From that it morphs to a lot of different things, but I will say one thing that encapsulates it all. I understand my grandfather’s love of booze, because he would drink like it was water and then show you could do anything with it including driving. No joke he was able to pass a driving test drunk save for the blood alcohol content, and the person could not tell he was a bottle of vodka or whiskey in. The cops even brought him on once to a closed course because he argued it helped him drive better.

Sad or funny thing was that he was right. He was such a nervous wreck that without booze you would see him second guess himself and whether it was just part of his life for so long or he needed it as he said it helped turn down the volume in his head to focus on what he needed to do. When he did that, he was very good at a lot of different things. Despite his reasons, he also just loved alcohol, and while I make sure not to drink as often as he does. I can count how many times a year I drink on my hands generally. The ability to turn down the noise, especially after dealing with some weapons grade idiocy, is something that will make me want to invest in alcohol production for the years to come.

Being an advocate particularly for disabled students is fulfilling and angering, and before anyone thinks, yes still I am a student in economics and business. Advocating though has a lot of problems, because very literally there is about 5% of the population around that is perfect to help and give you everything you need without causing problems. 10% cause problems every so often and a little one on one time to polish it out is what they need to make them feel like they can continue in school. That 15% I can work with all-day, all-week if I could.

For those who can math to a responsible level that means I did not talk about 85%. Disability is an odd thing in the fact that people know of it but there is an out-of-sight out of mind aspect to it and a lot of groups in the school may not put that in context. There are also, unfortunately, people gaming the system who just want an easier life and that is one of the groups that makes my work difficult. My job is to advocate that someone can do great work in lieu of a disability, and that helping navigate that disability in class or school job whether it be needing of labeling or if they need someone to take notes because they physically can not, I am all for that.

Then there are those who think just because you are disabled you have to have everything handed to you, and those although are not the majority. They are enough that when they do damage it takes the whole department to work against it and after a year we may able to erase one bad time. A lot of people have negative times and the reason that damage has to be caught is that it takes one bad experience for a teacher or a business owner to look at someone like that go to the bad experience and think it’s all useless. Some people can get past that. I can get past that for me sometimes, because I am stubborn, but some of these people come out of homes that taught them they are not going to make it, they come out of places where they always see them fall short, and if that doesn’t piss you off then you don’t know what some of these people can do. I am not saying there will be perfection or it will be easy. School will be difficult, especially if you are driven to better yourself, that is the way for me. I have to carry smelling salt around because I am so exhausted sometimes, I pass out.

Then as I am going through my days, something happened and really it started at the elections for PTK in Florida. A lot of people do not come from those homes where everything is good, and this is why I try to help any student who needs it. I may not be good at this, I may not be taught for it, and I may be one of the most evil people in this department. There are a lot of good people with no blood on their hands, and mine have been painted red sometimes it feels like it never goes away. My advocacy is also me doing everything that can be done, because sometimes the only thing someone needs is to know that something can be done. That something is within reach even if a thousand lemmings say otherwise. Rewrite your ending, make your life the story you want to tell the next generation and give no quarter when people try to stop you. Showing that it can be done, despite everything is why I do this, and it will not be what I do forever, but for now, there is a black hat in the disability advocates and sometimes that is what you need.

So for those reading, if you think you can’t than you can and if you think I am a loud arrogant egotistical dipstick. Well, you may be right on that one, but I am doing my best to make something positive out of my best traits. I will say when you see the path you are building and it begins to happen, handicapped or no it makes you feel just a little more alive than you ever have been.

Honestly, I’m guessing its how the old pirates felt seeing the open sea, that’s how I feel, and it feels good. May the sails bow your way.

Stay Strong.