I am going to be a little real. Sometimes doing so much it gets people wondering in day-to-day life asking about how I can do so much.
Economic competitions, leadership camps, writing books, repairing, analyzing data files and that’s just over the past two weeks. Not including the work when it comes to my classes and volunteer work. Not including projects I may not talk about as much, and while I am happy to do it, because I think it should be done and no one else is getting to it.
I sometimes give myself a rest. Call it pulling the armor off. Just relax and breath to see the lay of the land of where we had gotten.
Six years ago, I was on the streets. Before that I was using this for goofy t-shirt design and just being a loud voice on the internet that seemed to be full of them. Being goofy I will never say no to on its own. The first posts of this blog go back to 2013, and it has been an odd but entertaining cross section in my life. Definitely was learning involved in the time frame.
It was strange because I am still that angry person but back then I was the person that knew nothing but to rage because he had not been taught a thing else. Family was brutal and abusive, friends were few and unable to help, and it just felt like the world was against you, and it was true because it was. Since then, I have gotten to university, flown to the nations capital, worked with policy centers and presented to the federal reserve. I have written books, and done more than a hundred different recipes for different projects and over the time I had to learn how to be social in a way I was never used to.
Kevin Nash, who is sneaky smart had a line in a promo that I think fits.
“A funny thing happened on the way to getting here, as I got older, I got wiser.”
Anytime I can work a wrestling quote that makes sense I will. There is a difference but who I am then and who I am now have changed to some degree, I have become cagier and I have been the one to make more positive out of the negative. I am still the angry person that wants to make things better and cannot stand stupidity without reason. Just sometimes it is important to take your helmet off and look back at the path once traveled
Marcus Corvon or Monty Brown if you watch videos online you may find some wrestling fan say how he was a failed wrestler. That is why I am writing this.
Now, pardon me for being smarter here then some fans, but this is one I am going to be pure Anderson asshole here.
Monty Brown was a TNA stalwart when they needed an identity and he helped them find it. I dare say if it wasn’t for the alpha male of early TNA then we may not know it in the way we do now. This was Bobby Lashley, before Bobby Lashley, skilled and multifaceted, a proper NFL history with a pair of super bowl victories.
Dude, was a thoroughbred, if he was a stock he would be a blue-chip stock. He knew how to talk and play a character and he had morals in an age I guess people were more about the money. His finish was a version of a spear called the pounce where instead of hitting someone from the front he would get an angle going from the opposing set of ropes. He was not the technical master, but he had enough that he knew where to go for 99% of wrestling life. He was a powerhouse and unique to boot.
He went to TNA, never won any titles because they didn’t have one to put on him. (Era of AJ, JJ Abyss, Raven, etc. etc. etc.) This was a guy everyone knew could be a world champion in a class of wrestlers that had all been not just champion level but was high tier. Everyone knew he could be world champ and they bought in when he fought for it because one pounce was all it took.
Behind the curtain there is not a single man that will say a bad word about him. In an industry where you had to defend your value, he let actions shine more then words. No one in an age where people have to be political saw him get into that portion of it. After TNA for so long where he basically helped keep it alive he had gone to WWE for the WWECW brand and became one of the bright spots there. I wanted to see him against Regal because it could have been very interesting.
I am generally a downer, a realist, I searched for hours online and not one single guy would say a single thing bad about how he was as a wrestler or as a man. Mind you this is an industry with more skeletons than a spirit Halloween store, and for one guy to not have any makes some suspicious. Except for years, for literal years at the highest point of two different very physical careers he had been a guy to lace up and let actions speak more then words. Honestly if I cannot find anyone after years of being in the public high of anyone trying to bring you down he must have done something right.
Because after Hurricane Katrina he did a lot more right. During that time his sister passed, and her kids were left without a parent or a home until he stepped in. Let’s just think of that, a guy with not one but two physical well paying careers currently in one and he goes.
“Nah, I’m gonna take care of my sisters kids.” I am going to be honest I do not know how many people would do that. I hope a lot but I do not know.
He gets a third career and now in his fifties and some people let themselves go and just work and be a parent.
