Musings of Home

You know what I loved about Portland. There always seemed to be something to learn, you could be someone trying to do their best and it just seemed if you knew where to look Portland had everything to get to the next level in you crafts. There had been so much to learn and do and it felt that you could pull yourself by your bootstraps and make yourself something because there was and were for a long time things too numerous to count going on around the city. It had problems, but it had a charm that made it a place I loved to call home.

I don’t know as it stands right now if my home will ever bounce back because for as much as the twitter profiles of the city commissioners are crowing about how they should be reelected because the city has been made safer. Over the past three years specifically to Joann Hardesty but to the others look at the P.R. and the city’s own count to things. If you look at that and tried to tell people things were getting safer. Look at the city report and if you still say it is safer I got bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

https://www.opb.org/article/2022/03/17/portland-leaders-address-continued-gun-violence/

https://www.portlandoregon.gov/police/81203

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/feb/27/portland-shooting-extremism-america-predictable

I hear people defending her saying she was not responsible for the police. She was responsible for the fire department, the same fire department that had not been able to get to all those fires lit in the riots. She was the right hand for the mayor Ted wheeler, we went over him multiple times. She is in charge of education and the fire department and during all of this she is both part of a group to help make Portland as good as it can be and according to her defenders far enough away from the mayor despite working with him on how to defund police (she was a proponent of that in Portland).

She worked with the mayor on this and she wanted to take control of the police department and yet people defend her saying how she was too far being the person was essentially fill in mayor. At some point the time has to come for people who with a history of failure should not be left in power and 3-4 years is more then enough for me. Where people seem to not understand is that this is not something that has to have a figurehead, you need to have someone who can get the job done.

I am watching this next election very very closely because if people can look at her and look at all the other people wanting to give it a crack and still think she is the best option then I need to maybe look from that as political path. My home needs help but I cannot fix things as fast as someone else can screw it up. Did that with my roommate and honestly I am not going to lose time like that again.

Stay strong.

JoAnn Needs S.O.S For Re-Election

Jo Ann Hardesty is running for re-election, and upon realizing that, I needed a handle of cheap whiskey and several new and amazing drugs to try. I would revert my brain to whatever hormonal beast I was in puberty. If it means the city commissioners currently in office would all go sod off into the sunset. My preference would be the sunset on mars to get that extra bit of distance.

So, some people may actually think she has done a good job. These people are either in the areas that are so bound to sniff their own backside. (looking at you pearl) Or the pieces of the city so gentrified that even the homeless get food from Starbucks. The rest of the city is one great big sweltering nugget of refuse. Fewer businesses are open, more people getting killed, less money is being made, more people are living in the streets, schools are doing worse (remember Oregon made it so now guidelines for things like literacy and math are not needed for a diploma). The amount of hope I have is that this group or someone else is going to screw it up. Before people start mocking them until they run away and hide underneath useless jobs.

Three years is enough to get something positive done, and while there was a pandemic, I am done with letting morons get a free ride. In three years there should be at least one single positive thing that she has done and while comments can be found. The problem is that nothing has changed for the better. I would say that it is more of a shock because one would think that due to someone’s efforts, and by the laws of probability that something would get better. To fail so perfectly is actually harder to do, than every once in a while accidentally tripping over a positive change. No, getting funding is not a positive effect. It’s like setting a sandwich bar with enough tomatoes if you don’t make sandwiches. If you do not execute on the goals then you can be setting it up and still fail. This will tell me how Portland is going and I cannot see it going anywhere good if she gets re-elected, she has shown to be ill-equipped, moronic, and cannot handle the duties of her position. Also, the funny part is everyone going to racism or sexism against the detractors or trolls. What color her skin is, or what genitals she has does not add, detract, or change anything to the foolishness she has filled her years on the board with. I do not care who she is, I care about her work, and her work stinks. If someone cannot understand that, then they need to take a look in the mirror because the ideological tug of war has gotten me tired and this intersectional spew does little to the people trying to make progress on their own efforts and ideas.

My own opinion on how to handle it has been changing for anyone who sees me on Twitter and if anyone has been part of the camp that believes I will calm down in my later years of life, I have some bad news. It still has not happened and for the most that can be done, it does not look like it ever will be happening. As you can see by my additions I add a touch of humor in everything because if one cannot laugh at oneself then I fear life would be very dark at times.

Homeless in Portland

Portland has an issue with the homeless situation and one of the biggest questions is how can we fix it?

