you can do it

Rule of the grid.

Things change over our lives and for those who have seen me on twitch there is a grid in my banner and is the second one. Originally the grid was something that if online trying to gather an audience I had been proud of I put it in a square and as time goes on you see how things change. Well, I have not been streaming, but the grid has been getting filled in with achievements and things that have became little moments where I was proud for sometimes the dumbest reason, but still a reason.

Looking back over it it has evolved to more then just games and subscriber numbers so I have something here for you. A lot of people may be proud of somethings that others are not, but from my experience no one feels proud of what they do. So this is free. Absolutely free. Fill it with things as you do them. This is no contest, this is so you in your bad times can look back and see what you are happy for, and if things change you can just continue to keep going. Mine in the beginning thought it would be cute, but over time it has helped me. Pic added because it is an achievement and it looked cool.

NASA Receives Lifetime Achievement Award (NHQ202110190001) by NASA HQ PHOTO is licensed under CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0

Anytime, I think I cannot, or that I am not good enough. I look to the challenges that I got past, and see each of those moments represented. It means there is still one more fight. All of them do not need to be serious, all of them do not need to be games, just do what you are proud of even if no one else is, but you will learn that progress means you have to keep going further. One step then means trying for two. Push yourself until you hit your goal, and maybe seeing this will let you know that you made steps before when you are down and you can go even further.

There is one wallpaper for things like my channel when four grids have been filled and one has been already, this is the second grid in the past couple years. When these get more filled in and the awards are bigger and the goals are bigger and the dragons are slain it becomes something that makes you want to keep going.

I have the png for the grid if you want to make your own and have a little form. Save it put in your art program paste little things as you get it done and make somethings happen captain.

Stay Strong.

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Panic Attacks and Amazons

People have bad days, sometimes they have days where you wonder why you got to a certain point and how they can do so without having at least a big migraine or you have a panic attack. Everything gets to the point where you just want to survive while doing something. This past week was sort of that to me. Roommate was spiraling, people did not want to do their job because they never had to, other people were getting pushed, and no one seems to be reading the rules and laws to which a modicum of civilized culture is maintained.

Overall not a fun time. Sometimes you need to get through the challenging moments. Now, some may be surprised to know I do get panic attacks. It happens when I feel things are slipping past me and are essential to me, like when I miss a point on a quiz or a test. I get into this feedback loop of my own self-depreciation, just going over how that point was the most important.

Now, one can pass a class when you miss one point. It is a rarity when that is not the case. Still, we need to remember when you are in a panic attack that, you are in a place where survival instinct is in one area, and your normal activities are in another. You are held between the two, where things feel both fast and slow to the point where you feel out of place, even if you are sitting down. The thing is that no matter what happens during your bad days, you just need to get by. You need to make it and finish whatever you are. Afterward, you are just sitting in a funk of hatred and wondering where you failed and how you go on but what happens when things are not going as you need them to go.

I am so happy for those who never have it because a panic attack is a royal kick to the head. Not fun to the degree that I would rather wrestle an amazon practicing leg scissors than do it again. It is a great pain, and I think suits did a great job showing it.

Particularly the last couple of minutes, but sometimes you just have to get through the bad times because, with enough practice and enough work, the good times will outnumber the bad.

Hope you have a good time, and stay strong.

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