Nah, not the alpha way. For me before Tate heard of alpha it was Brown’s and honestly for me it still is. This is him doing an interview in his fifties.
Dude, is still built like a brick shithouse. MVP needs to get him in the hurt syndicate, think of MVP going back to full time wrestling and they chose the Alpha Male to come in as a manager for title matches and big moments. Seriously, this man is a shape where if he wanted to say he was back in I do not think any worldwide company would say no to at least a couple matches.
So, the idea that he was a failure. No, bro was on his own time and he had morals, honestly good on him better the majority of us I would say. He got two rings in the NFL, he has done enough that he has to be one of the best wrestlers never to be world champion, which in wrestling lists that is a big one to be high on.
However, anyone who thinks he failed. Wrong, incorrect, failure of understanding, and now by the way he is the head of his own fitness and helps people train. Sometimes characters are more the people behind it and we wonder where in titles and tribulations but when someone like that knows when to call it and can rebuild himself time and time again, he is a success just a different kind of it, and if you don’t know that to quote Mr. Brown.
“Remember in the Serengeti, you are in the land of the Alpha Male, and the Serengeti is all I see.”
He knew how to be a character better then a lot of people. You can make the Alpha Male as Monty Brown a proper comic book and it would work. A dash of Kraven the Hunter, some Black Panther, some Blade, some Loki, and you got someone with the style and swagger that if he is a failure, then there are a lot of failures in the world.
300 hours volunteered in a semester and a year. Since I started at uni my volunteer hours were being counted and now I have near doubled my last year of school between may 14th to now.
Always something to be done and always something to be better at.
So let me do something else.
When would it ever be enough?
After I achieve my goal of making the city better what would I want?
This made me think about it.
I would be happy maybe with someone that cares for all my eccentricities who I am and not what I bring to the table. To be able to do good for my city and watch as the sun rises on a new apex of industry, and just enjoy a life of fights and bloodshed and violence made to something positive and just enjoy it.
Do things I never did before. I never went to Japan, homeland of my aunt and her family. I never flew private, I don’t know what people do in such jets but it sounds nice. Go to Africa and see how people do film there and make stories. Learn to cook in a dozen cuisines, and actually dress nicely. I wear clothes out and having a proper wardrobe would be nice. Invest in farms.
Oh, the one thing I would do with money and power and time, is be an unbreakable immovable trickster. Hear me out, you know the kind of people who never had someone get in their way, then ones with money with no sense? Having someone come from what I did turn their ideas I disagree with to mulch is going to be infinitely entertaining.
A group of people want less farms and push farms needing expensive sets of equipment, I am going to equip every one of them in the state. If someone tries to get someone off land by being sneaky I am going to give my lawyers a bunch of caffeine and tell them the budget is open to six or seven digits plus and I want blood.
You know the guy who in some movies or shows just helps the little guy out not just because it’s a good idea but also because the people doing the dumb crap have more dollars than brain cells? That would be me. Not just because it is the right thing to do, but because I am going to be an evil little troll doing it.
I mean with enough companies you got to have loss leaders to balance your taxes. How many places can I burn money.
Go to a hospital department, ask what do you need and tell a doctor and a nurse to stuff a shopping cart like supermarket sweep. Do I know if the new cat scan machine can be delivered, no, but we will figure that out in the long run. When you have enough money and power being the asshole on the good guys team is a perfect place.
Work treatment shit. Build a factory set to a thirty-two-hour work week, pay them for forty set pay for part time to be similar to account for an addition 8-hour shift for free and just do it better. Would a lot of rich people think I am Loki reborn?
Because pissing off people while you do good things is the sort of things that would give me life. Seriously. I get to that point it may not be a long ride but it will be a kick.
Someone got mad once because I explained cooking as the last school of magic. For this we are going to pull the merriam webster definition.
“The use of means (such as charms or spells) believed to have supernatural power over natural forces.”
Now there is nothing more natural then grown food, whether animal or vegetable it is the natural force of the planet we can use to keep ourselves going.