To see how we got here we need to realize a few things, one is something people have been wanting to do and that is who is to blame for this whole affair and three parties once can look at Portland’s problems and all of them will lead to something that the citizens will not like to hear. Those three parties are the city council and all the people who had been on it since Wheeler got into office filling in for Hales when he left. Hales leaving by the way has got to be the biggest dodge this side of the matrix because if he knew it or not this cannot be tied so much to him.


Every city commissioner whether they were on before or came on after has to look at the major portion of the blame because for all the power and privilege they could not get any less done without a plan. Jo-ann Hardesty who ran on a campaign against the homeless boulder project trying to craft herself as their champion has shown to be one of the biggest failures to her position in recent memory from how she has bungled the riots with the rest, how she has not been able to get the educational capabilities up to the quality and despite asking for more power she has not been able to handle her normal business in position.


Ted Wheeler, is someone that I thought had to be trying to burn the city down, but since those moments years ago. I wish I could say his quality has also gone up but that would be a bit of a stretch by most standards and even his most ardent defenders have so little to stand on that any time dealing with them online would bring memories of screaming children as both would have no idea what the situation would entail and is just mad because they are on the wrong side of the emotional exchange. Let me say it clearly, I do not think the mayor of Portland is doing this out of spite. I think from his actions in an office he is either very emotional or very stupid and while not pure malice can sometimes look like it at times. His time dealing with the riots as they began, the attack on Andy Ngo, the clash of pro-trump and Antifa groups, the pandemic, the riots, and the side effects have been nothing but a complete failure and one where he still got re-election because the only other person running ran on a campaign dubbing herself the Antifa mayor, from the same group of people that the group never existed and it was just an idea.
So we have the city commissioners and two of the greatest hits among them, but we also need to look at the Multnomah County District Attorney Mike Schmidt whose work about trying to make the justice system fair has led to the most murders in recent history, the most gun violence in recent history, the most assaults n recent history and is such a rampaging buffoon I honestly think that Hitomi Tanaka or any other busty porn star with six weeks of training and an effort to do a good job will do better, and just for the record Hitomi Tanaka does not have a law degree either. Mike Schmidt will go down as the worst amongst everyone who has committed to the position and save for people trying to outclass his glittering capstone in the processes of legal failures upon a community I doubt it will ever be overcome. Under him, there has been a loss of prosecutors that Portland has ranked in the bottom third of prosecutors per 100,000 people according to KATU.

https://katu.com/news/katu-investigates/portland-multnomah-county-playing-catch-up-reducing-violence-da-says

Few people would like to talk about how the police are just blaming without remembering one thing. In the setup, we have as of this writing and the one that has been used for the past decade or so the last word on the police department is the mayor. We have also lost enough police officers that even the Daily Mail is picking up the story and even did an article six months ago expounding upon it.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10186699/Portland-PD-788-cops-lowest-number-1989-amid-violent-crime-surge.html

On top of these two parties in Portland’s power structure being as useful as a wet fart in a toilet paper shortage, we have to move on up to the governor of the state who could be outclassed by several things one may work within a day like a cheese sandwich, a pencil, the previously mentioned wet fart, and that is to name a few. Kate Brown could only be called a success if her goals were to destroy education, raise suffering and actively try to make everyone less skilled and more miserable. In that metric, she has actually done a half-decent job.

Now the most painful part, all of these people have been elected and the city commissioners including Wheeler have not one election but two. That means the people say their work and thought they are good for the ob and that makes me wonder. Do people know what these people do? Kate Brown has been in since 2015, JoAnn Hardesty since 2019, Schmidt was placed in after the previous DA retired, and Wheeler since 2017 after the previous mayor retired and then won his own election.


Mind you some may take all this and see all the democrats and think I am anti-democrat, I am not. I am however very much anti idiot and both of the big parties are filled with zealotry that their own beliefs are the proper ones. Let me explain, no, the party line is not the code to live one’s life Further away from that there is some issue in the citizens that people in some portion want to support all manner of action as long as it makes them feel good in the short term. This will wreak havoc in the long term and while some see that we have to get away from the soft feel-good way of voting and people need to spend a little time to figure out what needs to be done to go from where we are to where we want to be. Otherwise, the people we will have to blame the most for this are ourselves and while I have been trying through various things among everything else and I am doing more about it now.

I think it is clear that we need to get a better quality of the person in the office and we need to realize as citizens that doing something good sometimes will not be easy.

Things that would be more effective in office than the politicians and day listed above.

Offensive Interference

When reality decides to interfere it can feel like you had all momentum stopped and then all you can do is look at where you are and see what stopped you and grit your teeth wondering that some foolish person or thing could not tell when you had been working on something and decided to throw the spanner in the works. It means a lot when you looked at what you had and something comes out of the blue taking away what you did and now you have a project where you have to get the energy to push the boulder up the hill all in the hopes of bringing your project to completion.

