourself work to the best of your strengths and lose the least from your weaknesses is something that can make you smile because you have a chance.

So let me answer why these writing events are like that for me. Because, all three months, all three events had been under different circumstances and had enough to deal with. One I didn’t even know if I was a writer, two was when it only mattered to me and I matched the only other person out of hundreds of possible people who had won twice. This one, means I have to keep everything going to such a degree where I cannot fail because if I do then everything fails. I am currently an honor student, I am in summer classes. I am working part time and I am training to get in better shape. All of this in the same time frame, day by day and work on your projects, your food, your music and your stream do it all and do not let anything go one inch back. It makes me smile because it is just the level of crazy that I would approve of, and the thing when it is done like this. When people make excuses there is some attempt to mar it but the sheer amount, the sheer volume and list of everything done is something where people can try to make excuses but it would only make them look foolish.

You may do badly and tell everyone it was a conspiracy, but let us be honest you know better. Good or bad sometimes you just are not at the level you want and you take that fire to grow and turn into something you are proud of. Change is coming and there is a point where you instead of running away from it just brace you feet and start running knowing win or lose with whatever comes you may make some memories and you have just that inkling of that faith in you because you made it through harder times, through more painful times, through, more depressing times, and you still finished to the best of your ability.

There is something maddening and yet something not because when you run hot you feel it through you. You know you are running like a fine tuned machine and hiccups aside this is as good as you will get at this time and now people or yourself has to deal because there is no chance you are letting this time, that practice and all that work go to waste. Is the world gonna suck? Always, to some degree, but you have control over you and how you react and some can be happy and bubbly and some not but you can do this and make it happen all you have to do is push a little more. Stretch yourself and grab the banner at the finish line on your goals. People may not get it and they do not need to, if goals were easy everyone would do it, and a lot of people do not do a darn thing.

Find something and start pushing because the world is gonna change and you might as well do it, because you never know what you can do sometimes if you just go.

Stay strong and write your legend.

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One More Time in Tourney of Tomes

No, I am not getting into the supreme court decisions at this time. I have had to explain no less than three separate times when even those on Twitter cannot argue the points. The actual facts, well, I am going to take the time and go over things because otherwise, it has been a good week, and people can get doom and gloom anywhere else. So for this moment, the move seems to be to take the time and go over the positives because more stuff got done, and for everything to progress, there are still things to learn.

July, the target is to claim the Game of Tomes top spot for the third consecutive time and have more books, more things, and all of what could be done. After that, nothing else could be done, and paperwork is getting in to join the student senate, granted at community college. Still, all things start at one point or another. If for the third time, my name stands at the top of the individual board, that means not only done three separate times, not only back to back, but it would be for twelve months straight. My first was in the November competition last year, then the tourney of tales after that, and from the first day of the previous Game of Tomes to the next, it will be one full year. Getting this third event means that for 365 days, the top writer and editor on Twitch is me since for at least another full year, at a minimum, no one would be able to do it. I am the second to do it back to back, but three times means something a little more, allowing me to knock out more stuff off the writing list.

News from the doctor came back bad because while there was a lot of good seen from the diet and exercise regiment, there was a fear that pushing to join any strongman events this year would be a risk too many and so has said as of now unless a severe change can be done that clearance will not be granted. That hurts but is understandable and does not stop the physical process of trying to better myself. It just means it may take longer.

Added is also a link to the nexus page https://www.nexus.gg/mrbigtanderson a game storefront for creators where a small portion of it goes to me. Do not push yourself, but every so often, it will change just to see, and sometimes a good deal will be there. Check if you are looking for something new. All of it has been something, and there is still a lot to do. There always is, so stay strong. 

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