For the sake of clarity supernatural is defined as “departing from what is usual or normal especially so as to appear to transcend the laws of nature”
It is not. Nature does not come like this, we work with the materials to make our emotions, our senses, and our ideas come to life in away that is wholly without speaking but still a language all of its own. There are dishes that do something with us that scientifically we cannot explain. When your lover makes your favorite cookie after a long day of work. When your mother made you a dish after you cried from not making a sports team. The argument could be made that memory and all of that is neuroscience but even they do not understand to what degree it is or it isn’t.
Magic is something that can be holy or unholy, self-reflective or a pulse to the people around you, it can be something built out of the worst of emotions and be great, and be made from joy and be horrible for others. All it is, is a crack in the door that you do not understand the world as completely as you think. That’s it.
It took me years to believe in magic again after a lot of painful times because when you go through a lot of pain sometimes magic is the farthest thing you can believe in. It doesn’t feel like it can help you, like it can heft your weight of the mud of the situation or bandage wounds that have come from working.
Magic allows you to think you may be able, if the cards fall your way and the wind blows just right you can do things that maybe you wouldn’t be able to do as well before. Walking back to my apartment it dawned upon me that for all the people willing to shout down anyone doing well not one of them could see themselves doing the same successes they saw in others. It made me wonder why, and why they couldn’t just believe a little bit. Anywho.
I could not keep the idea of daily posts too well but I type this while in Washington DC
Yes someone screwed up and yes, I do no its weird but hey ho what do you know I am in the nations capital learning how to do a finance competition.
No, no one in the school wanted to be part of the team although I only asked about 50 students and had to go off to work on other projects. Once again that leaves me representing Portland State. Enough about that
Up to us is a finance based competition that allows people to talk on a nonpartisan issue in this case the national debt getting people involved to learn and fill their own leadership camps and internships.
Everything a bunch of college students need you would think.
In this case they sent me to Washington DC for a weekend to learn and while it was very taxing, currently I type this at the end of 2 of a convention, it is something where it is very much useful and you meet very interesting people as well. I got off my flight late and had a bit of communications issue getting my tardiness explained. I cannot make a plane move faster and assure you readers I tried.
Still had a good time, and my team won a trivia competition on fiscal policy, overall a good day.
Nine months of trying to figure out what to do, and there had been some things that had changed, one had been my awards and work.
As a disabled advocate I have been working on different projects and there had been some more activity intensive then others. I put in a lot of hours even when it doesn’t help my position for the simple fact that it may, and that may sometimes does pan out. It became clear that a lot of things are not what they seem. Where I work is now in the community college and even with differences of opinion, I have found it to be a welcoming place for different opinions and intelligent conversation.
Are there some bad eggs? In a major group of people you are bound to have at least one, because the gods of the odds dictate it. I do think we do well for the amount of people we have we are at least somewhat better than the odds.
What bothers me with work is that sometimes you realize the talk about the state or the city being so good working with disabled people is not as true as it should be. Which it isn’t so bad if it just needs to be fixed, but it is aggravating when buildings need to be made ADA compliant, or how people avoid being fined because their insurance wanted to wait out people who didn’t have money.
One person at PSU had been called an autistic snowflake by a teacher who had not believed she was a democrat when he was, and another person walking with a cane had a toilet crumble under him while the insurance and the school just let him sit in a room for hours forgetting about him. Both brought their cases up but the insurance said they had investigated themselves and that the school did nothing wrong, or that they would not pay for it.
That is the kind of thing I hear about time after time, and I have found the insurance company PSU uses to be the biggest group of bigots I have seen in quite a long time. It is aggravating, except unfortunately lawyers also do not want to face the school, or they already work closely enough that they are unable to be talked to. Another person had their wheelchair damaged by a faculty member slamming a door and the insurance said the wheelchair was too weak for use.
That sort of thing is very difficult to advertise in favor of the university for, and especially when for the student government to support you have to be part of the club or get forgotten. It makes it difficult to be an advocate when the people you try to look at for are being lied to because for a university the size of Portland State, they can make those changes very easily but choose not to.
Nine months has been a lot to learn from but the worst part is when you are powerless to help, but what can you do, but try to make the most out of learning the problems even when no one will hear it.
Has there been a time that at your job it seemed to be the same that you would not be heard despite it being your job? How did you handle that?