You will feel aggravated, angry, furious and there is a point where you may want to use your emotions and simply blow up at everyone who is causing you problems when you have that moment it will be hard to take that emotional energy and instead of using it and cause more negative you put it towards something.

Take a moment and get your beath and then get yourself back to work and use all the venom and vigor from whatever happened and try to make something happen with it. Sometimes this means you just need to tell people to turn tail and pound sand until the deserts are empty. There are moments where such things are all you can do and keep the momentum but it does feel good when you take that pain or anger for anything and you put it in your project.

For me, I had issues with my roommate that took me to use the patience of several saints and not go bonkers when everyone wants to seemingly act like screaming turkeys. When one person in a group has to be the adult or even the human of a group during a situation like that for any period of time.

Breaking down what she had come down from whatever she was on and there had been a conversation that I could not use what little energy I had left trying to go through some of the incidents she had with her friends and others around her and I could not fix things when she decided to fly off the handle. This has been a situation that had been getting progressively worse over the past few months and while I tried to play ball there was so much still to do that I had to look at myself and realize I need to focus on myself more than others because I cannot let people take the majority of my energy and care.

Something else I had learned is no matter what you want to do you have to realize that loyalty is like a precious resource and when people invest it into you. You should invest it in return but when people decide you can’t invest in them you really need to take that time and energy and return it to investing it in yourself.

That means that we have some things coming and obviously I need to move so with that I hope I can find somewhere that is more secure to work on my stuff, but overall progress is progress so I will take it.

Stay Strong.

Working on things

College classes are rough right now so far so good though and right now just trying to get set up for the long term and getting everything to do such things is often the hardest part, it isn’t the classes and the homework then you have to deal with the funding unless you can get it all paid at the start for something and if you do then great but it is something that really takes some time especially when you have something to cover it.

As it stands everything loves to waste time when it needs to pay and when I have to pay it needs to be done at light speed. I find it funny when people expect one and the other in reference to that, It will not matter though as in the long term it just means someone needs their arm bent by paperwork. Nothing says complete hopelessness like someone who is either lazy or does not want to help you and still has to do it or risk the consequences. I would prefer just getting it done but sometimes one needs to bring out the vinegar to get some flies.

So writing-wise the light edits are doing well at least and most of my work is almost done with the first round and the product afterward with the books that I find is the best way for me to continue moving forward. There seems to be something where I want to do something by a certain point in time and then I look at the product and go…

“I can polish it up a little more.”

Then it goes into the polish file where the whole thing seemingly waits until the half-life of Jupiter before I either give up or yell “screw it” and finish it. That is something that I have had to learn to work myself out of, but in this facet as long as I am happy with it that is really the point to move forward so please be patient. I know it may seem strange even going so far as labels and specific projects. How a single color looks on a label may be something some people do not even look at for more than a fraction of a second, but it is important.


That is why I havent done some recipes because after I would cook I will take a picture and think it could be done better next time. One of those problems I would just need to work on I guess.
Stay strong.

One and Two. What to do?

First, I have noticed you.

Believe it or not I do read at what posts are doing well and how people react and come to these things, and I see you like my rando recipes as well so when I get the issues with my new phone I will try to take some time and put a couple more on here because with the seasoning blends it is going to be done anyway and just things that are fun to make will be something where you can look. I did play around with the camera and it is something I feel I can work with. I may do a couple recipes with my seasoning blends as well but if you do not have it it will have the steps for a good meal nonetheless

As this is going out I am actually doing my first shift followed by a college class in many a year, and it did not work out last time. Last time this happened I was so drained, and this was before the nerve damage mind you, that I had passed out for three days after staying up a week straight so there are going to be problems, but we may be able to work our way through.

Second, and the meat of the matter. When things go bad, there is a lot of ear in the world, people in power seem to be in a race no matter what party they represent to the bottom of respectability, and during all this when things are bad I remember a line, one that made me do a lot of the stuff I have done. A line that has been instrumental in my own paperwork stepping in.

Why I train. Why I write. Why time after time to punch walls it seems with little improvement on a task. Why do I keep trying.

If you want something done right, you cannot blame state, country, family or circumstance. If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself. This does not mean not to take help, it means you cannot let anyone else drive to the goal because often times they will not have the investment to your goal that you do, and people will often disappoint with their decisions. It is why I have a certain line on my whiteboard. Good or bad, whatever life throws at me I have to work with it and if I can’t that is one me.