This post is going to be something different. I don’t like asking for things. It has come from a lot of times where other people. I could see others needed it more than I could. At this moment. There are things I’m going to ask you, the readers, for. Obviously, let’s get the easy one. If you like my book or you like my stuff, cost me a couple bucks. Generally with these sort of things, there’s got to be one ask for money. I’d like to just put it at the front. That way you can all just kind of gloss over it.
What I want more then anything? It isn’t money. I know that’s a shocking thing to say, but I understand things are tight. If you want to give me money, I will not say no to it. That is not the major reason to this post. That’s not the main reason for this. What I want to do is there are a lot of different things I want to get further into. After this month, I’m going to focus on getting more of my work together in different formats, whether it be for voice acting, or whether it be for speaking. And I would like to see myself go a little bit further in those different directions to round myself out, so to speak.
Each of the following skills I’ve done some work in and I would like to do more. This will be split one skill per paragraph, so it’s very easy to see what’s going on without having to read the whole thing period. Writing with a dictation machine, I understand I can get a bit long winded. I can talk like a hamster and a Mobius strip.
Voice acting. There isn’t a set thing I want to do while a voice acting, whether it be dramatic reading or add reading. I want to take my voice and make something more out of it. I have a very deep tone. If you’ve ever heard me on stream, I will never hit a high note worthwhile. If I ever need to sing the Oogie Boogie song from The Nightmare Before Christmas or Scar’s part from Lion King, That I can do that all day without much of a problem. Projects in voice acting that I have done Include the various readings on my YouTube channel for different books, different stories, a lot of fan fiction readings. I wanted to get that out there. It was fun. Give it a try if you’re ever bored. Advertisement readings for my Community College. They did a whole ad setup where I was one of the main voices. It was a very entertaining experience and it’s something that made me look of doing it more. Other than that, bit parts here and there so I have some experience I would like more. It’s something that will probably mean I’ll have to set up a specific page just to have all my portfolios in one spot.
Public speaking. I enjoyed doing my speech for the community colleges in North Carolina, I enjoyed speaking to Phi Theta Kappa when I was an international candidate, and I feel with my experiences there is a lot I can speak on to at least make it interesting. It is one of those things where if you have to deal with my way of speaking for long periods of time, you’d rather run your head into a cinder block. However, when it comes to a 30 minute speech, even if it’s a long interview. Generally, I have found that the way I speak is very animated and enough where people are usually invested. This makes it a good thing because moving forward. I want people to be invested in what I have to say. I want them to find it worthwhile.
Let’s start with those two skills right now. What I am asking you is to look around my stuff, whether it be my YouTube channel where you can see the readings or it be my Twitch channel where you can talk with me in person, in living color. What I want is if you know where there may be some speaking opportunities in the future. Granted online works better, I would prefer it. That doesn’t mean I can’t travel. Generally. I am in the Pacific Northwest. So, and because of health issues, I am unable to drive. What’s the health reason? Well, I pass out sometimes. That means that doctors are generally not too happy to put me behind the wheel of a one-ton vehicle. Granted, I’ve seen how some people drive on the highways. I feel that even though I passed out, I have a better than coin flip chance that I’m going to be not the worst one on the roads.
If you like my writing, or you think that my writing works to a style that you find useful for one project or another, let me know. I would prefer to be paid for it. I am a college student. Money is nice. However, I know there’s not a lot of money going around right now, so if there is something that you think I can do, well, we’ll figure it out, just let me know. That has to be what I want moving forward. Money is great. I would prefer the opportunity to show that I can do more things at a high enough level that people can enjoy .
These may not be within the time frame of this month or next month. Take it like this. If there is something that you know, even if it’s a website where hey, there’s a lot of parts going on that may be useful for you, send me a note. Let me know because if I feel it’s crap. Then I’ll call it out, but at that point, you can tell me why I am wrong, and we can have that conversation. I may be an idiot sometimes but I have no problem taking my lumps when I need to. There also may be something I don’t understand about this business online for either one of these skills where you can correct me. This is a learning experience for me. I am doing this on the side trying to figure this out while I’m trying to figure the rest of my life.