Sometimes, I have not been great at this, sometimes I have needed a hard lesson. Not saying I am good at it, I am stating I am trying though. Any who this one is going to be short, but if there are things you need to learn or keep in mind sometimes people will fail. That does not mean you are bad at it it means you are learning it and how it applies in different situations. Give yourself a break sometimes and do all you can to keep your eyes on the prize whether you are learning that through the great resignation or just through some things. The times be a changing and a lot of people are sitting on their rump so a lot of people need to get in the game, and as DJ Professor K said “

“The game is gonna start soon, and ya’ll gonna be making the plays.”

Things will get worse in some cases and it will be up to the individual to try and make things better and through the efforts of many individuals there is a chance.

Stay Strong and see you next time.

My Whiteboard

I have a whiteboard on my wall behind me and on it you may see some notes on certain things when it comes to certain things and if you watch me twitch you may see it on cam over my right shoulder. There are always some notes on it and sometimes it could be just to keep some things straight with actions moving forward, it could be deadlines that need to be dealt with or even things that needed to be wrapped up.

So on my whiteboard, I have a few things. One of them is the number 80 in red and blue markers for the fallen goalie of the Columbus Blue Jackets, I read his story and found him very brave, and for whatever it is worth to think on what he did when it was needed most. It helps me keep my head on straight even if things are bad and for those who do not know. He had been at a party with the other team members and the fireworks had been set off accidentally so one goalie jumped and blocked the fireworks and took a direct hit to the chest while the other goalie was protecting his family and wondered why he didn’t feel anything until he looked to see his co-worker, his friend at this point, take the hit.

Bravery like that is something to be remembered so his number was 80 and that is why it is on my board. Then there is the odd note to the music project that I did not forget, or do something to keep my writing and editing straight, and then there is a set of three lines that unless you knew of from pro wrestling, it may just fly over your head.

Control your narrative. When it comes to stories someone in pro wrestling made something where even if you are not a fan then you can at least learn from it as a storyteller. EC3 as he is known as done a magnificent job of breaking down both the character and the person and how they all work towards a purpose. I think if anyone wants to better themselves or make themselves better by boiling down what makes them work take a look at controlling your narrative.

Outside of two notes, there are three phrases where I look up and sometimes to be reminded for various reasons. One is ‘people will disappoint you’ and while that is not as positive as some hope it is there to remind me that people will not always do as they say they will, and it can be painful to deal with it, but it is something that has to be dealt with if you try to do anything in life. Another one comes from the show Peaky Blinders ‘No rest for me in this world, maybe in the next’ is something that reminds me to go all out, and do what I can, not to overdo it and leave myself broken and drained because I have had to learn that lesson by experience. What it is is never leave anything in the tank but do it in a way where I can do it again tomorrow. I have stated it before and will state it again that there is a limit to going all out and it all depends on how much you need to heal up for the next one.

Also, as a side note I have filled out an application for the state representative for my ward but I have found that to do it as an independent I need to do it a different way. So still doing it I just had to redo the paperwork, which is good because I still have plenty of time to do it. The Indiegogo I wanted to have open by end of the month but right now it is a money thing and currently, we are helping someone and they said they would put some money in for rent and haven’t in two months so it is getting close to pay or bail mode for them. I need to get some smaller containers and get some things printed out for that but we are making progress slowly but surely. Also, I need to learn how to program for another project.

^^;; I need a time machine
In any case, you know it.
Stay Strong.

Bad Days and Good Days

Bad days always make me grit my teeth as it seems they happen more and more. But, when your body seems to be falling shorter every day, there will always be good days and wrong and how you feel from one to the other.

When it is a bad day, it seems you are always a step back, on the back foot, and nothing can be done except getting as much done as you can and sleeping at the first opportunity. You can do a lot these days, and it just stinks sometimes. Pain is something that will always be there, and you could feel out of gas before you get out of the front door. Nothing feels worse than feeling less than your best, and things seem like you could do it, but you are not all there.

The day goes on, and you grind out what can be done, and all it leaves you is more tired with little done but a lot of trying. Nothing makes you feel so weak when your body feels like it is betraying you despite the best of your intentions until you finally fall over swearing at whatever gods are listening that you have to deal with such suffering, all for the sake of growing migraines. On top of all that, anything sticking in your craw when it comes to social relationships.

Bad days are like trying to stand up, and it isn’t the world against you. It is your body actively trying to fight your efforts, and it feels like gears grinding against gears. There is no workflow. There is no energy, and everything you try to push up only gets you to from waking up to going back to sleep without enough to make you happy in your days.

Now, if you could not guess, I am not very happy most days. If I did a hundred squats, I would want double. If I could lift a quarter ton, I want to lift half. If I have ten hours of energy, then I want fourteen.