From that it morphs to a lot of different things, but I will say one thing that encapsulates it all. I understand my grandfather’s love of booze, because he would drink like it was water and then show you could do anything with it including driving. No joke he was able to pass a driving test drunk save for the blood alcohol content, and the person could not tell he was a bottle of vodka or whiskey in. The cops even brought him on once to a closed course because he argued it helped him drive better.
Sad or funny thing was that he was right. He was such a nervous wreck that without booze you would see him second guess himself and whether it was just part of his life for so long or he needed it as he said it helped turn down the volume in his head to focus on what he needed to do. When he did that, he was very good at a lot of different things. Despite his reasons, he also just loved alcohol, and while I make sure not to drink as often as he does. I can count how many times a year I drink on my hands generally. The ability to turn down the noise, especially after dealing with some weapons grade idiocy, is something that will make me want to invest in alcohol production for the years to come.
Being an advocate particularly for disabled students is fulfilling and angering, and before anyone thinks, yes still I am a student in economics and business. Advocating though has a lot of problems, because very literally there is about 5% of the population around that is perfect to help and give you everything you need without causing problems. 10% cause problems every so often and a little one on one time to polish it out is what they need to make them feel like they can continue in school. That 15% I can work with all-day, all-week if I could.
For those who can math to a responsible level that means I did not talk about 85%. Disability is an odd thing in the fact that people know of it but there is an out-of-sight out of mind aspect to it and a lot of groups in the school may not put that in context. There are also, unfortunately, people gaming the system who just want an easier life and that is one of the groups that makes my work difficult. My job is to advocate that someone can do great work in lieu of a disability, and that helping navigate that disability in class or school job whether it be needing of labeling or if they need someone to take notes because they physically can not, I am all for that.
Then there are those who think just because you are disabled you have to have everything handed to you, and those although are not the majority. They are enough that when they do damage it takes the whole department to work against it and after a year we may able to erase one bad time. A lot of people have negative times and the reason that damage has to be caught is that it takes one bad experience for a teacher or a business owner to look at someone like that go to the bad experience and think it’s all useless. Some people can get past that. I can get past that for me sometimes, because I am stubborn, but some of these people come out of homes that taught them they are not going to make it, they come out of places where they always see them fall short, and if that doesn’t piss you off then you don’t know what some of these people can do. I am not saying there will be perfection or it will be easy. School will be difficult, especially if you are driven to better yourself, that is the way for me. I have to carry smelling salt around because I am so exhausted sometimes, I pass out.
Then as I am going through my days, something happened and really it started at the elections for PTK in Florida. A lot of people do not come from those homes where everything is good, and this is why I try to help any student who needs it. I may not be good at this, I may not be taught for it, and I may be one of the most evil people in this department. There are a lot of good people with no blood on their hands, and mine have been painted red sometimes it feels like it never goes away. My advocacy is also me doing everything that can be done, because sometimes the only thing someone needs is to know that something can be done. That something is within reach even if a thousand lemmings say otherwise. Rewrite your ending, make your life the story you want to tell the next generation and give no quarter when people try to stop you. Showing that it can be done, despite everything is why I do this, and it will not be what I do forever, but for now, there is a black hat in the disability advocates and sometimes that is what you need.
So for those reading, if you think you can’t than you can and if you think I am a loud arrogant egotistical dipstick. Well, you may be right on that one, but I am doing my best to make something positive out of my best traits. I will say when you see the path you are building and it begins to happen, handicapped or no it makes you feel just a little more alive than you ever have been.
Honestly, I’m guessing its how the old pirates felt seeing the open sea, that’s how I feel, and it feels good. May the sails bow your way.
Things change over our lives and for those who have seen me on twitch there is a grid in my banner and is the second one. Originally the grid was something that if online trying to gather an audience I had been proud of I put it in a square and as time goes on you see how things change. Well, I have not been streaming, but the grid has been getting filled in with achievements and things that have became little moments where I was proud for sometimes the dumbest reason, but still a reason.