However, when a good day comes, it feels different. For me, it is standing in a storm with winds whipping about around just an area for two parties to handle their differences in as physical a manner as they see fit. Just the winds blow, and the rains fall, and there is a crack of lightning and thunder, and it just feels like it is correct. Look across the area, and it is whatever is in your way, and all you have is the time and the moment to handle your business, and know that one of you will be left standing.

That is a good day that no matter me walking with a cane, I can take a breath and smell the lightning and feel the tremors and lock on target. It is just running and having a moment where it feels like that makes me dangerous. It makes me feel just for a moment like nothing wrong ever happened because I can take it all out on my targets. Good days are rare, but they feel good when they happen.

What are your good days and bad days like? Comment below.

Stay Strong.

Last week today.

How was your week?

Ya, it has been one of those weeks. As of the writing of this I got about 10 days left in the month and 10k to go to hit my goal and then I need to try and make ground because next month is short. College is good we have gotten into a nice rhythm and it isn’t too boring so I just need to keep up on it, working through some programs to help for the education bit.

I want to work on all the details before even starting an Indiegogo because I don’t want to be someone who need all the extra time. Right now I can only work in the US. I may just have to pull the trigger on indiegogo for us people only right now.

So at some point it will just be time to pull the trigger and get stuff done and I even went so far to asking my family if they wanted to help. They said they were short on money paying for my sister’s horse lessons and paying off a new truck. It is fine. Family was something that never really worked for me. All of it just means I can do it alone.

All you can do is keep moving forward and even when family is poisonous. Looking into running for state government to start at least trying to help my area with a better quality of person. Some people in state government are good but right now the state is going down some bad roads and while there are other people that could do it, there is a line I remember.

“If you want something done right, do it yourself.”

Progress is progress and that is great it just sometimes stings and the the achy malaise just never goes away so you have to pick yourself up and keep working on yourself. There is always something to work on there are always faults to grind to a gleam, and one of the ones recently for me is that I do not take compliments very well.

My seasonings have been getting great reviews in testing. I have been complimented many times because of this and there is so much of me bound in the work that when I receive a compliment I make a face that looks like my brain is loading and failed. So I am trying to handle compliments with a proper thank you and enjoying it for a moment before moving on. It will be something I need to do because I want people to be so happy with my products and my work to compliment me, I just need to not insult them when I do not mean to.

In relaxing I have found myself liking the games of teamfight tactics and I think I might go for gold and blue rank in hyper role. Competing like that just makes me feel like the disability did not occur, and I am who I always was. It provides me that little bit of peace, that I am sure hunting for it my opponents wish I never found. I write that line with a smile.

So tell me about whaty ou are doing? Working on social media outreach? Projects got your eye for a while, let me know and we can chew the fat on it.

Stay strong everyone.

Musings of a Tryhard

College, business, games, and twitch. Music, writing son-of-a-bitch.

My time is always running and I need a car to pick it up for if time keeps running out on me I guess my moment is up.

Don’t know why I am rhyming.

Anywho. So in the realm of things that do not matter I made silver in tft and green in hyper which is like finding a single free piece of pizza on the niceness scale but considering the year I think we can all take what we can get.

Next is the writing and I have learned to edit during my tft time so that means another book should be done, will I finally publish, if I can figure out the other things like a cover and overcome the crippling self doubt. Most likely is what I am saying.

Also, filling out some paperwork but that is a secret for now. Shhhh.

So that leaves really things are going and they seem to be going good for now but the need for money is coming and the person who I made the sale through who does work at a restaurant, (I checked) needs to finish his part of the bargain it is during these moments I would like to do it in person but, I really don’t get out much and honestly the cost of transportation is already killing me.

Disability thinks I am still not disabled despite the stack of tests and paperwork taller then me ( six feet tall) so I feel I still have the right to continue bashing judges because if ya’ll are that stupid then you need to get a talking to and possibly a third grade reading lesson.

College is next on the list and work has been going good, being pulled in so many different directions is really painful though especially when it comes to how much needs to be done still. I still need to find some stuff to do when it comes to how to market but nothing gets done with money to do it and right now a lot of places don’t want to hire even for part time work, I have tried, but once again being disabled tends to throw a couple dozen spanners in the grinder.

Just really need to keep moving forward and while things can feel like it is so aggravating that you want start to bang your head on the desk and while it may feel that way. The only thing that would do is give you a nasty headache. I am just speaking from experience on that myself. When people say there are jobs they do not mean in Portland because right now nobody wants to hire.

Problems come and then we need to find solutions to it so all of this should hope things get a little more comfortable soon.

You know the drill.

Stay strong.