Looking back over it it has evolved to more then just games and subscriber numbers so I have something here for you. A lot of people may be proud of somethings that others are not, but from my experience no one feels proud of what they do. So this is free. Absolutely free. Fill it with things as you do them. This is no contest, this is so you in your bad times can look back and see what you are happy for, and if things change you can just continue to keep going. Mine in the beginning thought it would be cute, but over time it has helped me. Pic added because it is an achievement and it looked cool.
Anytime, I think I cannot, or that I am not good enough. I look to the challenges that I got past, and see each of those moments represented. It means there is still one more fight. All of them do not need to be serious, all of them do not need to be games, just do what you are proud of even if no one else is, but you will learn that progress means you have to keep going further. One step then means trying for two. Push yourself until you hit your goal, and maybe seeing this will let you know that you made steps before when you are down and you can go even further.
There is one wallpaper for things like my channel when four grids have been filled and one has been already, this is the second grid in the past couple years. When these get more filled in and the awards are bigger and the goals are bigger and the dragons are slain it becomes something that makes you want to keep going.
I have the png for the grid if you want to make your own and have a little form. Save it put in your art program paste little things as you get it done and make somethings happen captain.
Budgeting in a senate for a school of 50000, that’s right fifty thousand students. Their student government has had some issues with budgeting coming into our new form. I am proud as peach pie right out of the oven for the issues we had to climb over, for the obstacles that we come across, and that there is some damn fine work done. A team despite cut down and split for the needs of the other senate groups there is no better then those who had worked with me in my subcommittee. Making sure we did not ask for more money and even saved money for the future. Against the backdrop when it seems the state and the country wants to burn all they can with nothing in return.
My team, went from eight and because of everything had been cut and cut and cut again but even then we managed everything we could. We stood our ground where other finance people may sit in the back we were as much in the thick of events as everyone else and even more so when it comes to meetings with the faculty and the admins of the school. It made me think that there was something there and as my team is part of people returning there will be even more growth now that my spot in leadership is open. We showed ourselves well in events and this year will be fun because there is even more to do.
There has been more done then ever and that has meant my body has been getting leaner. It has not been changes so big, but smaller ones that had been where the value has been found because when one is used to it then one does not feel the need of older larger meals, they can move more like they used to and despite my body still creaking, now it is doing more and while there is still the battle with time it would be a laugh riot if when getting older there is something of better health. One hops this trend continues and it should for all that is coming to help me with it.
Next is the studies, projects that has been troublesome had more time spent to learning the ins and outs of the skills needed. No, I did not forget the music one, lots of time studying how to do it and to build in different ways. One thing has come up about what one would sing about because over my time as a senator and even listening to some other musicians especially in rap the criminal lifestyle is painted so rosy when so many people seem to fall into the traps of it. Now we have to make lyrics that does not deal with the same things that so many use in almost every song. Problems still exist, but there is still progress to make.
School is going well, still doing enough that my name is on the president’s list and there has been some efforts to make my transfer to university easier, meanwhile part of me wonders how the next part of my education for this will be getting harder still. Take the positives where they stand, I find life is easier that way. Tried to actually bring my father into it, some people had said how they ( my family should be here for when I make such progress. Being honest, they never cared about such laurels and awards unless it made me into a better trading chip for getting things for my sister. If it does not help her then my parents would rather drink at the bar then deal with me.
Which goes to the next thing is there has been somethings that I have found some therapy for. I am not going to hide about issues, and while it did take a while for someone that was trustworthy enough to help me, it did start uncovering some things that always hurt, and now it can start hurting a little less. Socially, it is taboo to talk about the mental injuries. We need to be open to make progress with the least amount of difficulty and there are more people about there who need to look into it thinking they can’t. No, you can. It is okay. When you learn you are a poker chip, a value to be played and bet, and not looked as a child but as a tool. It tends to make you unhappy, but now, after starting this therapy there has been great effects, at great pain to work through traumas. Some will never be able to completely worked through, although there has been contact with some of my oldest friends to realize that each of us has been broken in different ways. Hoping we can all get to do something soon, we had a lot of differences but to know all us still have our problems, makes me want to be the guy who would cackle and throw myself into the battle, trying to make it better. My goodness, already almost a thousand words, I will not keep you all. Stay strong, and keep bettering yourselves.
BigTAnderson in Portland 